№ 831: Concession à la Sanders

GOING NOWHERE IN VERMONT (APRIL 8) —

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№ 811: A Long, Long While From March To November

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(with apologies to Jule Stein and Sammy Cahn)

APOCOLAPSE (March 11) —

Stock market behavior is frightful

and Donnie sure is spiteful

and since we’ve eight months to go . . .

I dunno, I dunno, I dunno

The virus don’t seem like stopping

and Boeing’s plans are flopping

and Bernie ain't gonna go . . .

I dunno, I dunno, I dunno

When November at last arrives,

and everything runs true-to-form,

all of those who survive

can vote to return to the “norm”

If the planet is really dying

and life on Earth's expiring . . .

it ain't necessarily so . . .

I dunno, I dunno, I dunno

When November at last arrives,

and everything runs true-to-form,

all of those who survive

can vote to return to the “norm”

If the planet is truly dying,

forget regrets, no crying

It just had to happen, so . . .

let it go, let it go, let it go

№ 810: Aweficial GOP Response To The (Any?) Crisis

AND SEW IT GOES (March 10) —

The damned Sanders'-nasties think it is funny,

but poor millionaires are losing money.

Their shares have dropped.

This must be stopped.

We will give millionaires a juicy tax cut

to offset this unfortunate punch in the gut

to our richest, our smartest, our finest, our best  —

and, yes, we do do this at their behest.

(We rely on the virus to deal with the rest.)

For rich folk to suffer is cruel and unfair.

We must end/defund ALL medical care.

If that proves insufficient, for added surety,

we shall repeal so-called “social security”.

Now before you start saying, “Son of a bitch”,

note this IS socialism. It's just for the rich.

№ 806: Bernie's Lame Ent

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(with apologies to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards)

THE MORNING AFTER (March 4) — 
How can the country be a-scared of me?
I am just a naive Vermontee
who cannot be tamed
I say we should blame
the one-percent
and my accent
Goddamn, Soopah Toosday,
you were s’posed to seal my victory
Damn it, Soopah Toosday,
why you wanna hurt me?
Goddamn, Soopah Toosday,
you were s’posed to seal my victory
Damn it, Soopah Toosday,
why you gotta me?
You know that's not how it’s s’posed to be.

№ 804: Bernie Sanders Chipmunk Song

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(with apologies to Ross Bagdasarian Sr. (David Seville))

IMAGINE (March 1) —
Soopa Toosday time is here
Second tier has disappeared
Those remaining should get lost
I will win it all becoss
I say “Medicare For All“
means a landslide in the Fall
Donald Trump I will castrate
when I’m the candidate
—————————
The Chipmunk Song courtesy of Skill Express Karaoke

№ 801: Way To Go (NOT!)

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(with apologies to Meredith Wilson)

END OF THE LINE (February 26) — 

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

let me say it once again

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

is the man on whom we can depend

if Dems decide political immolation

will stop GOP destroying the nation

I can say without a moment of hesitation

Bernie’s just THE MAN
to fulfill the plan

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

not Bloomberg,
Klobuchar,
Buttigieg,
nor Liz,
nor Joe,

but Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
a total schmo

№ 797: A Proclamation (from GOP patriarchy)

SHINING CITY OF THE HILL (February 20) —

God is straight, white, male, and Christian.

How could he be otherwise?

Pressed, we'll admit he started out Jewish

AND and hung around with Jewish straight guys

into his thirties. AND never married.

AND never actually worked.

He was a carpenter. NOT in the union.

Unions are strictly for shirkers.
And socialists. Like Sanders.
Who is also a Jew.

But Bernie is not THE SECOND COMING.

He, in our view, is more “# 2”.

№ 791: Crook V. Schnook

PLEASE NO (February 12)

If Republicans picked Trump’s ideal opponent,

it would certainly be Bernie Sanders

who is — far and away! — the most loathed by voters

to whom — today! — the GOP panders:

a wooly-thinking Socialist schlump

(who even supporters see as a grump)

who'll guarantee GOP won't sit on their rump

but get out and vote and reelect Trump.

№ 789.1: EXTRA! Iowa And New Hampshire

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CONCORD AND HARMONY (February 11)


(with apologies Stephen Stills)

Clueless, but “caring”, 

the Democrats caucused in I-o-wa,

(for Dems not where IT is at)

Foolishly asking white, midwest, fake farmers

to jump start their bound-to-lose tick-it

Only to trip on their lousy tech guys.

Quickly unrav’ling,

recounting and cav’lling o-ver

which loser won the vote.

Heedlessly heading toward Trump’s reelection

and making their chances more remote
because
HELLO!

there was no person

in the run-ning

who, come November,

Trump would not smother.

On to New Hampshire, a nearly as bad state for liberals,

(and everybody else),

where just because it is next to his “home” state, 

Bernie, likely, would do well.
No joking.
HELLO!

There is no person

on the ballot

who, come November,

Trump will not smother.

