908: #PWMCT (or PWUNKED 2020)

MINDBOGGLED (July 26) —

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.
Those words prove my mental acuity.

I remember them, so all agree

nothing whatever's the matter with me.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.
Biden, hidin’ down in his cellar . . .

very low-IQ kinda fella.

Not a stable genius like me. 

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.
I know nothing of history.

Not even who started the GOP.

(A lot of people say it was me.)

Person. Woman. Man. Camera. TV.

I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately . . . education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes . . .

— Oscar Wilde, The Importance Of Being Earnest

№ 883: Gilt By Association (or like Vaterland like son and grandson)

EXPLAIN AWAY (June 21) —

There is nothing for breakfast that I find finer

than pancakes made by MY Aunt Jemima.

Abraham Lincoln. Like me, a Republican.

Not many people know that.

What with his seizing citizens’ property,

I figured him for a Democrat.

Big deal, ABRAHAM! You “freed” a few “slaves”.

’Sme made Juney-teenth famous.

’Slike like we whites got too no “Negros”

by listening to Andy and Amos.

My dad, Fred Trump, “liked” die Amerikadeutscher Volksbund

because he was fond of das Vaterland.

There is, however, NO PROOF WHATSOEVER

that daddy or I joined the Ku Klucking Klan.

China's too blame for Kung Influenza

and Hussein Obama was born in Kenya.
“Rule of Law”? For losers and fools.
A strongman rules using whatever tools.

I cudda slud down that ramp at the Point,

but it wudda been SAD if I fell

on account of my shiny slippery soul

and, well, since I’m goin' t' hell . . .

hell, truth to tell, 'swhere I belong

and when I take the country along

it'll be swell. In fact, on the level . . .

made a GREAT deal with my grandpa, the devil.

№ 875.2: EXTRA! RNC Policy Statement

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Gary Klein and Henry Hoffman)

TOP SECRET RNC HUNKER BUNKER (June 10)

We wanna be Donnie's whore

We wanna be Donnie's whore

We're no longer Lincoln's GOP

Because when we're Donnie's whore

we mean REALLY Donnie's whore

we'll repeal the whole last century

People ask, “GOP?

what do you wanna be,

now you don't got a soul anymore?

We know just what to say

We answer right away

There's just one thing

we're wishing for

We wanna be Donnie's whore

We wanna be Donnie's whore

We're no longer Lincoln's GOP

Because when we're Donnie's whore

we mean REALLY Donnie's whore

we'll repeal the whole last century

With Mitch we plot and plan

maybe we'll bomb Iran

and we'll outlaw all things not white

and it the schools we'll pray

everything gay away

make everyone say they're straight alt-right

We wanna be Donnie's whore

We wanna be Donnie's whore

We're no longer Lincoln's GOP

Because when we're Donnie's whore

we mean REALLY Donnie's whore

we'll repeal the whole last century