No. 302: Congress Vs The Undocumented

You can't fairly compare 

our representatives

to laborers unskilled 

and undocumented,

for representatives, 

disoriented, 

rarely favor
us with their labor.

Yes, they have staff

who on their behalf

may put in a half-
day now and again

to prep reps for “hearings”

where they don't listen

being too busy kissing 
political donors
who own them.

What laws they do pass

they pull from their ass,

en masse passing gas.

WHEREAS:

those without papers

work as landscapers.

and build skyscrapers.

The question, in short,

which would you deport?

[updated 3/30/ 18 12:45 pm]

No. 301: On God(s)!

The atheist argument

is very simple:

would an all-loving god

have invented the pimple?

I say to folk

this logic escapes:

we are nothing but

evolved sour apes.

No. 300: Improving The Breed?

     The humanzee is both scientifically possible and morally defensible.
     It is a bit of a stretch, but by no means impossible or even unlikely that a hybrid or a chimera combining a human being and a chimpanzee could be produced in a laboratory.
     If that prospect isn't shocking enough, here is an even more controversial suggestion: Doing so would be a terrific idea.
— Nautilus: It’s Time to Make Human-Chimp Hybrids

Many consider the idea reprehensible,
but “The humanzee is. . .
scientifically possible and morally defensible.”
Though this prospect may strike some as absurd
we could call the result Donald J. Trump III.
(This would not the only time where
someone named Trump had funny hair.)

Don't be put off and think this harebrained,
if you click the links you'll see Putin explained*.

________________________________________________________
*During the 1920s, a Russian biologist with the marvelously Slavic name Ilya Ivanovich Ivanov appears to have made the first serious, scientifically informed efforts to create a genetic hybrid between chimpanzees and human beings. . . .it was Ivanov who made the most serious efforts at combining human and nonhuman apes.

No. 299: Trump Lawyers Moot Court (A TCCN EXCLUSIVE inside look)

    The attribution of Guccifer 2.0 as an officer of Russia’s largest foreign intelligence agency brings the investigation closer to the Kremlin’s doorstep—and to Trump himself.

    Working off the IP address, U.S. investigators identified Guccifer 2.0 as a particular GRU officer working out of the agency’s headquarters on Grizodubovoy Street in Moscow.

— The Daily Beast: EXCLUSIVE: ‘Lone DNC Hacker’ Guccifer 2.0 Slipped Up and Revealed He Was a Russian Intelligence Officer

(with apologies to Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim)

Email subscribers click here for music.

Mouthpiece #1 (Donald Trump)

Wid dis kinky GRU ski

we gotta unnerstan,

if Mueller's got a clue-ski

dis cud get outta han.

All my Trumpski flunkies

won't be jes' some dumb punks.

They'll be revealed as traitors 'n as skunks.

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet (Mouthpieces #2 - #5)

Dis GRU ski's got us very upset.

Dere's dis goddamn investigation 'n ain't over yet.

We said no collusion

'n now unna th' hood,

we're scared dat Mueller's got us good!

Mouthpiece #1

Got us good!

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet

Got us good, got us good,

got us goddamn good.

We're scared dat Mueller's got us good!

Mouthpiece #2

Dat's such a touchin' story!

Mouthpiece #1

Lemme tell it t' th' woild!

Mouthpiece #2

Jes' tell it t' th' judge!

Mouthpiece #1

Dear kinky Judge, yer Honor,

dis case is justa bluff.

Mueller ain't got evidence —

well some, but not enuf!

We never met no Ruskis —

jes' one or two — a tad.

Oh, sweet Jesus, no wonna I'm “SO SAD!”

Mouthpiece #3

Right!

GRU ski? I doan really care!

I'm a GOP judge, so, for you, I'm balanced 'n fair!

Mueller ain't got no business bein' annoyed.

Dis here's a case for Sigmund Freud!

Mouthpiece #1

Sigmund Freud!

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet

Sigmund Freud, Sigmund Freud,

Sigmund Freud, Sigmund Freud.

Dis here's a case for Sigmund Freud!

Mouthpiece #3

Inna opinion uv dis court, dis here's

a case fer th' twenny-fidth amendment.