№ 774: Sanders Of Time

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BERNIEWORLD (January 20)

(with apologies to Alexander Borodin, Robert Wright, and George Forrest)

So I'm old
let's be clear
I'm the candidate Trump must fear, you know
So I'm old, it's Bernie Sanders' time, 
good old Bernie Sanders' time, you know

I am wise
as you know, I constantly tell you so
I am wise,
I am old Bernie Sanders-wise
so old Bernie Sanders-wise, it's so

Women run,
but they can't
beat Donald Trump, I can
Sanders can
Only Sanders can

№ 569: In Hospice Pity Tally

REALITY, April 8

If you think about it
it isn't preposterous
for you to conclude
the Earth is a hospice.
All life, all species,
of course, are ephemeral,
to try to deny it
is mental Demerol.
Believe if you must
in God we trust,
don't make a fuss,
we're essentially dust
from which we come
to which we'll go,
that is the game
goodbye, hello.

This hospice, however,
is poorly run.
(I assume that's not
news to anyone.)
Lacking in comfort,
lacking in calm,
chock-full of things
causing us harm,
indifferent as to
whether we're well.
You know what it is?
It's a hospice from hell.
A hospice designed
essentially
by Donald Trump
and his GOP
with the intent
to put in your head
this is so awful
you'd be better dead
rather than here
with hapless bystanders
who are so distressed
they'd elect Bernie Sanders
which is not a solution
in times like these
all it would be
is different disease.

№ 331: The Blightests And The Beasts

The thing that sets Dunning-Krugers apart:

the mistaken conviction that they're “very smart”.

If they ever heard of them they would disparage

the studies that show they are below average.

Can you say “Punch”? Can you say “Judy”?

Can you say “Trump”? Can you say “Rudy”?

When I think Dunning-Kruger those two of a kind

spring to mind

along with Sanders' “Socialists” and Rand's “Libertarians”.

(Mom said I tended contrarian.)

No. 292: A Miscellany: Donald, Bernie, Mitch & Paul

L'état, c'est moi 

I, Donald

As emperor, I, of course, refute

any and all attempts to dispute

my view of the world.

Where's my new suit?

Bernie's Backstory

To join in the fight for civil rights,

Bernie moved to Vermont, a state almost all white.

And not just in winter, it must be noted —

all year round when the ground is not snow-coated.

Was it fresh mountain air that lured him there,

the soothing cool breezes through his Einsteiny hair?

Was he unable to resist

being Vermont's pioneer Socialist?

The American public remains unsold.

Bernie must like being out in the cold.

Paul & Mitch

If Paul and Mitch ever come to their senses

drop their defenses, join the consensus,

remember to ask this ding-dong duo,

“What took you so long to see through the cuckoo?”

No. CLXVIII: The Week In Rear View

Private flights: nice.

But there's a price.

Price was wrong.

And so...so long.

Monday, September 25

No.CLXIII: A Trump Letter To Kim

I propose one Korea with you in charge

with gas SUV's in every garage.

No.CLXIII.ii: EXTRA! Graham-Cassidy GOP Score

billions and trillions
that would be wasted
keeping lower
(and middle)
class riff-raff alive

Tuesday, September 26

No.CLXIV: NFL Today

anyone silently “taking a knee”
is taking too great a liberty

Wednesday, September 27
No. CLXV.i: EXTRA!: 1984 (Again)
There is no tellin'
just how Orwellian
Resident Lump is gonna act.

Thursday, September 28
No. CLXVI: Memo To Bernie, Rand, et. al.For reasons unfathomable,
things are as they are.

Friday, September 29
No. CLXVII: Gimme That (VERY) Ol' Time Religion
the multiple gods
our ancestors so long agreed on

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Save the Children

Team Rubicon

UNICEF

Unidos por Puerto Rico

No. CLXVI: Memo To Bernie, Rand, et. al.

Sometimes believers get mad at their God

when she does not do as they wish.

Atheists, also, get mad at theirs.

(Because she doesn't exist.)

It is universal to wish things were “better”

and blame and complain 'cuz they ain't

but dreaming of “better”, I've got to say,

is something I find rather quaint.

When you strive to improve circumstances,

attempt to reverse the adverse,

most of the time, despite your intentions,

you succeed in making things worse.

For reasons unfathomable,

things are as they are.

The fault, my dear Brutuses,

IS in our stars.

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Please contribute to Puerto Rico hurricane relief.

ConPRmetidos

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Team Rubicon

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Unidos por Puerto Rico

No. CXLVIX: Unsummery News Summary (Before The Fall)

Let's get real face the fact in the present:
Trump's nothing more than a nouveau riche peasant
who with his wealth from undisclosed sources
wants to chop down our cherry orchard.
His taste is atrocious —
garish, gilded and gaudy.
In pursuing sex
he's always been naughty.
He insists his steak be grilled overdone.
He does not drink wine. He is not much fun.
Nixon resigned.
Fate spared us Ted Kennedy.
But with this guy
there is no remedy.
Now...I do not want to make any fuss,
but this man's just a tad too dangerous.
Korea, trade winds, immigration...problems aplenty...
in foresight our hindsight might not see 2020.
Curious, no,
how history meanders?
What's next in store?
Please not Bernie Sanders.