921: Donnie V Virus

 HERE ANOW (August 12) —

In this virus has Trump met his match?

It is as mindless as he.

Although it is in far better shape

and would prefer much less publicity.

It does not boast, it does not lie,

nor would it fondle a lady's … “thigh”.

It goes about doing its job.

(And, unlike him, has no ties to the mob.)

It is, let's just say, a great deal more reticent

and it would make a better president.

920: Germ Theory

LOOKOUT OUTLOOK (August 11) —

It was only in the late nineteenth century 

that we “discovered” what causes disease.

And yet today we obsess on “God Blessing”

when anyone near us happens to sneeze.

Here’s the thing about germs and us:

we lived together for many millennia.

Okay, they killed us (it was God’s will)

and we developed resistance until

we could kill them with injection or pill.

The final battle has now commenced.

There can be no truce since they have no sense.

And anyway there would be naught to discuss.

The Earth isn't big enough for both of us.

It's bound to be a fight to the end.

Given their numbers, I'd bet on them.

919: Vaccination Vexing Nation

THE VERY GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN (August 10) —

What if we had vaccines safe and effective

and then our AMERICAN nutjob collective

said, “I am on to your devious plots

to mess with my bodily fluids.

It’s a free country. I know my rights

No way I’m gonna take it!

No way that you can make me!”?

Click

It’s Donnie’s World. He’s Looney Tunes,

saying, “We’ll see. Probably soon.”

917: Live Free And Die

American bikers’ display of free-dumb is yet another reason to keep our border closed (Paywall)

When the 80th annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally opens Aug. 7 in South Dakota, it will probably be the largest gathering of humanity anywhere in the world this year. Organizers expect a quarter of a million people to attend over its 10 days. 

“The City of Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is an icon of American Freedom and Independence,” said the City Council in a June press release that confirmed the rally would go ahead, despite daily increases in recorded cases of the COVID-19 virus.

American Free-dumb, more like. The Black Hills will be a petri dish of contagion, spreading back through the United States after the partying rally-goers return home in mid-August. Contact tracing will be near-impossible and pointless.

LIBERTARIANVILLE (August 6) —

I’d rather be on a slab in the morgue

than to cover my mouth with a mask. It

is my choice, I choose to live free.

Also, I got a great deal on a casket.

So I infect others? Boohoo! Too bad.

It's a free country. YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!

If you choose to suck in my air,

and get stuck by the virus, I don’t really care

about you and your kind, you sissy sod.

Stay out of my way and hands off my Hog.

914: Large Graft Warming

DENIAL NATIONAL PARK (August 3) —

The only reason they’re having this hurricane

is to make me look bad.

There’ll be lotsa wind, there’ll be lotsa rain.

Waste of effort. Pathetic. Totally SAD.

My people — wonderful folks — know I am not to blame

for anything bad that ever happens. And they know I am sane.

America’s number one stable genius. The smartest guy in the room.

Who has no need for facts and figures. Or Fauci and Birx presumed doom and gloom.

Who will never panic over some fake pandemic.

(Which is fading, so laugh it off.)

Who will never acknowledge racism’s systemic

and may even ask O. J. to come play some golf.

Who is not afraid of fake climate “science”.

(Global warming’s a Chinese-made myth.)

Who eschews clean air and water compliance.

Who always gets what he wants forthwith.

913: Tweet Storm Warning

NOAA HURRICANE CENTER (August 2) —

If Dems, afraid of Chinese diseases,

do not show up to vote,

while Republicans flock to the the polls even sneezing,

bye-bye Joe Biden — that’s all she wrote.

I propose postponing election

’til we are rid of Chinese infection.

Somebody told me Article II

permits me to do whatever I want to.

I intend to prevent insurrection

with no leftist anarchist avoiding detection.

Blah, blah, blah. So “BLACK LIVES MATTER!”?

Tear gas and flashbangs. See how they scatter,

before my glorious cammo-clad Stasi

and multifarious posses comitati.

909: Generation Gap (pandemic edition)

NOT IN THE SAME PLACE (July 27) —

The Old Man:

No reason for panic. Keep calm. Carry on.

We’ve seen pandemics before.

And, although the climate is changing,

it is not as though we were at war.

Things may get worse. As a matter of fact

peak hurricane season is nearing;

but we are in position for launching Mars missions

and at the launchpad the weather is clearing.

The “Yute”:

I say, FUCK IT, we get in our cars

and drive somewhere they’ve opened the bars.

And the clubs. And the restaurants.

Staying inside in summer sucks.

Can’t go to the park or the beach or a movie.

We need to get OUT. We need to PAR-TY!

And, did I mention, we're sick of Netflix.

We need to have sex — and so do the chicks.

We're at home — ALONE! — while Twitter is trending 

#THEWHOLEGODDAMNFUCKINGWORLDSENDING!

