891: Donnie As Falstaff Playing Prince Hal (sort of)

BOAR’S HEAD TAVERN (July 1) —

“Peek-a-boo, I see you.”

That’s all this virus is.

If I close my eyes,

real, real tight,

the virus just disappears.

Eliminate tests, eliminate cases.

Eliminate masks covering faces.

Eliminate protests for “Black Lives Matter”.

Eliminate liberal MSDNC chatter.

*Bounty

Eliminate fake Russian Bounty reports.

Eliminate Democrat judges on courts.

Eliminate Nancy. Eliminate Chuck.

Eliminate Fauci and Birx. They both suck.

Eliminate foreigners crossing our borders.

Eliminate sons. (But keep the daughters.)

Eliminate late night TV “comedians”.

Eliminate wives not born Slovenian.

Eliminate Times, eliminate WaPo.

Eliminate all of the FAKE NEWS Gestapo.

Eliminate alphabets that don’t start with “T”,

but please, please, please, don’t eliminate me.

№ 772: Trump Is Just A Four Letter Word

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SLOUGH OF DESPOND (January 16)

(with apologies to Bob Dylan)

Seems as tho' the GOP lost its collective mind,
either that or they de-cid-ed, “better to be blind”
Donnie knows this con-stit-u’ncy
will ig-nore his lax mor-al-it-y
so long as his ev’ry ap-point-ee
en-for-ces their re-lig-i-os-ity 
no way 
of making Donnie ever go away

Outside of Dem-o-crats (some who might be worse),
no one an-y-where can free us of this curse
Of can-did-ates, there were — at least — a score,
al-most ev'ry one a bore
with whom Donnie’d mop the floor
as in des-per-a-tion, Dems search for 
some way 
of making Donnie somehow go away

Dem’s never know it’s time to go when their ammo's spent
Donnie’s crowd is “loud and proud” and they do not relent
They’ve got guns and the Dems have none 
come High Noon showdown Dems are done
So Dems sit back and sip some good Bordeaux
no point in fighting toe-to-toe
no way 
of somehow making Donnie go away

Though Nancy did her level best, impeachment can not work,
not with Mitch and GOP backing up the jerk
The high crimes and mis-de-mean-ors clause
is not enough to even give them pause
because they know Donnie knows no law
and if he did, they know that he’d ig-nore,
(no matter that the whole wide world de-plored)
anyone or anything he saw as moored 
in his way 
and to-tal-ly refuse to go away

Re-mem-ber how we were taught no one's above the law
A pretty thought that counts for naught as Donnie clearly saw
Now that Donnie's found Ar-tic-le II
there is no tell-ing what he’ll do
with his short attention span and shorter fuse
and his pred-i-lec-tion to ab-use
given the Su-preme Court’s skew-er-ed views, 
I’d say
there is no way that Donnie goes away

№ 756: Nancy And Donnie (a love duet) + 1 more

COMING DETRACTIONS (December 25)


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(with apologies to Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt)

NANCY: Well. . .
DONNIE: Well. . .
NANCY: Impeach.
DONNIE: Impeach?
NANCY: You're not beyond my reach.
DONNIE: You know what Mitch'll do.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: I say, “Screw you.”

NANCY Donnie?
DONNIE: Yes, “dear”?
NANCY: I have never seen a man. . .
DONNIE: A man?
NANCY: . . .so low.
DONNIE: That so?
NANCY: It's true. You're as low any man can go.
I have never seen a single man, I mean,
with zero moral sense.
DONNIE: If you want morals, you'll get Mike Pence.

NANCY: Impeach.
DONNIE: You screech.
NANCY: Chuck will put up a fight.
DONNIE: I've got my own Jews, too.
NANCY: Rot in hell.
DONNIE: The same to you.

NANCY: Donnie?
DONNIE: Yes, “dear”?
NANCY: Have you ever had a thought. . .
DONNIE: A thought?
NANCY: . . .that's pure?
DONNIE: I'm not sure.
NANCY: What a boor. Are you really rotten to the core?
Have you ever done a single thing, I mean,
not totally uncouth?
DONNIE: Well. . .I may have done so once. In my youth.

