914: Large Graft Warming

DENIAL NATIONAL PARK (August 3) —

The only reason they’re having this hurricane

is to make me look bad.

There’ll be lotsa wind, there’ll be lotsa rain.

Waste of effort. Pathetic. Totally SAD.

My people — wonderful folks — know I am not to blame

for anything bad that ever happens. And they know I am sane.

America’s number one stable genius. The smartest guy in the room.

Who has no need for facts and figures. Or Fauci and Birx presumed doom and gloom.

Who will never panic over some fake pandemic.

(Which is fading, so laugh it off.)

Who will never acknowledge racism’s systemic

and may even ask O. J. to come play some golf.

Who is not afraid of fake climate “science”.

(Global warming’s a Chinese-made myth.)

Who eschews clean air and water compliance.

Who always gets what he wants forthwith.

№ 675.1: EXTRA Maps To The Future

President Trump showed a doctored hurricane chart. Was it to cover up for ‘Alabama’ Twitter flub? (Paywall)

Trump had erroneously stated that Hurricane Dorian threatened Alabama.

Altering official government weather forecasts isn’t just a cause for concern — it’s illegal. Per 18 U.S. Code 2074, which addresses false weather reports, “Whoever knowingly issues or publishes any counterfeit weather forecast or warning of weather conditions falsely representing such forecast or warning to have been issued or published by the Weather Bureau, United States Signal Service, or other branch of the Government service, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than ninety days, or both.”

DELUSION, DC (August 4)

If I say Alabama's on a Dorian's path,
it has to be true — you do the math.
I am PRESIDENT or the UNTIDY STATES.
(In addition to which, I'm really great.)
If anyone fakes a U.S. weather map. . .
they go to jail for that kind of crap.
BUTT I AM TRUMP, DONALD: 
ALL STAND IN AWE!
What I say or do, THAT IS the law.

№ 673.1: EXTRA! Bigger Is Gooder

‘I’m not sure I've even heard of a category 5’ says Donald Trump about Hurricane Dorian – video 

During a briefing on the category 5 Hurricane Dorian sweeping across the Bahamas and toward the US coast, Donald Trump said: ‘All we know is that it's possibly the biggest. I'm not sure I've even heard of a category 5, I knew it existed. And I've seen some category 4s. I don't even think I've heard the term other than I know it it's there and it's the ultimate and that's what we have unfortunately.’ Trump has said the same thing – that he has never heard of category 5 hurricanes – at least four times over the last two years, including as recently as May.

DUNNING-KRUGER (September 2)Q

I never heard of a Cat 5 hurricane,

but I know higher is better.

In school the losers settled for “A's”.

I always got “F's” — a much better letter.

These days I get praise for whatever I do.

Everyone waves at me shouting “F you!”

№ 426.2: EXTRA! A Very Stable Genius? (hold your horses)

New York Pest: Trump mocked for puzzling statistic on flooding in Carolinas

One the eve of his trip to the Carolinas to survey the damage from Hurricane Florence, President Trump appeared in a video in which he described the storm as “one of the wettest we've ever seen from the standpoint of water.”

Rain wet.

Snow cold.

Diet Coke.

Hair gold.

Me Donald.

You Jane.

You listen.

Me 'splain.

Jeff Sessions

stick craw.

Me like

Kavanaugh

know how

have fun

grab grope

run run.

Stormy Daniels.

Very meanest

Say I have

funny penis.

Me win

victory!

Why people

mean to me?

Unfair.

Don't care.

I have

great hair.

No. CLII: Four Forlorn Four-liners

The national psyche
took a lump dump
with the election
of Donald Trump

Doomsday preppers,
given to brood,
would hate to waste
expiring canned food

Hurricanes, droughts
give rise to doubts
if "In God We Trust"
benefits us

If West Coast expires
in forest fires
it does not matter
if Trump retires

No. CXLVIX: Unsummery News Summary (Before The Fall)

Let's get real face the fact in the present:
Trump's nothing more than a nouveau riche peasant
who with his wealth from undisclosed sources
wants to chop down our cherry orchard.
His taste is atrocious —
garish, gilded and gaudy.
In pursuing sex
he's always been naughty.
He insists his steak be grilled overdone.
He does not drink wine. He is not much fun.
Nixon resigned.
Fate spared us Ted Kennedy.
But with this guy
there is no remedy.
Now...I do not want to make any fuss,
but this man's just a tad too dangerous.
Korea, trade winds, immigration...problems aplenty...
in foresight our hindsight might not see 2020.
Curious, no,
how history meanders?
What's next in store?
Please not Bernie Sanders.