№ 887.2: EXTRA! Trump This

Outrage mounts over report Russia offered bounties to Afghanistan militants for killing US soldiers

Fierce response from top Democrats after US intelligence finding was reportedly briefed to Trump in March, but the White House has yet to act

The Times wrote: “The intelligence finding was briefed to Trump, and the White House’s National Security Council discussed the problem at an interagency meeting in late March.” White House officials apparently drew up several possible options to retaliate against the Kremlin, ranging from a diplomatic reprimand right through to fresh sanctions. However, the White House has so far not taken any action.

FUN FACT (June 27) — 

Let’s all calm down and look at the facts:

all soldiers targeted were Democrats.

Vlad, when I asked him, immediately said,

“Sold-yers doan foat forr hue, bet-her hoff dead*.”

Vlad is making our country GREATER,

showing me how to be a dictator.

_______________

*Солдаты не голосуют за вас, лучше умереть

№ 678: Mr. Trump's Neighbor Hoods

Trump Cancels Peace Talks With Taliban Leaders and Afghan President

President tweets that secret meeting at Camp David is off after a Taliban bomb attack in Kabul

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DEPARTMENT OF WISHFUL THINKING (September 8)

(with apologies to Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick)

I shall meet with Afghan Taliban 

E-ven-tu-al-ly

When things are calm

and they promise to not bring a bomb

since there's nothing I really stand for

I'll say “Yes” and I'll roll on the floor

I'll be quiet and meek

Kiss the ring of whatever sheikh

I'm great with whores

but not so with wars

I'm gonna meet with Afghan Taliban
Just ask me

Afghan women repress

I don't care I don't wear a dress

I kinda like

a gal in distress

I'm gonna meet with Afghan Taliban

I know they'll like me

with tyrants liking me is likely

so I'll withdraw all troops and be on my way

I do not care if there's the devil to pay

No more having to moan

about fighting in foreign lands

Why should I care

for Afghanistan

I do not have any golf courses there

I am not wary

I'll meet with Afghan Taliban

It's my pres-id-en-cy

I will do as I choose

No Congress, no courts

I never lose

I'm gonna meet with Afghan Taliban

If they ignore me

I'll still have Kim who just adores me

He'll sell them missiles but I still won't attack

People like me invite a knife in the back

FAKE NEWS papers take note

Here's a statement that you'll misquote

If your real world

is all in your head

sooner than late you get real people dead

I'm very scary

I'll meet with Afghan Taliban

№ 646: Afghanistan Follow Up (body count no-account)

TRUMP WORLD (June 24)

How many would I be willing to kill
to bring about peace in my time?
I truly think ten million too many.
Do I believe five would be fine?
What body count would I require,
how many civilians would need to expire
before I could smile, saying with pride,
“Now I feel sated. I'm satisfied.”

№ 643.1: EXTRA! Trump's Millions

Trump says he could win Afghan war 'in a week … but I don't want to kill 10m' 

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(with apologies to Robert Allen and Al Stillman)

TRUMP WORLD (July 22)

I don't want to kill ten million.
No, not much.
Turn Afghanistan vermilion.
No, not much.
Although I could bomb that nation any time,
I would rather bomb Iran. . .that would be fine.
Would I start a major conflict?
In a clutch.
Funny now how it comes down to my crazy touch.
I could go around the bend,
maybe cause the world to end.
Ah, but would I do it?
Stay in touch. . .

No. CXXXVI: The Great Game Encore

NYT: Angry Trump Grilled His Generals About Troop Increase, Then Gave In (Paywall)

On Monday night, Mr. Trump finally put forward a broader strategy for Afghanistan, one that would require thousands more American troops but place more conditions on the Afghan government....As a private citizen, he repeatedly called on Mr. Obama to withdraw the troops.

Foreign Affairs: Afghanistan, Graveyard of Empires, November/December 2001, (Free registration or paid subscription required)

THE GREAT GAME
...This spot...has witnessed the traverse of the world's great armies on campaigns of conquest...All eventually ran into trouble...

Alexander the Great...ran into fierce resistance...Genghis Khan and the great Mughal emperors...a millennium later...established the greatest of empires -- but only after reaching painful accommodations with the Afghans...

In the nineteenth century...the Great Game, the contest between the United Kingdom and Russia for control of Central Asia and India...[saw]...[t]he first Afghan War (1839-42)...British commanders sent a huge army of British and Indian troops into Afghanistan to secure it against Russian incursions, replacing the ruling emir with a British protege...by January 1842 the British were forced to withdraw from Kabul with a column of 16,500 soldiers and civilians...only a single survivor...made it to Jalalabad...

...The British would repeat [their] mistakes in the second Afghan War (1878-81), as would the Soviets a century later...

If Afghanistan isn't the graveyard of empires,

perhaps it's the hospice where empires expire,

where aiming for victory, clean and complete,

in the end all anyone finds is defeat.

(Meantime: Bannon back at his old professions
contemplates corps of modern day Hessians

and Trump, as he views the eclipse with bare eyes,
says, "The sun never shines brighter than me!")