NANCY: Convict.
DONNIE: You're licked.
NANCY: Convict.
DONNIE: You're licked.
NANCY: The Senate will evict.
DONNIE: With Mitch there's not a chance.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: There's not a chance.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: Four more years.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: Go wet your pants. . .


           *    *    *      ¯\_{ºº}_/¯      *    *    *

TRUMPING AT WINDMILLS

THE SKY IS FALLING (December 25)

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(with apologies to Burton Lane and E. Y. Harburg)

I look into a perfect sky
and guess what catch-es my eye
it's enough to make me cry
a Goddamned wind turbine
that darkens my skies
those Goddamned wind turbines hurt my eyes

Germans and Chinks 
want you to think
they got a “handle”
“Clean energy”!
but believe me. . .
can't hold a candle
to good old clean coal

It's just a Chink conspiracy
aimed at killing birds you see,
but Xi, he can't fool a guy like me
You may think that I whine
that my mind's in decline
but Goddamned wind turbines hurt my eyes

Let me just say 
I'm not Xi's sap
“Green energy”!
Take it from me. . .
a load of crap

№ 754.1: EXTRA! From Rudy's Greatest “Hits”

Rudy Giuliani, a Catholic, says he is ‘more of a Jew’ than George Soros, who survived the Holocaust (Paywall)

Rudolph W. Giuliani, President Trump’s personal lawyer, claimed in an interview that he is “more of a Jew” than Hungarian-born philanthropist George Soros, who survived the Holocaust.

The comment came amid a larger, seemingly boundless interview with New York Magazine’s Olivia Nuzzi, in which Giuliani reportedly claimed, without evidence, that former U.S. ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch was “controlled” by Soros. He went on to call Soros, a Jewish billionaire and influential Democratic donor, an “enemy of Israel.”

“He put all four ambassadors there. And he’s employing the FBI agents,” Giuliani said, before continuing the conspiracy-theory-laden diatribe.

“Don’t tell me I’m anti-Semitic if I oppose him. Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of a Jew than Soros is,” said Giuliani, who is Roman Catholic. “I probably know more about — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t go to religion — synagogue. He doesn’t belong to a synagogue, he doesn’t support Israel, he’s an enemy of Israel. He’s elected eight anarchist DA’s in the United States.”

GONE SOUTH, SPECIFICALLY (December 24)

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(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

I expect everyone of the Dems to make fun
of my loud protestations of fake ev-i-dance
And they'll say I'm naïve as a babe to believe
any fable I hear from some Russian transplants

FOX-ily I'll face them and shout all their doubts away
Boldly I'll sing about Bidens in Kyiv
Endlessly I'll open my fat lying mouth and say
conspiracy is really a Democrat sort of a thing

I'm not ashamed to reveal
the unusually delusional illogical feelings I feel

I'm more Jewish than someone like Soros,
a prime example of pure Jewish joy
Though I claim to be de-vout RC,
I am not really a goy
Nor can they say I'm Mafiosi
unlike — excuse me! — Nan-cy Pel-osi
Though I don't speak Yiddish
I am not at all skittish
which proves I'm not a goy
I am vain and insane and I go to Ukraine
to ferret out “facts”
what kind of critic says antisemitic
that is how I relax
I'm more Jewish than someone like Soros,
(I sometimes wear dresses, but never play coy)
Though I claim to be de-vout RC,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not really a goy

I'm more Jewish than someone like Soros,
(I sometimes wear dresses, but never play coy)
Though I claim to be de-vout RC,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,

I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,

I am not really THAT goy

№ 751: Nancy And Donald, Part I (shake fears and fruit may fall)

NO SPINACH IN POSITION (December 18)

NANCY
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

DONALD
'Sblood, m'lady, they are false: nay, I'll tickle
ye for a kitten, i' faith.

