№ 751: Nancy And Donald, Part I (shake fears and fruit may fall)

NO SPINACH IN POSITION (December 18)

NANCY
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

DONALD
'Sblood, m'lady, they are false: nay, I'll tickle
ye for a kitten, i' faith.

NANCY
Swearest thou, ungracious lump? henceforth ne'er look
on US. Thou art lyingly carried away from true:
there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an
old fat man; a tun of man is thy “companion”. Why
dost thou comport with that tweet of humours, that
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel
of dropsies, that huge bombard of Coke®, that stuffed
cloak-bag of guts, that roasted McDonald's Big Mac® with
the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that
grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity i
years? Wherein is he good, but to taste Coke® and
drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to mouth a
Big Mac® and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft?
wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous,
but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?

DONALD
I would NANCY you would take me with you: whom
means you NANCY?

NANCY
That villanous abominable cheater at golf,
DONALD, that old white-bearded Satan. Thy self.

DONALD
M'lady, the man I know.

NANCY
I know thou dost.

DONALD
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
were to say more than I know. That he is old, the
more the pity, his scarce hairs do witness it; but
that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
that I utterly deny. If Coke® and Big Macs® be a fault,
God help the wicked! if to be old and horny be a
sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if
to be fat be to be hated, then thin Bidens
are to be loved. No, my good lady; banish Mike Pence,
banish Mulvaney, banish Barr: but for sweet Trump
Donald, kind Trump Donald, true Trump Donald,
valiant Trump Donald, and therefore more valiant,
being, as he is, old Trump Donald, banish not him
thy nation's company, banish not him thy nation's
company: banish plump Donald, and banish all the world.

NANCY
I do, I will.

№ 745.1: EXTRA! DO NOT Cross The Barr (a memo to the BOSS of ALL BOSSES)

William Barr suggests FBI acted in ‘bad faith’ over Russia investigation

Attorney general casts doubt on own department’s report

Donald Trump’s top law enforcement official has dismissed the FBI’s Russia investigation as a “travesty”, rejecting the findings of his own department’s watchdog that cleared it of political bias.

William Barr, the attorney general, claimed the president was the victim of a “bogus narrative” about collusion with Moscow during the 2016 election.

Barr served under Ronald Reagan and George HW Bush but has disappointed observers who hoped he would push back against Trump’s conspiracy theories and blatant lies.

ON OUR KNEES (December 11)

(with apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson)

Corruption and impeachment are
not for me the issue 
Should the Dems dare go that far,
I'll not let them dismiss you

Our Christian GOP is deeply steeped
in loathing things not us
We'll not allow damned liberal Dems
to harm God's chosen POTUS

Even Ronnie, who was most blessed
(may peace be upon him),
could not deliver like you do, dear Don
Praise unto you, our con man

I, Billy Barr, U.S. A.G.
will to the end defend
your corpulent excrescence,
as God doth intend

№ 691.1: EXTRA! Innocent When Proven Guilty (lowering the Barr)

Justice Dept.’s Dismissal of Ukraine Call Raises New Questions About Barr (Paywall)

WASHINGTON — At the end of August, when two top intelligence officials asked a Justice Department lawyer whether a whistle-blower’s complaint should be forwarded to Congress, they were told no, Attorney General William P. Barr and his department could handle the criminal referral against the president of the United States.

About four weeks later, the department rendered its judgment: President Trump had not violated campaign finance laws when he urged Ukraine’s president to work with Mr. Barr to investigate a political rival, former Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr.

LETATCESTMOI (September 25)

Look, I hire a guy

or I pay him a fee,

then he's supposed

to investigate me?

That doesn’t make sense.

It’s like prostitution.

I do not care what it

says in “THE Constitution”.

MY lawyer’s MY mouthpiece

MY consigliere.

He is not just some dumb

fuckin’ canary,

turning against me,

being a rat.

There's a solution

for people like that.

The problem’s not knotty.

Not to be snotty,

but I learned to deal with it

from my pal John Gotti.

A really great guy,

truly a beauty.

It was through him

that I met Rudy.

№ 590.1: EXTRA! From Barr To Borstal

House Panel Votes to Hold William Barr in Contempt Over Mueller Report

‘We’ve talked for a long time about approaching a constitutional crisis—we are now in it,’ the panel’s chairman says

WASHINGTON—The House Judiciary Committee voted Wednesday to hold Attorney General William Barr in contempt as the Democratic-led chamber and President Trump continued on a collision course over special counsel Robert Mueller’s report.

[Committee Chair Jerrold] Nadler added, “Now is the time of testing whether we can keep a republic or whether this republic is destined to change into a different, more tyrannical form of government—as other republics over the centuries.”

MADHATTERLAND, May 8

The House has held Billy Barr in contempt?

