№ 713: Inner Child

THE GOLD HOUSE (October 27)

Donnie do not do details. 

Donnie do not do facts.

Donnie do “hamberders”, Cokes.

Donnie do that to relax.

Donnie do not do exercise.

Donnie no exercise schmuck.

[Donnie do not do anything,
except Donnie cheats or Donnie sucks.]

Donnie not walk.

[Donnie waddle to Donnie golf cart.]

Donnie drink too many Cokes,

then (HA! HA!) Donnie fart.

Donnie rich, Donnie famous.

Donnie like color gold.

Donnie not mad. Donnie not sad.

Donnie not mind being old.

Donnie most sexy he-man.

Donnie draw women like moth

to a flame. [And never a dame

compare Donnie to sloth.]

Donnie not like Jeff Bezos.

[Jeff Bezos REAL billionaire.]

Donnie not like Elon Musk.

Donnie have better hair.

Donnie too good for country.

Donnie too good for world.

Donnie too good for whole universe.

[Donnie live in own world.]

Donnie never read Bible.

Donnie think Bible odd.

Donnie worship Donnie himself.

Donnie know Donnie God.

Donnie do not do spelchek.

Donnie no spelchek knot kule.

Donnie spel how Donnie feelz.

Donnie not liv buy ur rulz.

Nancy Pelosi. Mean, nasty lady.

Donnie do not know why,

Nancy Pelosi real mean to Donnie.

Allatime make Donnie cry.

Someday Donnie birthday big holiday.

Alla world say, “Donnie! Great guy!”

[Also someday, not far away,

Donnie win No Bell and alla pigs fly.]

№ 709: Donnie Want Piece Pries (wait'll next year)

 TCCN EXCLUSIVE 

THE GOLD HOUSE (October 21)

THEATRICAL CEMENT COMPANY NEWS (TCCN) has exclusively learned that announcement of the winner of 2019 Nobel Peace Prize was withheld from U.S. President Donald J. Trump until last evening. President Trump had considered himself the front runner. THEATRICAL CEMENT COMPANY is the parent company of THE DAILY DOGGEREL®.

The Norwegian Nobel Committee, made up of five members appointed by the Norwegian Parliament none of whom are registered Republicans, announced Ethiopian Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed Ali as the winner on October 11. 

According to TCCN's exclusive sources who have requested anonymity because she is not authorized or qualified to speak on such matters or much of anything else really, the president was for several days diverted from watching TV by Secret Service agents placing a number of “bright, shiny objects” throughout the White House and flashing laser beams on them. The First Lady also disclosed that the president was continually provided with extra-strength Diet Coke® during the crisis.

The news embargo was finally shattered when Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) assured Mr. Trump he'd be “a shoe-in next year”. The president, when done blubbering into his blankie, demanded he be told the whole story and was briefed by aides. Slowly.

According to TCCN's exclusive source, Mr. Trump, after being dissuaded by top military advisers from launching preemptive nuclear strikes on Norway and Ethiopia and being advised by in-house consigliere, Rudolph Giuliani, there was no one he could sue, sent a “beautiful” congratulatory letter to Mr. Abiy, closing with the admonition “Have a NICE life.”

The Wikipedia entry on Mr. Abiy states he 

is multilingual and speaks Afaan Oromo, Amharic, Tigrinya, and English. He is a fitness aficionado and professes that physical health goes hand in hand with mental health and, as such, he frequents physical and gym activities in Addis Ababa. Abiy is a devout Evangelical Pentecostal Christian of the Full Gospel Believers' Church.

The following tweet, since deleted, was Mr. Trump's only other response.

DONNIEDREAM (October 20)

How can it be with a brain of my size

I did not win the No Bell Peas Pries?

Really?
Some guy from some Africa shit hole
(whose way under me in every FOX poll)?

WHAT (excuse me!) THE FUCK is great about him?
He could never, had he the whim,

vaporize nations with nuclear power

and has not got his name on one fucking tower!

These pries-giving whoevers do not realize

what I might do if I don’t get a pries.
Really!? Obama AND the Daily Lama,
but nothing for me? That could cause trauma.

It'd be great during next year's campaign. . .
my name's announced. . .Dems go insane.
Meantime, jes' sayin', it would be shame
if Africa-guy hopped on a bad Boeing plane. . .

№ 339: #SwedesToo

Der Spiegel: Literature, Lust and Lies at the Swedish Academy

The Swedish Academy will not be awarding a Nobel prize in literature this year. And a closer look at the swamp of scandal in Stockholm raises doubts as to whether it can ever be rehabilitated.

Things are just fine — until they suddenly aren't anymore. Then, everyone turns around and looks back in amazement at the human destruction and shards of shattered dignity left behind. At the moral morass. And they wonder: How could we have believed that everything would turn out alright?

WARNING: Article contains detailed descriptions of male misbehavior. Reader caution is advised. (Really!)

It seems, regardless, of position or wealth

a male of our species can't help himself

from helping himself to a woman's anatomy

even at, sadly, the Swedish Academy

where a bunch of (still!) mostly older white guys

each year decides who gets Nobel Lit. Prize.

This suggests men can not comprehend an instruction

which makes a distinction betwixt force and seduction.

No. 281.1: EXTRA! FBI Spokesperson On Fake Trump Nobel Nom

President Trump was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize this year — but by an apparently fraudulent submission that the FBI has been asked to investigate.

–  Washington Times: FBI asked to probe forged Trump nomination for Nobel Peace Prize

Unfortunately, after receiving the document,

our forensic team went home with the flu.

Therefore, we can't say when we'll get on to it,

but we'll let you know when we do.

Okay, okay, our prelim take:

it's a shoddy, poorly-done, obvious fake.

But by who?
There is no smoking gun.

Under blue light we do see what might be

greasy smudges from hamburger buns.

But I will swear we did not find there

the least trace of a strand of long golden hair.