№ 763: Two Questions

THE FOG (January 5)

Which enemy general killed more Americans:
Suleimani? Robert E. Lee?
Name the greater terrorist state:
Islamic Republic? Confederacy?

An enemy far away is a threat.
So is an enemy near.
That some see fit to celebrate it 
seems, to me, just a bit queer.

№ 762.2: EXTRA! THE Plan

IMPERIAL PALACE BUNK-ER (January 4)

Great Leader
Great Nation
Great War
That's what I'm aiming for
Something textbook
that will make the best book
that anyone ever saw
I'll be signing copies
with great aplomb
soon as my “ghost” writes 
The Art Of The Bomb

№ 762.1: EXTRA! The Donnie Doctrine (a wack job's whack job)

IMPERIAL PALACE BUNKER (January 3)

I learned from John Gotti. . .
also from Queens. . .
if you got an enemy
and you got the means,
what you gotta do,
without any doubt,
is first chance you get
is you take 'im out.

Then, preferably,
praise fulsomely
those who raise statues 
of Robert E. Lee.

№ 704.1 EXTRA!: Donnie Does Turkey

Trump asks Turkey for ceasefire and orders sanctions as violence escalates

President freezes negotiations on $100bn trade deal
Trump vows to ‘swiftly destroy Turkey’s economy’

INHISDREAMS (October 15)

No more U.S. towels, whiskey and coffee.
Donnie is blocking these vital exports.
The Turks must accede to all his demands
or there'll be no U.S. pork for their forks.
If they refuse, he'll wash his hands
and destroy their economy
like he did Iran's.

№ 684: To War Or Not To War (in need of digression)

Trump says US response to oil attack depends on Saudi Arabia's assessment

US secretaries of state and energy both explicitly blamed Iran for the attack but Trump suggests US did not have definitive evidence

...Trump suggested on Monday the US did not have definitive evidence, adding that he would send the secretary of state, Mike Pompeo, to Riyadh to investigate.

GIMME SHELTER (September 16)

Well it could be Iran.

I think I would know.

If anyone can.

But I will find out.

Meanwhile. . .locked and loaded.

If it was Iran, they may have been goaded

by our Allies (the Saudis,

to a man princes).

I will strike back if they can convince me

it won't cost U.S. money

or U.S. lives.

(Fact of the matter, war gives me hives.)

I'm sending Mike P.

(Pompeo, not Pence.)

To see if he can make any sense

of what's going on,

which side are liars,

(to look out for islands in need of buyers),

if our friends (the Saudis)

are willing to pay

all of the costs of this affray.

Trust me, I won't put

the homeland at risk.

But as a precaution, I'm under my desk.

Click
(WARNING: Video accompanying Rolling Stones “Gimme Shelter” contains graphic Vietnam war footage. Viewer caution is urged. NOT! KIDDING!)

[updated 9/17/2019 12:02 am]

№ 647: Late Night Musings To Go With Snacks, Diet Cokes And Lotsa Big Macs

TRUMPWORLD (July 25)

When you win a war, people are thrilled.
They quickly forget how many you killed.
People love wars and stories of glory
They forget wars are horribly gory.

If I give the okay to go bomb Iran,
what will Kim think in Korea?
And Xi, in China, would he agree
bombing's a great panacea?
Would he similarly threaten Taiwan
if I give the okay to go bomb Iran?

I'm President, I can do what I want to.
Trudeau disses me, I bomb Toronto.

№ 643.1: EXTRA! Trump's Millions

Trump says he could win Afghan war 'in a week … but I don't want to kill 10m' 

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Robert Allen and Al Stillman)

TRUMP WORLD (July 22)

I don't want to kill ten million.
No, not much.
Turn Afghanistan vermilion.
No, not much.
Although I could bomb that nation any time,
I would rather bomb Iran. . .that would be fine.
Would I start a major conflict?
In a clutch.
Funny now how it comes down to my crazy touch.
I could go around the bend,
maybe cause the world to end.
Ah, but would I do it?
Stay in touch. . .

№ 622.1: EXTRA! Bombs Away (NOT!)

Trump: ‘In No Hurry’ to Confront Iran

President Trump said he called off a retaliatory military strike on Iran just 10 minutes before its planned start. . .

ON SECOND “THOUGHT”, June 21

Lesser gods can't recall their lightning strikes.
I've just shown I'm one who can
turn round a bomber and unlike Obama
I'm a natural born U.S. citizen.

No meteor or other invader
would dare create a Chicxulub crater.
Not while Donald Trump is in charge.
The universe knows who's the new sheriff in Dodge.

[updated 6/21/2019 1:20 pm]

№ 557.2: EXTRA! A New Revelation Revealed (Really!)

Pompeo says God may have sent Trump to save Israel from Iran

US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has said it is "possible" that President Donald Trump was sent by God to save Israel from Iran.

WASHINGTON, March 23

This just in. And it's truly stunning.

Trump is revealed as the second (first?) coming,

come to save Israel from evil Iran

Syria, Qatar and Pakistan.

Actually anywhere Muslims are found

but since Muslims hate dogs, not the dog pound

where all things Trump do tend to go

since none has the ever been judged “best in show”.

Therefor, if one is hunting for witches,

one only need look where these sons of bitches

congregate, salivate, dementedly fulminate:

“We've told you a thousand times if we've told you once,

Trump is the chosen one, Gott ist mit uns.”

[corrected 3/22/2019, 10:30 pm EDT]

№ 523: Iranic

Though mullahs hold

toxic opinions.

(Not unlike — may I say it —

GOP politicians?)

We may someday reach

a peace between us.

They are just Shi'as

not Christian extremists.

№ 454: Realpolitik — making tomorrow's problems today

NYT: THE TRAGEDY OF SAUDI ARABIA’S WAR (Paywall)

CHEST HEAVING AND EYES FLUTTERING, the 3-year-old boy lay silently on a hospital bed in the highland town of Hajjah, a bag of bones fighting for breath.

The harshest criticism of the Saudi-led war has focused on the airstrikes that have killed thousands of civilians at weddings, funerals and on school buses, aided by American-supplied bombs and intelligence.

Children are starving?
That's truly tragic!
If we could (somehow) 
fix this by magic,
we would.
IF we could.

BUT. . .if babies die
cuz our ally-pal Saudis
use weapons we sell them
fighting these Houthis —
backed by Iran. . .
IRAN?
You. . .understand. . .

We have this. . .plan
to. . .undo Iran.
Like we did, glory be,
in 1953.
You remember, no doubt,
how that one turned out?
Bad guys o'erthrown,
Shah on the throne?
And then Iran
left the oil co’s alone?

We really do. . .pity
these kiddies’ plight
and hope everything (somehow)
comes out all right.

BUT. . .since they are Muslim,
we note (with regret),
if they grow up,
they could pose a threat.

Due to an editing error, the email version of № 452.3: EXTRA! May We Please Be Excused? contained errors. Click here for corrected text.

№ 330: Contemplate This!

Galumphing triumphant toward nuclear brink,

just think where we'd be if Trump took a drink.

I trust our dust would then be all over.

We must, I think, thank Diet Coke that he's sober.
Not, mind!, that that will make a diff
if he pushes us over the nuclear cliff:
North Korea or Iran, if that be his whim,
to show dead father Fred he's better than him.