So convene a tribunal.

Mouthpiece #1

Hey, we're gonna have a tribe urinal!

My father was a bastard,

my mother ignored me,

my grandpa German draft-dodged,

'n was not here legally,

my junior is a loser,

'n Eric's even worse.

Goodness gracious, why am I be so cursed?

Mouthpiece #4 (Mike Pence)

Yes!

You major disrupt-ski, you shouldn't be here.

God got you elected t' advance my career.

May he forgive whatever you've done,

but as the President, you're gone.

Mouthpiece #1

I am gone?

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet

You are gone, you are gone,

you are gone, gone, gone.

From this moment on, you're gone!

Mouthpiece #4

By the power sorta invested in me by th' twenny-fidth commandment,

I cast you out.

Donald, get thee behind me!

Mouthpiece #1

I'm an outcast!?

Mouthpiece #4

So take him to a rest home.

Mouthpiece #1

So now I'm in dis rest home,

dey took away my phone,

Pence is inna White House,

Melania's alone,

dey didden treat me fairly,

dey were very rude.

Nex' time, maybe, I will not collude.

Mouthpiece #5

Well,

usin' GRU ski, was not very smart.

Yeah, you made a “deal”, but it sure was not “art”.

Ya got y'self caught wid tight-whities down.

Honestly, yer stupid 'n a clown!

Mouthpiece #1

I'm a clown!

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet

He's a clown, he's a clown,

He's a goddamn clown.

Donald Trump is jes' a clown!

Mouthpiece #3

The trouble is he's lazy!

Mouthpiece #5

Not to mention his sex kinks!

Mouthpiece #3

The trouble is he's crazy!

Mouthpiece #5

The trouble is he stinks!

Mouthpiece #3

The trouble is his success

Mouthpiece #4

is grossly overblown!

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet

GRU ski, thanks for all you've sown.

GRU ski,

thank you so very much. . .

Mouthpiece #1

I've never seen a pair of boobs that I couldn't touch.

Trumpster Dumbster Mouthpiece Quartet

Gee GRU ski,

you Russian pus.

You, GRU ski,

TRUMPed us!

No. 298.1: EXTRA! Putin Okays U.S. Expulsions

Guardian: US orders expulsion of 60 officials as Poland, Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia summon ambassadors with more nations expected to follow

Dear Donald,

Relax, bro.

As always

I got your back.

For your response

to my Brit

poison attack,

here is a list

of guys to expell.

(I've already replaced them,

so what the hell.)

No need to worry

no call to be sad

there's more where they came from

As ever,

Vlad

No. 298: Oh, Mueller, Where Is Thy Sting? (a very private GOP prayer)

(with apologies to Sting)

Email subscribers click here for music.

Oh, the GOP's frantic with Trump perturbation

now that they learned he believes he's the nation.

Though surely they knew he brought with him baggage

they convinced themselves to embrace this sad marriage

to his incivility and lying, his want of ability —
there now is no way they can duck culpability.

And there's the fact staring them square in the face

that he's much more in favor than them with their base,

“Ah, but were are we goin'?” GOP leaders debate,

“We can not be losing, this can not be our fate.

We can't in the mid-terms let mere voters decide

since we know, of course, we've got God on our side.

There's our Evenjellyskulls, pro-life Catholics of Rome

a few mainstream Protestants and Jews still call us home.

Added to those, our you-can't-check-me gun sales.

(We count on gun makers' donations when all else fails. 

To be perfectly frank the party is always for sale.)

All we can do is hope Bob Mueller prevails

and that the NRA won't come up with his bail

when Trump goes to jail.

Oh, the clink of his chains

which will keep him from bimbos

will be sweet music to all of our ears.

His tariffs on steel

and his bluster will end when

Trump goes to jail.

And whatever we've promised, whatever we’ve done,

And whatever the station in life we’ve become,

We will say we don't consider him and us one — 

for the right sum we'd support Attila the Hun,

but that is not something we'll tell anyone — 

when Trump goes to jail.

Oh, the clink of his chains

which will keep him from bimbos

will be sweet music to all of our ears.

His tariffs on steel

and his bluster will end when

Trump goes to jail.

When Trump goes to jail!”