№ 829: Jared (an appreciation)

THE BEAST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS (April 6) —

JARED IS a super hero.

He gave us Middle East peace.

Any ability he doesn't “own”,

you may be sure he can borrow or lease.

Remember how he solved infrastructure

and never dirtied his hands?

How he simplified government structure,

doing away with all legal demands?

Jared rules the Department of Justice,

though he is not a lawyer.

Jared can stick his nose anywhere

because he married the boss's daughter.

Jared fixed the NAFTA imbalance,

so now trade with Mexico's fair.

(Even though nothing much changed,

but, happily, Donnie remains unaware.)

Jared (totally) froze Christie out

of the administration

to which all America applauded as one

so show their appreciation.

Jared is in charge of THE WALL

and overall immigrant policy

even though — how can I put it? —-

his history is rather  George Wallacey.

Jared is, by far, Donnie's favorite.

After all, Ivanka's a girl.

To be fair, compared to Eric and Junior,

Jared seems like a pearl.

Jared will cure coronavirus.

This will assure that the Trump empire is

in perfect position for reelection.

(Ignoring US's Greatest Depression.)

Jared is brilliant, forthright, and brave.

What might he accomplish once he starts to shave?

№ 781.1: EXTRA! Blow Hard

Trump border wall between US and Mexico blows over in high winds
Steel panels being installed between Calexico and Mexicali are part of the US president’s attempt to enhance the border barrier


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A BETTER PLACE (January 30)

Mending Wall
BY ROBERT FROST
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
‘Stay where you are until our backs are turned!’
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
‘Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.’ I could say ‘Elves’ to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’

Bonus

№ 626: Worthless Thousand Words

Photo of Drowned Migrants Captures Pathos of Those Who Risk It All (Paywall)

The bodies of Óscar Alberto Martínez Ramírez and his 23-month-old daughter, Valeria, were found in the Rio Grande on Monday. Credit Julia Le Duc/Associated Press

IZEENUTING, US (June 26)

Pictures of children

dead on the border

should be unlawful,

they make us feel awful.

Why can't they die

back in the jungle

or in the slum

where they come from?

If I had my wall

thirty feet tall

you'd never have to

see them at all.

[updated 6/27/2019, 1:30 am]
—————————
Tip of the hat to N.I.S. for (sort of) suggesting this subject.

№ 602: Donald And Donald, Donald And Donald

Trump Walks Out on Pelosi, Schumer

President rules out infrastructure deal while investigations continue; lawmakers of both parties expect legislation to move ahead

WASHINGTON—President Trump said he wouldn’t work with Democrats while investigations of him continue and abruptly ended a meeting with the party’s leaders Wednesday, casting fresh doubt on a divided Washington’s ability to complete big-ticket legislation in the next 18 months.

TRUMPLAND, May 23

Everything I have ever done,
I have done on my own.
Clearly, I don't need anyone.
I'm taking my ball and going home.

When I was a babe, just a newborn,
I said, “Ma, leave me alone!
Filling my diapie is the best fun.
I'm taking my ball and going home!”

Later in school I made my own rules.
I knew what I was doin'.
If some teacher or kid did not like what I did,
I took my ball and went home.

Then as a teen, I might have been mean
due to testosterone.
When some little flirt would not lift her skirt,
I did it myself and went “home”.

I excelled at college sharing the knowledge
for which my big brain is known.
After four years impressing my “peers”,
I took my degree and went home.

There was a war which I found bor-ing!
but I had some spurs on a bone.
My daddy concocted a note with a doctor,
and the draft board told me, “Go home.”

In Manhattan, I built many businesses.
(Daddy Fred gave me a loan.)
I was god-awful — even unlawful —
and felt completely at home.

I did deals to get rich as a son of a bitch
and learned lotsa stuff off Roy Cohn,
who, by the way, taught me to say,
“Do it my way or go home.”

Speaking of Roy, I was not his goy-boy.
In those things he left me alone.
To this very day I say, “He wasn't gay.
And anyway, my balls were my own.”

With every wife, I married for life.
(Unless she turned into a crone.)
When they got old, I heard they were told,
“Mr. Trump is sending you home.”

I lived in a tower, had plenty of power. . .
but I wanted a throne.
Though hesitant, I became president
making the White House my home.

I do not fancy dealing with Nancy
and hate it when Chuck starts to drone.
And both of 'em stall on building my wall,
so I'm taking my ball. . .going home.

There will come the day my gravestone will say,
“He was not a John Gotti clone.
He caused a panic, being Satanic,
'til the devil welcomed him home.”

№ 551: A Letter To A Neighbor

Dear Mexico,

In the event you haven’t heard,

you’re presently bordering on the absurd

notion the nation directly next door

is building a wall from shore to shore,

from gulf to gulf to the Pacific,

which, in specific, is a horrific

waste of time and squandering of money

which you, doubtless, find exceedingly funny —

that this guy (Trump) has the pure gall

to say that you will pay for his wall.

