№ 707: Donnie Mercury*

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AMONGTHERUINS (October 17)

(with apologies to Buck Ram)

I have never been a pretender (thank you, screw you)
I actually am doing well (thank you, screw you)
I am top notch, yes, you may touch my crotch
We all know I'm going to hell

No, I've never been a pretender (thank you, screw you)
There's nothing that I could not own (thank you, screw you)
I cheat, I lie and I alibi
and then I tweet on my phone

When real news claims that I am corrupt
I say it's FAKE! and my fans eat it up.
Okay, maybe I am a pretender (so what, who cares)
surrounded by even worse clowns (Rudy, Rudy)
I'm seen to be what I am (you see)
I wear a lamé dressing gown
I really do need a crown

Yeah-ah-ah-ah, wah-ha-ha-who
I'm such a heal that it can't be concealed
Okay, maybe I am a pretender
surrounded by even worse clowns (Rudy, Rudy)
I'm seen to be what I am (you see)
in my gold lamé dressing gown
I really do
I really do want a crown
——————————
*Mercury: a Roman god of commerce, eloquence, travel, cunning, and theft who serves as messenger to the other gods — Merriam Webster

№ 706.1: EXTRA! EXTRA! Get Yer Fax Straight! EXTRA! EXTRA!

Mulvaney Says Holdup of Ukraine Aid Was Tied to Trump’s Demand for DNC Server (Paywall)

WASHINGTON—A top White House official for the first time linked President Trump’s decision to hold up aid to Ukraine to his desire for Kyiv to probe a Democratic National Committee server related to the 2016 election, then hours later issued a statement contradicting his own remarks.

The initial comments at a White House briefing by acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney caused alarm among senior White House aides and the president’s legal team. Mr. Trump has repeatedly denied there was any quid pro quo related to the aid. Late Thursday afternoon, Mr. Mulvaney issued a statement, reviewed by Mr. Trump, reversing his remarks and saying there was no connection.

WHATISAIDWASNOTWHATISAID (October 17)

What part of absolute do you not understand?
What Donnie does is the law of the land.
God put him in office (we all agree)
so he could rule over us by decree.
If Congress and Courts do not go along. . .
well, let's just say, that won't be for long.
We do still insist this is a democracy.
You got a problem with this hypocrisy?
Were I in your place, I would not let that be known,
I would keep my head low and bow down to the throne.
Winner take all is how we play the game,
and you suckers lost. Ain't that a shame?

(And, please, gracious leader, do not have me shot
or say I'm a “great guy” and you “like me a lot”.
We know every time you utter those words,
the “great guy” gets gone. Just like the Kurds.)

For Republicans:

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For Democrats:

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№ 706: Donnie Bosa Nova

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BOSA OF ALL BOSAS (October 16)

(with apologies to Antônio Carlos Jobim,  Vinicius de Moraes and  Norman Gimbel)

Gross and old and bald and ugly,
squeaking, squawking, tweeting and balking,
this sleazy Queens guy
who's Satan's minion per-sists
His lips move
you know he's lying
that he's there is mor-tif-y-ing
you question how could
a just God ex-ist
Ooh, but he so churns your stomach
how can we rid ourselves of him
this total a-moral hummock
each day
brings more misery
he lies con-tin-u-al-ly
Gross and old and bald and ugly,
squeaking, squawking, tweeting and balking,
this sleazy Queens guy
who's Satan's minion per-sists
Why does he ex-ist
Why must he ex-ist
How can he ex-ist
Goddam, but I'm pissed

№ 705: Rudiments Of Crime

LOCK HIM UP?
Giuliani Parts Ways With His Brand New Attorney – Then Threatens House Democrats to ‘Enforce’ Their Subpoena

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STANISLAS' WORKSHOP, UKRAINE (October 15)

(with apologies to John Frederick Coots and Haven Gillespie)

You're gettin’ divorced

you are corrupt

you're lyin’ for Trump

your number is up

Rudy G, you're goin’ t’ jail

It is not just

you are not nice

you hang with crooks

you pay the price

Rudy G, you're goin’ t’ jail

Who paid for the law school

where you got your JD?

To figure out the answer. . .

it don't take no PhD

You're gettin’ divorced

you are corrupt

you're lyin’ for Trump

your number is up

Rudy G, you're goin’ t’ jail

№ 704.1 EXTRA!: Donnie Does Turkey

Trump asks Turkey for ceasefire and orders sanctions as violence escalates

President freezes negotiations on $100bn trade deal
Trump vows to ‘swiftly destroy Turkey’s economy’

INHISDREAMS (October 15)

No more U.S. towels, whiskey and coffee.
Donnie is blocking these vital exports.
The Turks must accede to all his demands
or there'll be no U.S. pork for their forks.
If they refuse, he'll wash his hands
and destroy their economy
like he did Iran's.

№ 704: The Illusionist's Game Plan (the method to the madness)

DONNIEWORLD (October 14)

1. Misdirect the masses attention.
2. Play to aggrieved delusions.

3. Accuse opponents of condescension.

Victory's a foregone conclusion.

Now they see it.
Now they don’t.
Now it was never there.

Your hand is too small
to palm pennies or dimes.

Aware of your “hair”,
they can't see your crimes.

You learned from the master,

crooked Roy Cohn,

a totally immoral weasel,

if you entertain ’em —

give 'em a show —

almost anything’s feasible.

They gawk and they gape

and they applaud,

they beg you to never stop it.

They chant your name,

they call you their king.

They never feel
your hand in their pocket.

Whatever you do,

deny doing anything.

YOU HAVE —
AGAIN! —
BEEN DEFAMED!

Followers swallow obvious crap.

They feel exactly the same.

The fight was not fair,

the contest was rigged,

They, too, were denied their due.

Malevolent forces are everywhere. 

They, THE GOOD PEOPLE,

they are with you,

their hero — true, brave and strong.
The PEOPLE'S CHAMPION,

who is never wrong.

A savior to fix unbelievable evil,

undo their defeats, punish the cheats

and free them from feeling enfeebled.

All those opposed
must be corrupt.

And if not shot,
should, at least,
be locked up.

№ 703: Ye Olde Monnye (the bedde fellows o' wee Donnie)

MOUNT OLYMPUS, US (October 13)

We would be hard pressed to say which made us greater:

“Always shoot first and ask questions later!”

or the American motto from day number one:

“The only good Injun's a dead In-DIE-yun!”?

Then, too, we had slavery and business knavery,

excuse me, I meant shap Yankee traydahs, ayeh! —

smugglers, rum runners. Not to mention tax cheats.

The founders. In fact, our ancient elites.

Our first upper class as opposed to the crass

noveau riche, parvenu, Gatsby-ish

Catholics, Jews, Mormons — or worse! —

who dare assail Mount Olympus,

which we would were invincible. 

As it once was. (In principle.)

Now we have Asians. With PhD's.

And scores of Latinos. Breeding disease.

Flocking en masse to our sacred shore.

We are damned mad, WE CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!

We voted for Donnie (despite some unease)

fearing this “cure” worse than any disease.

Having said that, on the hole, we are pleased.

Though Donnie's lies are credulity straining

he, bless his [sic] soul, is sooo entertaining.

How you got there is never a mystery

when you find yourself on the ash heap of history.