Wednesday, June 14, 2017

No. LXXXVIII: The First Cabinet Meeting (to end all cabinet meetings?)

Cabinet meeting, Monday, June 12, 2017. At the White House.

This transcript was compiled from uncorrected C-Span Closed Captioning. (https://www.c-span.org/video/?429863-1/president-touts-accomplishments-cabinet-meeting).

Original all-caps removed for readability. C-Span transcript does not identify individual speakers.
______________________________________________________________________________
Thank you, Mr. President. The greatest privilege of my life is to serve as vice president to a president who is keeping his word to the American people who is bringing real change to our nation.

    Thank you Mr. President. The press is unfair.
    And, of course, we know you don't really care.
    It's a pleasure to serve you. I DO like your hair.

I would like to be here and celebrate this group. I am not sure the rest of you understand, but law enforcement all across America very frustrated. They are so thrilled that we have an idea we are going to support him and walk together. We will lawfully fight to the rising crime that we are seeing. It is an honor to serve you in that regard. You have sent to the exact right message and the responses fabulous around the country.

    Our law enforcers is very frustrated
    bein' how they's hated, berated an' castigated
    when they shoot folks should be segregated.
    Now I knows that seats at this table is scarce (umn...)
    nex' time I'd druther not sit near "Doctor" Carson.

Mr. President, it is my privilege to be here. I am deeply honored and I would like to thank you for your amendment to the American workers. We are very excited at the Department of Labor. I think this is going to make a real difference. So thank you.

    Mr. President, at the Department of Labor
    your kind of leadership is what we favor.
    I advocate minimum wage waver
    and to counter union knavery
    how about we reintroduce slavery?

Thank you Mr. President. It is a new day at the United Nations. We now have a strong voice. People know what America's four, they know what we are against, they see as leading across the board. I think the international community knows we are back.

    Thank you, Mr. President from the UN,
    that cesspit of things unAmerican
    I say we leave it, the question is when.
    And thank you so much for letting me speak
    even though I'm a woman whose parents are Sikh.

We're going to be able to take care of the people are needed. We will focus on the forgotten man and woman who are paying those taxes. I appreciate your support pulling the budget together.

    We will take care of people we need.
    The others can go to hell or to seed.
    They want food and health care ― talk about greed!

Good morning. It is good to be back in the United States. G-77 focused on the environment. The messages the United States needs to focus on growth and protecting the environment. It was received well.

    Good morning. At G7 talks about environment,
    I told them you're for environment retirement
    and if they don't like it, they can expire-ment.

Good morning Mr. President. There is a diversity of threats to our country. We have men and women working 24-7, 7 days a week to make sure we have -- we are on top of all of these threats. It is a joy to work with the people I have the inherited and we will provide you with the very best intelligence we can so that you can formulate policy to deal with these issues.

    Good morning, Mr. President. What's to be said?
    With terrorists hiding under each bed.
    WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING OR WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!    
    I don't have an inkling of what I should do.
    But, by the way, I like your hair, too.

Mr. President, it is a pleasure to serve, to serve the children of this country and make sure every child has the opportunity to have a good education and therefore a good future.

    Mr. President it is a pleasure to serve!
    And I say that with full vigor and verve.
    But money for public schools? THEY have their nerve!

Mr. President, what a pleasure it is to lead the Department of Health and Human Services under your leadership. I cannot thank you enough. I had the opportunity to represent the United States at the G20 health summit in Berlin and in Germany and I cannot tell you how excited they are about the United States.

    Mr. President, it's a pleasure to lead HHS
    to eviscerate the budget allowing Congress
    to divert funding from those who have less.
    Some Volk I met in Germany and Berlin
    said that's what they'll do if next time they win.

Mr. President, as the seal on your staff, it is an honor to be the generator of the energy dominance. I am deeply honored and optimistic we can be great stewards and be the world's largest user of energy.

    Mr. President, I did not say "seal on your staff".
    (Could be that's C-Span having a laugh.)
    I am honored, optimistic and heaven knows
    I can, if you wish, balance balls on my nose.

It is an honor to serve the country. A great privilege you have given me. Clearly we are engaged with our allies. They know what our vision is. America will continue to be a leader but they must do more. With from a national security standpoint and for prosperity. For our adversaries, we will engage but they have to know we will engage from a position of strength to protect America's national interest and we expect to make progress resolving some of these differences.