As the rest of the world laughs off their asses,

this is the way America passes,

abandoning sanity and common sense

trumpeting Trumpian incompetence,

handing the future to the Chinese.

What can Mexico do in times such as these?

Breed your Chihuahuas with their Pekingese.

Truly yours,

the formerly great American state,
which, following England, became second rate

№ 542: The Unneeded Scheme

The walls fall: prototypes for Trump's southern border barrier come down

A worker passes a partially demolished border wall prototype during demolition at the border between Tijuana, Mexico, and San Diego on 27 February 2019. Photograph: Gregory Bull/AP

Demolition comes the same week that the House voted to block Trump’s national emergency declaration 

(with apologies to Joe Darion and Mitch Leigh)

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To build this unneeded dumb wall,
to screw all the people I know,
to never repay what I borrow,
see Vietnam where, when young,
I would not go.
To watch prostitutes piss in thongs,
to grab all the pussy I can,
to lie until all eyes glaze over,
to boff a famous porn star.
This is my quest.
You say, “You're bizarre.”
You say, “You're shameless,
you amateur tsar!
To incite the far right
to violate laws,
to drive the country
to hell
to hear NAZI applause.”
But I know
if I'll only be true
to this infamous quest
that no one
will note or catch on
when I try incest.
And I know I'll be
famous for this.
Forget porn.
Forget I'm Putin's moll.
Because U.S.
Congress lacks courage,
I will build my damned Mexico wall.

№ 532.1: EXTRA! Humpty-Trumpty

Humpty-Trumpty

says, “Build a wall”

Humpty-Trumpty

then has the gall

to tell his horses asses,

women and men,

“I made America

great once again.”

№ 532: EMERGENCY!

Email subscribers click here.

Trump to Sign Spending Deal, Declare National Emergency

Democrats are expected to challenge any efforts to move money around without congressional approval

THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

Don't give me your 

sanity counterinsurgency.
I am not Lilliputian
bound by the “rules”
of some “Constitution”.

I don't need Congress.

I don't need courts.

I am the founder

of TRUMP RESORTS!

(And I have many

CRIMINAL COHORTS

more than willing

to do as I bid

soon as I say

who to get rid of.

So long Jim Acosta,

FAKE NEWS impostor.)

If Dems dare try

to replace me,

then they get Pence!!!

Hence, I am free

to rule by decree.

People, 
follow MY law

down to the letter.

That'll show Vlad

who dictates better.

№ 531: Humpty-Trumpty (or Donald in wee tweet)

I (all by myself) could finish the wall 

and it would take no time at all.

But if I did, it would not be fair

and besides working might muss my hair.

I could supervise with my no nutzing smirk

and make illegals do the real work

that's what I do at Trump Resorts —

instead of pay, instant deports.

The wall will be built.

I swear by my spinach!

Unless someone tells me,

“Donald, you're finished!”

№ 525: SOTU In Situ

At least on this there is no debate:

the State Of The Union is in a state

unlike anything seen heretofore.

Yes, there was the Civil War

which you would think over and done.

(In the deep South, they think they won.)

Many whose grandparents heard people say,

“Go back where you came from. This is OUR USA!”

are now in the forefront of those who propose

telling Latinos “Via con Dios”

and sending them back to whatever fate

awaits in their native failed state.

This, they say makes America great.

Along with Trumpian alternate facts

and lowering billionaires income tax

destroying the land, the sea, the air.

If there's a profit, who the hell cares?

By supporting all his lies and distortions,

Trump's "Christian" followers support his abortions

of government policy for the environment

which their God set as a requirement

when he explicitly gave them “dominion”.

And that's in their Bible. It's not my opinion.

Trump mentioned his meeting with Dear Chairman Kim,

saying, “He'll lie to me and I will believe him.

He'll say he's scrapped every last missile.

I'll smile and think of Bob Mueller's dismissal

which forever will end the WITCH HUNTS.

I really do hate dealing with C-U-N-T-S!”

No lying Trump speech full of distortion

would be complete without decrying abortion.

Would GOP men still feel the same

if instead of ten seconds they played the nine month game?

There is one thing this speech revealed:

The State Of The Union should be repealed.

Since Trump can't tell the truth, no how, no way,

why force us to listen to what he has to say?

Finished (at last) with Trump's line of crap.

As they say in the movies: Well, that's a wrap.

№ 524: No Wall? ¡No hay problema! (how tweet it is)

3:15 A.M.
If Dems are two stupid too fund my wall,
we never will have safer boarders.
Immigration will be come-one-come-all
if Congress does not follow orders.

3:33 A.M.
Fortunately, a genuis like me
can quickly come up with a nifty Plan B.
Digging carnals both South and North
making us into an island henceforth —
like in Australia and (most of) U.K.
I sing Berder King: have it my way!

