Friday, June 29, 2018

№ 367.1: EXTRA! Obviously

Far be it from me to ever condemn,
BUT. . .that things are a mess is all down to THEM!

If only THEY 
would leave for Mars* — 
get off this Earth,
which is rightfully ours — 
things would be peaceful
we would be thankful
and, for a time, 
possibly tranquil
until that unhappy day when 
one of us becomes a THEM.
__________________
*See The Martian Chronicles, Ray Bradbury, Doubleday, 1950

№ 367: There Are No Words


Thursday, June 28, 2018

№ 366: Hmmh. . . (or a failure to communicate)

Smithsonian: Everybody in Almost Every Language Says “Huh”? HUH?!

What makes this utterance the “universal word”?

What distinguishes us from other species
is a certain facility with making speeches.
In most every language from 'Are'are to Zway*
when we don't understand, “Huh?” 'swhat we say.
Whoever it was first gave speech a try,
whatever was said, “Huh?” was said in reply.
_____________________

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

№ 365.1: EXTRA! GOOOOOAAAL!

GuardianJustice Anthony Kennedy to retire


End of America,
the final score:
Trump 5, America 4.

№ 365: Too Bits

       O! Bit
if you were famous
it is the norm
upon your death
the world is informed
and if you're a Royal
also when you're born

      Sex Bit
saints, one suspects, may be somewhat conflicted
Einstein and Hawking were clearly addicted
William Jefferson Clinton was all but convicted
it's compulsive
it's awkward
and it costs money
how can you say
human sex isn't funny

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

№ 364: A Trump Tool

Judas Iscariot? Total loser!
That's how I feel.
And remember I  
[claim I co-]wrote The
Art of the Deal.
Thirty silver. . .somethings?
(He couldn't get gold?)
I'd a done better
a millionfold.
When I sell gods,
I don't set low rates.
That's NOT how 
Trump negotiates.

Monday, June 25, 2018

№ 363: CORRECTIONS

W. Shakespeare previously reported:
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.

The Daily Doggerel has learned from innumeral informed sources all of whom have requested anonymity that this is not true and, in fact:
It turns out, Dear Brutus,
the fault is in our stars
and all we can do
is be who we are.
                                     

C. Barny Robertson and James Milton Black previously reported:
When the roll is called up yonder I'll be there

The Daily Doggerel has learned from innumeral informed sources all of whom have requested anonymity that this is not true and, in fact:
When the roll is called up yonder,
I will not be there.
There ain't any “up yonder”
and ain't nobody there.
                                     

Dylan Thomas previously reported:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The Daily Doggerel has learned from innumeral informed sources all of whom have requested anonymity that this is not true and, in fact:
Rage though we might
against dying light
when the curtain descends
that ends the play.
                                     

William Ernest Henley previously reported:
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

The Daily Doggerel has learned from innumeral informed sources all of whom have requested anonymity that this is not true and, in fact:
Being born behind the eight ball
is bound to take its toll.
You can't debate with fate.
And, oh, you have no soul.

The Daily Doggerel apologizes for any inconvenience.

BREAKING NEWS! This just in: I am being told that "innumeral" is not a word. We probably meant "innumerable".


Sunday, June 24, 2018

The Week In Rearview (June 24, 2018)

Click to Donate→ REUNITE IMMIGRANT FAMILIES FACEBOOK CAMPAIGN
(not affiliated with The Daily Doggerel and Theatrical Cement Company)


Monday, June 18
№ 358: Comparative Religion
   Ladies and gentlemen, your attention divert,
   today's center ring topic: “Who Causes More Hurt?”

№ 358.1: EXTRA! No Room At The Inn (Again)
   Matthew 19:14

№ 358.2: EXTRA! The Finagle Frontier Stardate 0.0.0.0 (a presidential proclamation)
   Today, June 18th, let the word go fourth
   I hereby decree the U.S. Space Force

Tuesday, June 19
№ 359: Appalling Epistle To The Hopeful
   What if the world turned upside down,

Wednesday June 20
№ 360: Going Viral
   Viruses love what we’ve done with the planet

№ 360.1: EXTRA! Half-Cocked Sessions Defrocked?
   We’re ministers in Jeff Sessions’s church. His immigration stance defies our values.

Thursday, June 21
№ 361: Just Say No
   Try to imagine what Donald'd be,
   like, if he was tripping on LSD

Friday, June 22
№ 362: Get Me Rewrite?
   . . .national constitutions have lasted an average of only seventeen years since 1789.


Email subscribers: Saturday, June 16 – Friday, June 22
118 views of 21 items