906: From The Society For The Preservation Of Viruses — Donald J. Trump, Honorary Executive Chairman (or The Enemy Within)

EVERYWHERE (July 22) —

We are unprotected and adversely affected

by sun, soap suds, and water,

which, either alone or in combination,

can lead to our indiscriminate slaughter.

We are ubiquitous

in a world unfriendly to us.

Though we seem callous,

we bear you no malice.

All we ask

is, “Give us a chance.”

At night, gather tight, without a mask

and, please, please, please, don't wash your hands.

I characterize myself as a realist. — Anthony Fauci, MD

904: Yes, We Have No

HERE AND NOW (July 20) —

With global warming storming reality,

with climate conforming to tropicality,

with Trump's COVID-19 response nonchalance,

with the whole world going to hell all at once,

with high hurricane season nearly upon us,

with vote suppression forcing four more years on us,

with fields of grain replaced by banana plantations,

with our becoming a pariah nation,

with his leading us where we once would not stomach,

Donnie made us a banana republic.

No, don't hope — I wouldn't hope if I were you.

— Brandon Thomas, Charley's Aunt

903: Our Lovely Little Plague (a worst case scenario)

PAST PRISM (July 19) —

The thing no one at all understands,

whether they lean left or right,

either the end of the world is at hand

or it just hove into sight.

A third of the world's people may die —

that's what pandemics can do

when measures against them are insufficient

and incompetent “leaders” haven't a clue.

That little thing back in 1918?

Expired three percent of the globe.

Coronavirus, I fear, aspires

to emulate one of the Great Plagues of old.

One thing is certain:

we've not learned a thing.

Prepare for the curtain,

bada-boom, bada-bing.

Against stupidity the very gods

Themselves contend in vain.

— Friedrich Schiller,
The Maid of Orleans

897: Donnie’s PPE Sillyoquy (after Richard № III)

WASHINGTON, A STREET (July 9) —

Let Democrats fear, let them wear hazmat suits

until Chinese virus completely subsides.

I, Donald J. Trump, refuse. I will not.

I’d look ridiculous. Those suits are hot

inside. Plus I have my pride. And my ties

clash with all those suits’ colors and cut.

(Which both emphasize the size of my gut.)

MSDNC would make me a joke.

And, in a hazmat suit, you can’t have a Coke®,

a Big Mac, or some other junk food

which I require when the mood strikes me. 
If I vanish this virus with a decree,

would not then the whole world have to like me

and have to ignore the sad lying book,

probing my massive brain’s crannies and nooks,
that says, psychologically, Trump is deformed,
that this pathology is Trump family norm,
that my father, Fred, was mad as a hatter,
that this gave rise to my need for flattery,
that daddy and mommy never did love me,
that no one could? Is this a discovery?
Trump is as Trump is. Trump does what Trump does.
Trump is trump always. Trump is because.

Donald J. Trump need not wear PPE.

No person, no thing can ever hurt me.

893: Donnie V After Agincourt

Trump claims 99% of US Covid-19 cases are ‘totally harmless’ as infections surge

President’s White House speech capping 4 July celebrations says US coronavirus strategy is ‘moving along well’

The coronavirus has infected 2.8m Americans and killed nearly 130,000, the worst tallies in the world.

AFTER THE BATTLE (July 5) —

What is the count of our Covid dead?

Zero, I say. AND SHRINKING!

For this disease strikes only Democrats

or turncoat Republicans given to thinking

that though Trump (in triumph) locked up the courts

for forty years (maybe more),

prickling incontinent conscience leads 

losers like these to need to abhor

being led by a Falstaff-like boar. 

A louche lout.

That is all their “principle” can be about.

They can not accept God's strangest ways,

in choosing Trump to bring on the End of Days.

892: Special Relativity

DARK MATTER (July 2) —

“IT’S ALIVE! IT’S ALIVE!”

Though it's but a virus

and can’t reproduce on its own.

It’s like a meme,

although it has genes

which turn you into its home,

commandeering your body

in order to breed

and though it may harm you

it pays you no heed —

as we’ve done to Earth,

with a great deal less fuss.

Turns out corona is just like us.

891: Donnie As Falstaff Playing Prince Hal (sort of)

BOAR’S HEAD TAVERN (July 1) —

“Peek-a-boo, I see you.”

That’s all this virus is.

If I close my eyes,

real, real tight,

the virus just disappears.

Eliminate tests, eliminate cases.

Eliminate masks covering faces.

Eliminate protests for “Black Lives Matter”.

Eliminate liberal MSDNC chatter.

*Bounty

Eliminate fake Russian Bounty reports.

Eliminate Democrat judges on courts.

Eliminate Nancy. Eliminate Chuck.

Eliminate Fauci and Birx. They both suck.

Eliminate foreigners crossing our borders.

Eliminate sons. (But keep the daughters.)

Eliminate late night TV “comedians”.

Eliminate wives not born Slovenian.

Eliminate Times, eliminate WaPo.

Eliminate all of the FAKE NEWS Gestapo.

Eliminate alphabets that don’t start with “T”,

but please, please, please, don’t eliminate me.