№ 746: Britain Goes To The Dogs, Er, Polls

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LAND'S END (December 11)

(with apologies to E. Y. Harburg and Jay Gorney)

Boris says we are cream of the crop
and are not Euro yobs,
while Corbyn tells us put him on top,
fire capitalists and the nobs

Both parties offer ice cream and cake
saying they know THE way ahead
but whichever comes out on top
England will likely drop dead

Remember when we carried Thomas Cook
Travellers Cheques all world-round?
Today sterling begets bewildered looks, 
there's no one left respects the pound

Yesterday Britannia ruled the waves,
people found the pound sound
Tomorrow we'll be burning notes in caves
when no one will accept the pound

Now it seems as though England's under a spell
and will only further decline
And though it's deserved, it still hurts like hell
Our sun set, it doesn't shine

We can all remember when Frogs and Wogs
and Huns and Micks all bowed down
Today Kaffirs write award-winning books
but reject the prize when it's in pounds

№ 644: Mr. Johnson Regrets (a history lesson)

LITTLE BRITAIN (July 22)

“There will always be an England,”

is what we used to say,

before Boris Bumptious

gave it all away

by turning back the calendar

to the time before

when Britain was divided

and there was a score

of dueling petty “kingdoms",

not one of which was "Great”

let alone “United”,

let alone a state

in any sense resembling

what Britain would become

from Land's End to John o' Groats and

a never setting sun,

until undone by history

as empires ever are,

a process Boris can't reverse.

Grande Bretagne, au revoir.

No. 216.2: EXTRA! Yankee Stay Home!

In the hours after President Trump retweeted a string of anti-Islamic hate videos, Britons reiterated their call for his state visit to be canceled.

In the House of Commons, several members of Parliament suggested that the president should be uninvited. 

WaPo: Trump’s visit to Britain probably won’t be canceled. At least, not officially. (Paywall)

Today in U.K., Trump's persona non grata

there they see him as shellfish* see otters.

A devouring beast,

to say the least,

but with defective medulla oblongata†.

'Tis a pity our deranged irrational

leader's taken his tweets international,

reviving The Ugly American

and Making America Grate Again.

His timing in this makes me wary.

Right after Meghan's engagement to Harry.

The Prince, invoking his Royal Right,

made a list of who not to invite

to his Royal wedding.

(You see where I'm heading?)

Trump may make us commoners wince,

but you don't take no shit, when you're a prince!

————————

*I herewith apologize to the smattering

of Brits who find this comparison unflattering.

I mean no “offence”, I'm merely nattering.

†Relax, do not panic.

Medulla is Latin.

It is not Islamic.