NANCY
Swearest thou, ungracious lump? henceforth ne'er look
on US. Thou art lyingly carried away from true:
there is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an
old fat man; a tun of man is thy “companion”. Why
dost thou comport with that tweet of humours, that
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel
of dropsies, that huge bombard of Coke®, that stuffed
cloak-bag of guts, that roasted McDonald's Big Mac® with
the pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that
grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity i
years? Wherein is he good, but to taste Coke® and
drink it? wherein neat and cleanly, but to mouth a
Big Mac® and eat it? wherein cunning, but in craft?
wherein crafty, but in villany? wherein villanous,
but in all things? wherein worthy, but in nothing?

DONALD
I would NANCY you would take me with you: whom
means you NANCY?

NANCY
That villanous abominable cheater at golf,
DONALD, that old white-bearded Satan. Thy self.

DONALD
M'lady, the man I know.

NANCY
I know thou dost.

DONALD
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself,
were to say more than I know. That he is old, the
more the pity, his scarce hairs do witness it; but
that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster,
that I utterly deny. If Coke® and Big Macs® be a fault,
God help the wicked! if to be old and horny be a
sin, then many an old host that I know is damned: if
to be fat be to be hated, then thin Bidens
are to be loved. No, my good lady; banish Mike Pence,
banish Mulvaney, banish Barr: but for sweet Trump
Donald, kind Trump Donald, true Trump Donald,
valiant Trump Donald, and therefore more valiant,
being, as he is, old Trump Donald, banish not him
thy nation's company, banish not him thy nation's
company: banish plump Donald, and banish all the world.

NANCY
I do, I will.

№ 713: Inner Child

THE GOLD HOUSE (October 27)

Donnie do not do details. 

Donnie do not do facts.

Donnie do “hamberders”, Cokes.

Donnie do that to relax.

Donnie do not do exercise.

Donnie no exercise schmuck.

[Donnie do not do anything,
except Donnie cheats or Donnie sucks.]

Donnie not walk.

[Donnie waddle to Donnie golf cart.]

Donnie drink too many Cokes,

then (HA! HA!) Donnie fart.

Donnie rich, Donnie famous.

Donnie like color gold.

Donnie not mad. Donnie not sad.

Donnie not mind being old.

Donnie most sexy he-man.

Donnie draw women like moth

to a flame. [And never a dame

compare Donnie to sloth.]

Donnie not like Jeff Bezos.

[Jeff Bezos REAL billionaire.]

Donnie not like Elon Musk.

Donnie have better hair.

Donnie too good for country.

Donnie too good for world.

Donnie too good for whole universe.

[Donnie live in own world.]

Donnie never read Bible.

Donnie think Bible odd.

Donnie worship Donnie himself.

Donnie know Donnie God.

Donnie do not do spelchek.

Donnie no spelchek knot kule.

Donnie spel how Donnie feelz.

Donnie not liv buy ur rulz.

Nancy Pelosi. Mean, nasty lady.

Donnie do not know why,

Nancy Pelosi real mean to Donnie.

Allatime make Donnie cry.

Someday Donnie birthday big holiday.

Alla world say, “Donnie! Great guy!”

[Also someday, not far away,

Donnie win No Bell and alla pigs fly.]

№ 668: Trump's Waltz

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TRUTHBETOLD (August 25)

(with apologies to Jule Styne, Betty Comden and Adolph Green)

I'm the greatest villain of all time!
Who is Bluebeard?
(Nobody!)
Who is Nero?
(Nobody!)
Who is Jack the Ripper?
(Nobody!)
Ahahaha!
Who's the swine-iest swine in world?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Who's the dirtiest dog in this well-funded whirl?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Husband of Melanie. Father of brutes,
who will landfill for me anyone saying my hair isn't cute!
(It's cute!)
Ahahahah!
Who's the slimiest rat in the pack?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Who's unlovable?
(You!)
Who's unlivable?
(You!)
Whose existence is quite unforgivable?
(You!)
Who would seize little children 
and send them direct to the dump?
(Direct to the dump!)
Humpty Dumpty,
Donald Trump!

