№ 751: Nancy And Donald, Part I (shake fears and fruit may fall)

NO SPINACH IN POSITION (December 18)

NANCY
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

DONALD
'Sblood, m'lady, they are false: nay, I'll tickle
ye for a kitten, i' faith.

NANCY
Swearest thou, ungracious lump? henceforth ne'er look
on US. Thou art lyingly carried away from true:
there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an
old fat man; a tun of man is thy “companion”. Why
dost thou comport with that tweet of humours, that
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel
of dropsies, that huge bombard of Coke®, that stuffed
cloak-bag of guts, that roasted McDonald's Big Mac® with
the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that
grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity i
years? Wherein is he good, but to taste Coke® and
drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to mouth a
Big Mac® and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft?
wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous,
but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?

DONALD
I would NANCY you would take me with you: whom
means you NANCY?

NANCY
That villanous abominable cheater at golf,
DONALD, that old white-bearded Satan. Thy self.

DONALD
M'lady, the man I know.

NANCY
I know thou dost.

DONALD
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
were to say more than I know. That he is old, the
more the pity, his scarce hairs do witness it; but
that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
that I utterly deny. If Coke® and Big Macs® be a fault,
God help the wicked! if to be old and horny be a
sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if
to be fat be to be hated, then thin Bidens
are to be loved. No, my good lady; banish Mike Pence,
banish Mulvaney, banish Barr: but for sweet Trump
Donald, kind Trump Donald, true Trump Donald,
valiant Trump Donald, and therefore more valiant,
being, as he is, old Trump Donald, banish not him
thy nation's company, banish not him thy nation's
company: banish plump Donald, and banish all the world.

NANCY
I do, I will.

№ 708.1: EXTRA! An Embittered Tweet Untweeted

Power Up: Mulvaney's job hangs in balance after rough performances defending Trump

  (Paywall)

CNN's Kaitlan Collins, Dana Bash, Jim Acosta, and Gloria Borger first reported on Mulvaney's tenuous standing: “Top aides including Trump's son-in-law and adviser Jared Kushner were in the process of reaching out to at least two potential replacements for the top West Wing job” even before the House impeachment inquiry began.

WHYME (October 21)

This is gonna be tricky. . .
slippin' Mulvaney a Mickey. . .
goddamned “quid pro quo”
schmoe's gotta go. . .
I mean what the fuck
how did I get stuck
with another dodo,
Larry, Curly and Moe?

“Mick was a great guy
I liked him a lot.
He did great work.”

Okay, next jerk.

[updated 10/21/2019, 4:00 pm]

№ 706.1: EXTRA! EXTRA! Get Yer Fax Straight! EXTRA! EXTRA!

Mulvaney Says Holdup of Ukraine Aid Was Tied to Trump’s Demand for DNC Server (Paywall)

WASHINGTON—A top White House official for the first time linked President Trump’s decision to hold up aid to Ukraine to his desire for Kyiv to probe a Democratic National Committee server related to the 2016 election, then hours later issued a statement contradicting his own remarks.

The initial comments at a White House briefing by acting chief of staff Mick Mulvaney caused alarm among senior White House aides and the president’s legal team. Mr. Trump has repeatedly denied there was any quid pro quo related to the aid. Late Thursday afternoon, Mr. Mulvaney issued a statement, reviewed by Mr. Trump, reversing his remarks and saying there was no connection.

WHATISAIDWASNOTWHATISAID (October 17)

What part of absolute do you not understand?
What Donnie does is the law of the land.
God put him in office (we all agree)
so he could rule over us by decree.
If Congress and Courts do not go along. . .
well, let's just say, that won't be for long.
We do still insist this is a democracy.
You got a problem with this hypocrisy?
Were I in your place, I would not let that be known,
I would keep my head low and bow down to the throne.
Winner take all is how we play the game,
and you suckers lost. Ain't that a shame?

(And, please, gracious leader, do not have me shot
or say I'm a “great guy” and you “like me a lot”.
We know every time you utter those words,
the “great guy” gets gone. Just like the Kurds.)

For Republicans:

Email subscribers click here.

For Democrats:

Email subscribers click here.