№ 887.1: EXTRA! A Believer Unmasked

PERSPECTIVE (June 26) —

I see no reason to put on a mask.

Republican Christian, you see.

I believe Jesus and Donnie

are able to forever protect me.

So, even though the far left conspires 

with all of our enemies — one-celled and many —

envious of our freedom and plenty,

I will never consider donning a mask.

(Though maybe I would if Donnie should ask.)

Without Donnie and Jesus and QAnon

we'd be exposed. We'd be overrun.

THEY'd take our guns.

THEY'd make us sick.

But they can't do that.

Donnie's too slick.

Donnie is so exceedingly clever,

it'd be GREAT if he ruled forever.

Or, at the least, until I die

and go to Jesus up in the sky.

After which, though I still wish him well,

let Donnie return to his father in hell.

№ 456: Consti-what-shun?

WSJ: Trump Wants to Curb Birthright Citizenship, Escalating Immigration Debate

Legal scholars dismiss the idea, saying a president lacks standing to do it on his own

In an interview published Tuesday morning, just ahead of next week’s midterms, Mr. Trump said he planned an executive order to end what is known as birthright citizenship, bypassing Congress and waving off the belief of many legal scholars that such a move would require a change to the Constitution.

“It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don’t,” he told Axios. “It’s in the process. It’ll happen, with an executive order.”

As president I can do what I like.

Because if I can't. . .where's the fun?

I can, if I want, have someone shot,

then charge them for use of the gun.

I learned all this stuff from my boy, Stephen Miller.

(He reminds me so much of Roy Cohn.)

Although he resembles a serial killer,

he's more like a Mafia don.

Steve, when he's near, fills folks with fear.

Like my boy Roy, his smile is a sneer.

Two of a kind. My kinda guys.

Don'cha just love their really dead eyes?

Two of a kind: Roy Cohn and Stephen Miller

NYT: Trump Attacks Ryan, Who Scoffed at Birthright Citizenship Plan (Paywall)

In a Twitter post on Wednesday, Mr. Trump presented his own legal argument: “It is not covered by the 14th Amendment because of the words ‘subject to the jurisdiction thereof,’ ” . . .

With judges who say corporations are people,

then rule people need homes full of guns,

there’s no reason to think undoing amendments

won’t be considered great fun.

Our GOP's quick on the draw to hold up uphold the law.

(Sweetest damned thing that you ever saw!)

We'll fix what is wrong. People will cheer.

And Brett Kavanaugh can have him a beer.

№ 389: Matthew 25:40 (updated)

The Daily Beast: Jeff Sessions’ ‘Religious Liberty Task Force’ Declares Holy War on LGBT People

The attorney general's new ‘Religious Liberty Task Force’ will ensure that the Trump administration’s program of discrimination against LGBT people and others continues unchecked.

We Christians must, of course, be free

to persecute those with whom we disagree.

That is what we mean by religious liberty.

This is because our God is weakish

unable to tolerate anything freakish.

And He gets pissed when we act meekish.

Yeah, right, “inherit the earth”.

We're darned tired of waiting. (For what it's worth.)

Why be last, God wants us first.

So away, we say, with all humility.

Forget Marxist (Christian?) “needs” and “abilities”.

Take what you can, there's no culpability.

You know what you want, then dagnabit.

You go on ahead and you grab it.

We gotta get past the “peace Jesus” habit.

To save us from gays, God gave us AIDS

to kill them by squadrons, battalions, brigades.

The modern equivalent of the Holy Crusades.

So it's a sin to spend Christian tax money on

developing drugs so they go on living on.

Better they die and go where we know they belong.

So much in this world we have to rectify.

So many sinners need to be crucified.

Or, at the least, made to die otherwise.

And to show we are not fooling around

we propose expanding “standing your ground”

to include a [white] Christian's inalienable right

to shoot whoever they dislike on sight.

No. CXX: The GOP Theory Of No Government

The Second Amendment, since you inquire,

is the one we Republicans most admire.
The one, furthermore, in our estimate,

the whole Constitution must emulate.

(And, no, this is not about only gun freedom.
See our cards on the table? Weep as you read 'em!)

Since ALL legislation sticks in our craw,

under us, the Congress shall make NO law.

(Except, of course, you know...that is...

to dictate precisely how everyone lives.)

Laws passed (in error) when Dems get elected,

we will see expeditiously vivisected.

We believe in freedom, the RIGHT to choose.

We are the FAR RIGHT. When we win, you lose.