№ 860: Trump Victory Speech #1022

IN HIS MIND'S I (May 19)  —

Today, I come before you to say

I chased China virus away.

As I promised. It vanished. Like magic!

Some people died? Blah, blah, blah, tragic.

Everyone says my soft summer breezes

are great. And they are deadly for virus diseases.

(Except . . . you know, polio —

which was NOT in my portfolio.)

Further good news. It is a fact.

All of the “dead” are Democrat,

foreign-born, or illegal alien.

Nary a Baptist or Episcopalian.

GOPers survived.

I suppose God should be thanked.

Or it could be the Clorox

(on my advice) that you drank?

But credit God.

Not me. I don't care.

Now to dissolve

Medicaid/Medicare.

We don't need either.

Never have, anyway.

Reopen the country

and let us prey.

№ 817: It's The Economy, Stupid (part deux)

Sen. Ron Johnson is telling people to keep coronavirus in perspective

“I’m not denying what a nasty disease COVID-19 can be, and how it’s obviously devastating to somewhere between 1 and 3.4* percent of the population,” he said.

“But that means 97 to 99 percent will get through this....We don’t shut down our economies because tens of thousands of people die from the common flu,” Johnson said.

BRIGHT SIDE, WI (March 19) —

Letting 'em die could finance a tax cut,
savings on Medicare would be sky high.
Not to mention Social Security.
Dying is a sign of maturity.

What's 3.4%* anyway?

A little bit over ten million!**

Getting rid of our excess of oldies

would save the treasury billions. (Or trillions!)

And even better, matter of fact,

most of 'em probably vote Democrat.

——————

*Sen. Johnson later “corrected” himself to say he meant between 1 and 3.4 percent of the infected population. However, Canadian and German government health authorities have predicted an infection rate of two-thirds of their populations. You do the math: at most, ONLY two-thirds of number of Americans shown below will be infected and die. And even so, these are just numbers, not people, right Sen. Johnson? BTW Ron Johnson is an accountant, so I presume he knows his way around numbers. (If you know what I mean?)

**329,412,932 (March 19, 2:56 EDT)

***11,200,039.382

№ 810: Aweficial GOP Response To The (Any?) Crisis

AND SEW IT GOES (March 10) —

The damned Sanders'-nasties think it is funny,

but poor millionaires are losing money.

Their shares have dropped.

This must be stopped.

We will give millionaires a juicy tax cut

to offset this unfortunate punch in the gut

to our richest, our smartest, our finest, our best  —

and, yes, we do do this at their behest.

(We rely on the virus to deal with the rest.)

For rich folk to suffer is cruel and unfair.

We must end/defund ALL medical care.

If that proves insufficient, for added surety,

we shall repeal so-called “social security”.

Now before you start saying, “Son of a bitch”,

note this IS socialism. It's just for the rich.