All mortals envy me. 
Yet better, perhaps, for Trump to have had less ambition. 
Oh fame, fame, thou glittering bauble.
In searching for thee, what fame have I not lost?
No little children love me. 
I'm told they play at Government and the strongest always chooses to be Nancy. 
They force the baby to be Trump.
The BABY! 
That's where the canker g-naws.
NO!
By Diet Coca-Cola!
NO!
Who's the swine-iest?
(Swine-iest!)
The doggiest?
(Doggiest!)
The slimiest?
(Slimiest!)
Who's the creepiest creep in the world?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Who's dispensable?
(You!)
Reprehensible?
(You!)
Who's behavior is quite indefensible?
(You!)
Who's the crawlingest, cruelest, crummiest, plump-iest schlump?
(Plump-iest schlump!
What a prize what a joy!)
Mother Trump's obscene nasty boy.
(The scourge of DC!)
Just happens to be 
DARN old
Trump! Trump!
Trump Trump
Trump Trump
Trump Trump
Trump Trump
So low!

danielboris.blogspot.com

№ 602: Donald And Donald, Donald And Donald

Trump Walks Out on Pelosi, Schumer

President rules out infrastructure deal while investigations continue; lawmakers of both parties expect legislation to move ahead

WASHINGTON—President Trump said he wouldn’t work with Democrats while investigations of him continue and abruptly ended a meeting with the party’s leaders Wednesday, casting fresh doubt on a divided Washington’s ability to complete big-ticket legislation in the next 18 months.

TRUMPLAND, May 23

Everything I have ever done,
I have done on my own.
Clearly, I don't need anyone.
I'm taking my ball and going home.

When I was a babe, just a newborn,
I said, “Ma, leave me alone!
Filling my diapie is the best fun.
I'm taking my ball and going home!”

Later in school I made my own rules.
I knew what I was doin'.
If some teacher or kid did not like what I did,
I took my ball and went home.

Then as a teen, I might have been mean
due to testosterone.
When some little flirt would not lift her skirt,
I did it myself and went “home”.

I excelled at college sharing the knowledge
for which my big brain is known.
After four years impressing my “peers”,
I took my degree and went home.

There was a war which I found bor-ing!
but I had some spurs on a bone.
My daddy concocted a note with a doctor,
and the draft board told me, “Go home.”

In Manhattan, I built many businesses.
(Daddy Fred gave me a loan.)
I was god-awful — even unlawful —
and felt completely at home.

I did deals to get rich as a son of a bitch
and learned lotsa stuff off Roy Cohn,
who, by the way, taught me to say,
“Do it my way or go home.”

Speaking of Roy, I was not his goy-boy.
In those things he left me alone.
To this very day I say, “He wasn't gay.
And anyway, my balls were my own.”

With every wife, I married for life.
(Unless she turned into a crone.)
When they got old, I heard they were told,
“Mr. Trump is sending you home.”

I lived in a tower, had plenty of power. . .
but I wanted a throne.
Though hesitant, I became president
making the White House my home.

I do not fancy dealing with Nancy
and hate it when Chuck starts to drone.
And both of 'em stall on building my wall,
so I'm taking my ball. . .going home.

There will come the day my gravestone will say,
“He was not a John Gotti clone.
He caused a panic, being Satanic,
'til the devil welcomed him home.”

№ 499: Donald's New Year Resolutions

In with old

out with the new

suppress the many

play to the few

insist down is up

say the left's never right

tell Nancy and Chuck

“Go fly a kite”

restock the cabinet

with toady yes men

send Legos to border

so Mexicans can

build plastic walls

along Rio Grande

praise be to Kim

kisses for Vlad

tell all our allies

“Me-think-you-bad”

criticize media

call them all fake

excepting FOX

eat chocolate cake

ramble and bluster

tweet lots of lies

play lots of golf

watch out for spies

in the White House

check corners and nooks

last thing you need

more insider books

misbehave always

cause lots of strife

and if there's time

shop for new wife

№ 498: Trump Taunts Nancy Pelosi

(with apologies to George and Ira Gershwin)

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Impeach me, just try it Nancy, just do

Impeach me, you'll find it too hard to do

Just one tweet from me

My nutso fans will descend

As I wink and smile they'll

Turn DC on its end

They love all the many louts about me

Above all, they quash all doubts about me

Though I'm a naughty baby

They'll defend me if you stage a coup

I'll win then I'll impeach you