№ 747: Like Father Like Son (times two)

Donald Trump Jr killed rare endangered sheep in Mongolia with special permit

• Permit issued after meeting with country’s president
• Argali sheep considered national treasure in Mongolia

On a hunting trip to Mongolia earlier this summer the US president’s son Donald Trump Jr killed a rare species of endangered sheep. A permit for the killing was retroactively issued after Trump met with the country’s president...

Email subscribers click here.

THE ENTITLED TOWER (December 12)

(with apologies to Cole Porter)

I shoot sheep in the night

with a high powered rifle

With my laser sight

I ex-e-cute my kill

I shoot sheep in the night,
though the species's endangered
and I don't have a permit
it's such a thrill

For I am junior to Donald Trump
Good behavior, is just for chumps
Whate'er we choose to do, that is our right
Though my dad's getting dim, people still worship him 
and I thrill to kill in the night*
—————————
*Cf.  Church of England's Common Worship:
     Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us.
     Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, have mercy on us.
     Lamb of God, you take away the sin of the world, grant us peace.

№ 629: Movie Pitch

FANTASYLAND (July 1)

Here's this idea for a new Disney flick.

It’s got a princess. It can be made quick.

Her dad, the king, has always been nuts.

Two weak evil brothers — audience loves hating their guts.

Maybe a semi-legitimate sister

and baby hubby who dares not resist her.

Then something happens — you know, movie stuff —

and daddy’s deposed, but not quick enough

and evil “Uncle” — did I mention him? —

ascends the throne. Turns out he’s rotten.

Worse than her dad, worse than both brothers.

Seems like he’s had too few grandmothers.

Then more of the usual Hollywood stuff.

A perfect project for Hillary Duff!

It could be a musical. Like I said all along.

Hilly could write (at least) one of the songs.

Maybe it's a live-action cartoon:

Princess Ivanka! Go see it soon!

No. 295.1: EXTRA! From The Trump Family Archives (DO NOT DISCLOSE)

     As a real estate executive and reality TV star, Donald J. Trump tightly controlled his image by insisting that everyone around him sign nondisclosure agreements. . .
     A few months into his presidency, Mr. Trump. . .ordered Reince Priebus, then his chief of staff, to do the same thing in the West Wing.
     The nondisclosure agreement, presented by Mr. Priebus to the senior staff last April. . .was an early indication that Mr. Trump, who spent decades using pressure tactics and secrecy in his private life, wanted to do the same thing at the White House. . . .

— NYT:  White House Job Requirement: Signing a Nondisclosure Agreement (Paywall)

[updated 3/21/2018, 7:11 pm]

No. 225.2: EXTRA! Trump's Polar Last Resort

burning clean coal

advances my goal

growing peaches

on beaches

at my North Pole

oil field golf course

and sport resort

the entertainment

part of the deal

Don Jr. 

harpoons a

humongous whale

while Eric clubs 

a live baby seal

Ivanka's designer polar bear rugs

provide comfy places for kisses and hugs

(and dare I hope groping asses and juggs)

No. 212: Donald Shows Parental Concern

President Trump wants daughter Ivanka Trump and son-in-law Jared Kushner to return to New York because they're being damaged by bad press. — Metro: Trump wants Jared and Ivanka to return to New York

I feel distressed,
getting you kids

into this mess.
Seeing your names

in the headlines.

(In type 

larger than MINE.)

Go back to New York.

It'll be great!

Buy a small farm.

Someplace upstate!
You'll be happier there

with all the animals

and the fresh air!
Great for my grandkids.

Better for you!

(Can you can take Eric

and Don Junior, too?)

No. CLXXVII: In Nomine Patris et Filii et Whatever Eric Is

A decade ago, Donald Trump Jr. told Forbes this story about his now-presidential father. "I'd be going to work with my dad when I was 5 or 6 years old...

"Besides telling me again and again not to drink, not to smoke and not to chase women, he always told me: 'Never trust anybody.' Then he'd ask me if I trusted anybody. I'd say, 'No.' 'Do you trust me?' he'd ask. I'd say, 'Yes.' "

"And he'd say: 'No! Don't even trust me!' "

— Forbes: Inside Trump’s Head: An Exclusive Interview With the President, And The Single Theory That Explains Everything

In Don Junior's youth
Donald Senior spoke truth:

“Listen, my boy,

let me put you wise.

Believe me, your daddy

was born to tell lies.

Over my heart,

when I undress,

Marla — MOM! — sees my tattoo:

BORN TO BE TRUTHLESS.”

The Father did, indeed, practice virtue,

no drinking, no smoking —

though there was pussy stroking.

Don Junior and Eric'll

still get hysterical

if you say their dad

is a tad of a cad.

Though lads so raised

could become cannibals.

DJ and Eric just

murder large animals.

No. CXLIX.ii: EXTRA! Trump Jr Testifies

NYT: Trump Jr. Says He Wanted Russian Dirt to Determine Clinton’s ‘Fitness’ for Office (Paywall)

Donald Trump Jr. told Senate investigators on Thursday that he set up a June 2016 meeting with a Russian lawyer because he was intrigued that she might have damaging information about Hillary Clinton, saying it was important to learn about Mrs. Clinton’s “fitness” to be president.

Opening statement from Crown Prince Donald J. Trump, Jr.:

Mr. Chairman, let me dispel your confusion,
I never engaged in any collusion.
That time I met with a roomful of Russians?
I never dreamed there could be repercussions.
Hence dispense with the pillory.
All I wanted was dirt on Hillary,
something to cast doubt on her fitness
that's the God's honest truth, as Jared's my witness.
It is so rude to think I'd collude
I only was helping Uncle Vlad to intrude
to assure dad became president.
Your insinuations I deeply resent.
I did not with Russians co-ordinate.
I simply ate what they put on my plate.
My email reply did say "I love it."
I can't deny it. (But you can go shove it!)
Why must I suffer this partisan rancor?
How come no one, EV-ER, questions Ivanka?

No. CVI: "Related" Stories?

WSJ: Trump Jr. Met Russian Lawyer Who Claimed to Have Information on Hillary Clinton (paywall)

In a statement Sunday, Donald Trump Jr. said he didn’t know the lawyer’s name before the meeting, and said they were set up by an “acquaintance” from the 2013 Miss Universe pageant.

NASA: 2017 Total Eclipse Of The Sun

On Monday, August 21, 2017, all of North America will be treated to an eclipse of the sun.

As mansplain of Junior's Moscow hook-up unzips

could we be facing (finally) the Trumpocolypse?

Will Daddy have NASA make this son eclipse?

Mr. Trump jr., one question?

I don't mean to be cute,

but when you say "acquaintance" 

do you mean prostitute?

(I know, I know...it was all for fun

and after all, like father, like son?)