    It is a honor to serve the country.
    A privilege great you bestowed upon me.
    If our allies know what our vision be,
    I sure as hell wish they would share it with me.

It is an honor to represent the men and women of the Department of Defense. We are grateful for the sacrifices our people are making to strengthen our military. We will always negotiate from a position of strength.

    Am I the only one at this table
    able to avoid the toady label?

Thank you for the opportunity to help fix the trade deficit. Other countries are gradually getting the news. They are not happy with it but there is growing recognition of an and I am thrilled to help you.

    Okay? There I said "thank you" but I did not snivel.
    Well maybe a bit, but who wants to quibble?

Mr. President, last week was a great infrastructure week. Thank you for coming over to the Department of Transportation. Hundreds and hundreds of people were so thrilled to hang out and watch the ceremony. I want to thank you for getting this country moving again and also working again.

    Mr. President, last week was your infrastruct week.
    Now problems dissolving just as we speak.
    At DOT we were all thrilled by your ceremony
    and not a soul still there called you a phony.

I am very proud to represent the men and women who serve the country and DHS. In the five months I have had the job, we have been able to facilitate the legal movement of people and crossovers, and at the same time there is a long way to safeguard our southern border working with all of our partners to the south to stop illegal immigration. While we still welcome legal immigrants, where no longer an illegal order crossing. [indiscernible]

    At DHS we watch out at the borders
    to protect all our wives and all our daughters.
    No place in our agency for a debater.
    We aim to shoot first. We ask questions later.

I have also traveled the country. The message was similar. Deficits do matter.

    Damn, what is wrong with C-Span folk?
    They did not transcribe my opening joke!
    All they gave me is this one stupid line.
    If I knew who I was, I would resign.

Good morning Mr. President. Thank you for the opportunity to serve. I have not been traveling internationally, but I have been traveling around the country and what I continue to hear is renewed optimism from small businesses. People are returning to the workforce. Small businesses are creating new jobs. Our outreach is successful. Thank you. We are on a good trajectory but there is still a lot of work to do.

    Good morning, Mr. President. And I thank you.
    Every thing is, as the Brits say, tickey-boo.
    When we're done can I get on Apprentice II?

On behalf of the entire senior staff, Mr. President we thank you for your opportunity and the blessings you have given us. We will continue to work very hard every day.

    I thought, just in case,
    someone should say grace.
    Please, please, pul-eze,
    please press erase.

Mr. President, it is an honor to serve you. I am privileged to lead the men and women to do the national security mission in the finest tradition. Despite the media. [laughter] [indiscernible]

    Mr. President, it is an honor to serve you.
    (In my heart of hearts I know we don't deserve you.)
    Security mission...finest tradition...
    Despite the media...check Wikipedia?

Mr. President, thank you for your support. I know this is personally very important to you. I have the great honor of being able to represent the 21 million American veterans that have done such great things for our country and I work every day to make sure I am worthy of that responsibility.

    Mr. President, thanks for your veteran support.
    We know your record the press doth distort.
    You went, after all, to a military school
    and, I bet, in your uniform, you looked really cool.
    You would have joined up, how it must rankle
    that you had that foot problem. What was it, your ankle?

Mr. President, it has been a great honor to work with you. We are making tremendous progress and have already seen tremendous change. This month's national homeowners month and [indiscernible]

    Mr. President, it has been a great honor.
    (Quick, man, flatter or you're a goner.
    This is your chance to show Sessions you're humble.
    Can I get by if I sit and mumble?)

Good morning, Mr. President. [indiscernible] I want to congratulate you on the men and women you have placed around the table. This'll team working for America is making results in each and every area. Working with Secretary Ross, Lighthouse or, Volusia and, Tom Price, Scott Pruitt, this is a team you have assembled that is working with love for America. These are great team members. We are your team. Thank you.

    Good morning Mr. President. (Nice trick, that mumbling!
    If I get names wrong, will I seem bumbling?
    Say "America", say "team"
    and go have an ice cream.)

Thank you Mr. President, it has been a great honor traveling with you around the country for the past year and an even greater honor to be in your cabinet. We are focused on creating economic growth, sweeping tax reform, and fighting terrorism with sanctions.

    Thank you, Mr. President. (And the rest of you bunch
    who took all the good stuff. Time yet for lunch?)