923: The Conservative MANifesto

 ON YOUR MARX GET SO (August 16) —

NOTHING! whatever is wrong with the country.

Everything’s just peachy-keen.

We just need to fiddle a bit in the middle …

if you get what we mean?  

There is the question of women’s “rights” …

don’t get us wrong we love our women.

We will not neglect them. We will protect them.

We’ll keep ’em in bed- AND table linen.

Then there’s the issue of “rights” for minorities —

all those non-White or unChristian.

We don’t see “races”. They have their places.

In their assigned, lower positions. 

SCOTUS is right. Business is people.

And, yes, they give us donations.

BUT, unlike individuals, they should not be subject

to laws or controls or regulations. 

A sperm and an egg. One person or two?

We will protect the unborn.

All fertile women will give birth once a month.

(Talk of your “maiden all forlorn”!) 

Of course, we support two party democracy —

well, perhaps, one-and-a-half.

Between ourselves and Kanye West

we’ve got you covered. All else is chaff.  

Church and State must be kept separate.

With OUR Church ensconced on top.

All other “faiths” will be forbidden,

their believers leaving or compelled to swap.

 

Guns are not cars. Or dogs. Or marriage.

No license for guns shall be required.

Unlike those things, guns are quite safe, 

and, as with wives, they can be “fired”.  

 

Criminal activity will be prohibited.

We will strongly enforce all the laws

that we agree with and that do not interfere

with our doing whatever we want just because. 

By conceiving ourselves as God’s Only Party,

we believe we’ll achieve everlasting authority.

The vast majority, however, we note

does not share our view. They must not vote.

We have the answer to every question

whether you like it or not.

If you can’t accept this God's honest TRUTH,

you will be frog-marched outside and shot.

№ 798: Conservatives Never Write Protest Songs

REAL WORLD (February 24) —
Conservatives never write protest songs.

They don't waste their time

fretting over meter or metaphor.

They listen to neither reason nor rhyme.

Liberals, thinking they're ever so clever,
their heads in the cloud, sing loudly

incessantly, hoping to win hearts and minds.

Their view of reality? Well, never mind.

Liberals can't learn nor will they acknowledge
songs do not win the Electoral College.

№ 775: An American Conservative Manifesto

NEVERNEVERLAND (January 22)

Ignorance and superstition,

is what we need more of today.

Even that may not be sufficient

to make the twentieth century just go away.

“Mohammed” Murdoch (PBUH) foxily

co-opted the label and reset the table

of public discourse, insisting “facts”

are Liberal constructs, mere artifacts.

Starting with TR and Taft and Wilson

(though Woody ALL RIGHT on race),

the century got off to a god-awful start,

the lower orders forgetting their place.

Taxes on income! Workers with “rights”!

Undesirables mass immigration!

Child labor laws and women voting

began the decline of the nation.

We must return to the founders' principles

if we wish to be number one:

shoot first and ask questions later,

the only good Injun's a dead 'un,
conquer we must when our cause it is just,
and learn to love what should disgust.
You can commit most any sin . . .
only thing matters is whether you win.

№ 445: Coming Exactions?

Today's Conservatives are forever pissed,

existing on outrage and anger.

Whilst Liberals always, heads in the air,

waver betwixt hope and despair.

This gets me to thinking. . .this U.S dismemberment

is less about principles and more about temperament.

Neither side's likely to give it a rest.

They agree: “Carthago delenda est.”

You could choose to refuse to choose either side
and go and find an obscure place to hide
until Armageddon has come and has gone
and quote Godot: “I can't go on, I'll go on.”

№ 327: Conservatives?

Today's “Conservatives” are ignorant RADICALS,

  Bible Belt Trumpers and Ayn Rand extremists.

The latter, like Marxists, don't get economics.

  The former don't understand Jesus.

Discussing religion is always fraught,

  therefore the less said the better.

HOWEVER. . . ignoring the message while always insisting

  you're following it to the letter?!

Though GOP Randys pander to “Christians”

  to achieve legislative majorities,

when in power they say “What the hell, screw 'em.

  Their concerns are not our priorities.”

Seeing these creeps Lady Liberty weeps
  and lowers her torch in despair.

The Randarians can not tell truth from swill
  while the “Christians” haven't a prayer*.
_______________________
*Cf. Matthew 6:7

№ 324: When We Disagree

My side is right.

Your side is wrong.

And I suspect you

knew that all along.

Oh sure, you cite reasons

for your “mistaken” belief,

but you know these “reasons”

are a fig leaf.

Your tortuous thinking

just makes me scoff.

Therefore, let me ask,

“Who's paying you off?”

You have to know better,

deep down inside.

Unless you are stupid. . .

or your brain's fried.

If we're being truthful

you have to agree,

all the best people

agree with me.

Now I want to be fair.

I don't want to condemn,

but I'm starting to think

you're one of THEM!

And if you're THEM,
you devil weevil,
how could I have missed all these years
you're pure evil?

     *   *   *   *
UPDATE to a story we covered June 2, 2017
No. LXXVIII: Terminal Experiment (withdrawal from Paris Climate Accord)

No. 249: The GOP Path Forward

Dems gotta admit to their chagrin

our GOP's free of original sin.

Republican sin from time aboriginal

has never been the least bit original.

Any sin our Grand Old Party commits

is “in God's name”. (Which He permits.)

God loves sinners. God loves boozers,

God loves winners. God hates losers.

Through trial, tribulation, locusts and famine

we've striven to serve both God and Mammon.

The trick is to stick to what's tried and true

never — but NEV-ER! — try anything new.

Keep on, keeping on, do what you're doin'.

Onliest way to avoid certain ruin.

Lost? Don't change course. Drive faster and faster.

Changing direction is courting disaster.

Whenever you encounter a setback,
blame it on a Mexican wetback
or anyone with a natural tan
who, unlike you, is not pale and wan.

No. 230: Perpetual Demotion (re: Marx)

The effete elite

manipulate mobs,

the hoi polloi

everyday slobs,

in whom they inspire

anguish and ire.

These mobs so exhorted

fear jobs exported

and long to see

neighbors deported.

They are moved to support

leaders renowned

for keeping inferiors 
(like themselves) down.

Down where,
working for hire,

the lower classes 
tend to perspire.

Down, down, down

their whole life long
where they belong,

amidst the throng.

Down, furthermore, 
where workers and peasants
dare not aspire

to be in the presence of,
nor seek to compete with, 
the effete elite.

[corrected: 12/20/2017, 12:12 pm]

No. CIII: Liberal v Conservative

The Liberal elite

is—face it!—effete.

All “care”, unaware

of need to compete.

Conservatives live

for take with no give.

They define the divine

as “mine, mine—ALL mine”. 

No. LIV: Imp it us

Conservatives thrive on ANGER and FEAR.

Liberals subsist on HOPE and "SINCERE".

I persevere with WINE, WHISKEY and BEER.