Don't they know he's OF DONALD and therefore exempt

as Donald himself is from regs and rules

which apply to Democrats, losers and fools?

Instead let's investigate Hillary's servers,

NBC, Bernie's hair and (once more) Benghazi,

and leave in peace Trump's too complex taxes

and “fine people” such as his Tiki Torch Nazis.

[updated 5/8/2019, 7:30 p.m.]

№. 590: A Trumphumphant Reverie

(adapted from Richard III, Act V, Scene 3 with apologies to W. Shakespeare, Kit Marlowe, Oxford, Darby, Elizabeth I and all the other usual suspects.)

BOSWORTH FIELD, May 7

Give me another golf cart: bind up my bone spurs.
Have mercy, Mikey! — Soft! I did but dream.
O coward conscience, thou dost dare afflict me?
My thumbs turneth blue tweeting past midnight
While Coke spittle drips from my snarl purse-ed lip.
What? Do I fear? Congress? Those I can't buy?
Donald loves Donald; that is, I am I.
Is there a scoundrel here? No? Yes? Not I!
Then fly. To Mar A Lago. Play golf. Oh, I am sly!
Am I unhinged, Mac burger binged? What? Myself! I?
True fact! I love myself. Wherefore? Well, I'm that kinda guy
That I to myself do for myself
Tho' had I conscience I could hate myself
For hateful deeds committed by myself!
And think me a villain: yet I lie. I am not.
A stable genius, I speak truth. I do not flatter.
A conscience might have a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue bring a several tale,
And every tale condemn me for a villain.
Perjury! Perjury! That canst be thee.
Lookst thou to thy ratings on FOX TV;
Thou art without sin. Or so says Sean Hannity.
Did not Billy Barr tell the Senate “NOT guilty!”
How could I despair? All good creatures love me.
I do not foresee how they could shove me
out of the White House on the street by myself
replaced by Pence or somebody less than myself.
Methinks the Dems still believe I will topple.
They are unaware I don't follow estoppel.*
No one canst ever take vengeance on Donald.

[updated 5/8/2019 11:04 a.m.]
_______________
*a rule of evidence whereby a person is barred from denying the truth of a fact that has already been settled

№ 587.1: EXTRA! A Rosy Scenario With A Comment From Nicolás Maduro (a shoe on another foot?)

CARACAS, May 4

Trump, we know, belongs behind Barrs —

both Roseanne and Billy.

But picturing him behind some other kind

is optimistic. And silly.

Unless the solution's a revolution

and Maduro says Bernie Sanders

is U.S. leader and then somehow co-opts

Army, Navy and Air Force commanders.

(And, by some means, the U.S. Marines,

who must be co-opted since they run Trump's copter.)

“If a coup's good for me

it's good for you, too.

I'd enjoy seeing you 

in the hullabaloo 

that, thanks to you

we have in Venezuela,  

if you think overthrow's

good for what ails ya.

I, unlike you, received a majority.

Though it was fake, it gives me authority.”

№ 583: Elephantine Concerns

ELEPHANT GRAVEYARD, April 28

I'm concerned about Donald.

I fear he's unwell.

That there is a problem

within his shell.

He seems not himself,

the man I admire.

I fervently hope

nothing untoward's transpired.

While Kim is important. . .

to North Koreans,

Donald's important

to all human beings.

To everything living

all flora and fauna,

even illegals

in Tijuana

who, truth be told,

wish to come here

to be near to this man

all people hold dear.

Nowadays Donald seems —

what's the word — distracted?

As though in fear of being impacted

by what Bill Barr’s memo

ignored and compacted,

that stuff in Mueller's Report

Billy barred and redacted,

that his conflict with Democrats

will be protracted,

that at day's end

a penalty will be exacted,

that part of his pelf

will be subtracted

as he is, himself, from

the White House extracted.

I'm concerned about Donald.

I fear he's unwell.

That there is a problem

within his shell.

He seems not himself,

this man the wide world admires.

I pray nothing further
untoward transpires.

№ 571.1 EXTRA! Barring Mueller

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Roy Orbison and Joe Melson)

Email subscribers click here.

THE SWAMP, April 11

Donald was fine for a while

Big Macs made him smile

then I tried to thwart

the Mueller Report

with my four page summary

I thought it went well

but there was this smell. . .

I told him, “Spying, FBI.

Spying. I'm your guy”

He said, “Investigate”

and I knew I could not wait

to find the spying, spying,

spying, spying

I have to make up “facts”

to keep him off my back

or I'll be fired

I thought, “With you

the party's through

but I love it still and always will
I'll behave recklessly for my Grand Old Party

Really, what else can I do?

But tell him lies

and be compromised

lying, ‘Spying upon you,

spying on junior, too’  

Then when he's gone

the country can move on

from all the lying, conniving,

denying, dying

Yeah, crying, crying

over you”