№ 776: A Max Senate Comedy

LIGHT'S OUT (January 22)

The Senate assures us they’re fair and unbiased,

(as you’d expect for a body so pious),

sitting in judgment of this arrogant crook

at whom the House could have thrown more than one book.

Given his guilt is proudly admitted,

it should take no time to see him acquitted,

even if, push comes to shove,

Dems can convince him to try on the glove.

№ 751: Nancy And Donald, Part I (shake fears and fruit may fall)

NO SPINACH IN POSITION (December 18)

NANCY
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

DONALD
'Sblood, m'lady, they are false: nay, I'll tickle
ye for a kitten, i' faith.

NANCY
Swearest thou, ungracious lump? henceforth ne'er look
on US. Thou art lyingly carried away from true:
there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an
old fat man; a tun of man is thy “companion”. Why
dost thou comport with that tweet of humours, that
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel
of dropsies, that huge bombard of Coke®, that stuffed
cloak-bag of guts, that roasted McDonald's Big Mac® with
the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that
grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity i
years? Wherein is he good, but to taste Coke® and
drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to mouth a
Big Mac® and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft?
wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous,
but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?

DONALD
I would NANCY you would take me with you: whom
means you NANCY?

NANCY
That villanous abominable cheater at golf,
DONALD, that old white-bearded Satan. Thy self.

DONALD
M'lady, the man I know.

NANCY
I know thou dost.

DONALD
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
were to say more than I know. That he is old, the
more the pity, his scarce hairs do witness it; but
that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
that I utterly deny. If Coke® and Big Macs® be a fault,
God help the wicked! if to be old and horny be a
sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if
to be fat be to be hated, then thin Bidens
are to be loved. No, my good lady; banish Mike Pence,
banish Mulvaney, banish Barr: but for sweet Trump
Donald, kind Trump Donald, true Trump Donald,
valiant Trump Donald, and therefore more valiant,
being, as he is, old Trump Donald, banish not him
thy nation's company, banish not him thy nation's
company: banish plump Donald, and banish all the world.

NANCY
I do, I will.

№ 745.3: EXTRA! Why's Everybody Always Pickin' On Donnie?

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MALEFICENT  REGRESSION (December 11)

(with apologies to Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller)

Fe fe fi fi 
He's so dumb
He cannot walk
while he's chewing gum
Donnie Trump, Donnie Trump
What a chump, that Donnie Trump
He's gonna get caught 
(we hope — eventually)
“Why's everybody always pickin' on me?”

He lies and he cheats, 
that's that's how it is
Moscow prostitutes
he watches while they whiz*
Donnie Trump, Donnie Trump
What a chump, that Donnie Trump
He's gonna get caught
(we hope — eventually) 
“Why's everybody always pickin' on me?”

Who's always tweeting his defeats?
Who's always dampening his sheets?
Whose “berders” cause all those repeats?
Guess who? “Who, me?” Yeah, you!

Who COL-ludes with Putin?
Who bribes Ukraine?
Who's all obsessed  
with toilets and with rain?
Donnie Trump, Donnie Trump
What a chump, that Donnie Trump
He's gonna get caught 
(we hope — eventually) 
“Why's everybody always pickin' on me?”

Who COL-ludes with Putin?
Who bribes Ukraine?
Who's all obsessed  
with toilets and with rain?
Donnie Trump, Donnie Trump
What a chump, that Donnie Trump
He's gonna get caught 
(we hope — eventually) 
“Why's everybody always pickin' on me?”
————————
*allegedly

№ 744: Why Donnie Will Walk (a prediction)

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ACH DE TRUMP (December 9)

(with apologies to Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe)

I have often lied to my crowd before
Hired immigrants which I do not allow no more
Only God knows why I so love to lie
It's what I, Donald Trump, have to give

My lies cause Dems to cry and frown,
around the world my lies have won me great renown
My fol-low-ers a-dore what the Dems deplore
because what I, Donald Trump, have to give

And, oh, the cowering feeling
Dems feel whene'er I appear
The in-mouth souring feeling
when one by one their judges disappear

So what the House impeaches me?
McConnell and his Senate lack all honesty,
and, therefore, will my conviction kill
'cuz what I, Donald Trump, have to give

So what the House impeaches me?
MY GOP does not pretend to decency 
and the Senate will my conviction kill
'cuz what I, Donald Trump, have to give