№ 517.1: EXTRA! No Comment (none necessary)

FOX “News”: Trump announces temporary end to partial government shutdown; vows to build wall despite no funding deal

Email subscribers click here.

№ 517: The Case Of The Mistweeted Vowel (from the Tweeter-in-chief)

Earnie Grafton/Reuters

Kirstjen Nielsen, the secretary of Homeland Security, visited a 

section of new border fencing in Calexico, Calif., in October. 

A slut wall on the border
is entirely in order.
And I would gaily
visit there daily
to pay my respect
inspect and select
a replacement for Melanie
who does not speak well of me.

№ 514: TCCN EXCLUSIVE: A Report From A White House Bathroom Mirror

EXCLUSIVE! BREAKING NEWS: Theatrical Cement Company News, Ink., the apparent company of The Daily Doggerel, has exclusively received the following exclusive from a White House bathroom mirror which requested anonymity for fear of being shattered. 

(with apologies to Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim)

Email subscribers click here.

I had a dream, a dream about you, Donnie.

It's gonna come true, Donnie.

I like your hairdo, and Donnie,

things are swell, news is FAKE!

We are making America quake!

Open lips, don't disclose.

Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.

Press and Dems are real jerks!

Mayhem for us always works.

Grab her hips. Muss her clothes.

Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.

Now's our inning. I think everyone's clear.

We're still winning as we were from the beginning!

No one can make us stop.

Because I'm the guy at the top.

We're still swell. We're still great.

I can tell. It's our fate.

Mueller doesn't even have a clue!

Donnie, everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

You can do it, all you need is a hand.

We can do it, Donnie is gonna see to it!

No one can make us stop.

Because I'm the guy who's on top.

I can tell, wait and see.

There's the bell! Follow me!

And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!

Donnie, everything's coming up towers and new hotels!

Everything's coming up Putin and Kim Jong Un!

Everything's gonna be Space Corps and border walls!

Everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

№ 506: Draw Your Own Collusion

Why does it hold so many in thrall

when “Tenderfoot” speaks off the cuff of a wall,

lying repeatedly, excreting slanders,

next day defended by Huckabee-Sanders?

It's not for his honesty. He cooks his books.

And no one would ever say it's for his looks.
He never was a Da Vinci paragon.

Had Leonardo drawn him he'd have

sworn off art thereupon. 

Trumpian Man A Picture Of Perfect Health      
 R.J. Matson 07-28-2017

№ 505: The Tenderfoot's Walls

Roman emperors were free to build walls,

as were emperors of China.

Khrushchev, though not an emperor at all,

built one causing NATO angina.

(No fan of NATO. Not me. Not I.

Nikita, I think, was my kind of guy —

you think I've a crush on

dictators Russian?)

So, no, this is no Twitter rant

And I can do it. Don't tell me I can’t.

I’ve oft answered questions,

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

Well, what I see here is

E-MER-GEN-CY.

Flashing lights, klaxons

call me to action.

I am your leader.

This is a crisis.

I want this wall

to scare away ISIS.

Building a wall

is nothing at all.

With my super powers,

I built Trump Towers.

I’d build it myself,

despite FAKE NEWS slurs.

But, sadly, I can’t.

Because of bone spurs.

Remind you of anyone? 
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№ 503: The First Commandment (KDV)

WSJ: Trump Considers Declaring National Emergency to Build Border Wall

President speaks at lengthy news conference after contentious talks on government shutdown with Democratic lawmakers

Later in his remarks, the president spoke of a possible lengthy shutdown and also floated the idea of bypassing Congress. “We can call a national emergency because of the security of our country,” he said, adding: “I may do it.”

Guardian: Trump confirms he said government shutdown could last months or years

President threatens to declare national emergency and build wall without congressional approval: ‘I can do it if I want’

I can do whatever I like,

for, as you know, I’m divine.

I can, if I wish, create Diet Coke

out of a bottle of wine.

I walk on water. I fly through the air.

I can grab pussy — I do not care

what anyone thinks at all.

As Mike Pence in my place would put it,

“By golly, I’m building a wall.”

Do not tell me,
“For pity sake,
people need paychecks.”

Let them eat cake.

№ 497: The Trump Waltz

(with apologies to Alec Wilder, Morty Palitz and Bill Engvick)

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Trump must build a wall

cuz he's mad

build it super tall

cuz he's sad

“None can refuse

greatness must last

we win they lose

there is no past”

Though it must be just

for today

like Ozymandias

you might say

So great the lies

no one's surprised

this is our demise

it's so sad

“None can refuse

greatness must last

we win they lose

there is no past”

Walls you know are just

for today
they're just made of dust

and of clay

So great his lies

no one's surprised

that the country dies

cuz he's mad

Ozymandias II | by Bill Sargent