№ 846: Twump Tweets — Wate Nite Smacks, Elmer Fudding While Wome Burns

Trump v Fox News: why the president is furious at the conservative network
The president attacked Fox News and accused it of being ‘fed Democratic talking points’ – possibly over to a string of anti-Trump ads due to run on the network

Trump did not give a specific reason for his upset, but it could be linked to a critical advert a group of anti-Trump Republicans are running on Fox News this week. Republicans for the Rule of Law, a group opposed to the president, paid for an ad spot during Fox & Friends – one of Trump’s favorite shows – which highlights his response to the coronavirus.

“50,000 people have died,” reads capitalized text at the start of the advert.

“This is our president.”

THE IMPERIAL PALACE (April 29) —

Has no one noticed this virus conspiracy?

This hoax, in fact, is merely a theory.

A plot, a ploy, a “dump Trump” attempt

which, like “Darwin”, I hold in contempt.

It's clear to me this is depravity.

Next thing you know, Dems will claim “gravity”

explains we’ve fallen into a chasm.

Does no one hear, get my sarcasm?

It is “SO SAD” FOX has forgotten,

either they praise me or ratings are rotten.

Once loyal reporters have gotten slipshod.

I AM A FIERCE AND JEALOUS GOD.

A god whom they with good reason fear.

Were I MBS, they might . . . . disappear.

№ 808: The Prince And The Pissant

Saudi Arabia releases images of King Salman after purge of royals
Monarch seen carrying out duties as speculation mounts over crown prince’s succession

Saudi Arabia has released images of King Salman carrying out his royal duties after a purge of at least three princes including his brother and nephew for allegedly plotting a coup.

Saudi royal guards carried out the arrests on Friday in a move that signals Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s tightening grip on power.

Prince Ahmed bin Abdul Aziz, a brother of King Salman, and the monarch’s nephew Prince Mohammed bin Nayef were detained after they were accused of plotting a palace coup aimed at unseating the crown prince, heir to the Saudi throne, sources said.

Prince Nayef’s younger brother, Prince Nawaf bin Nayef, was also detained, they said.

GREATLEADERLAND (March 8) —

I gotta confess: I love MBS.

Everyone says, “He’s a prince!”

When in his presence — the effervescence —

is bound to quickly convince you

this is a man who has a plan,

a vision, if I may say so,

and any who dare to get in his way

had best take care lest they 
show up dead or get arrested

for having tested his patience,

when, instead of losing their head,

they could have bowed in obeisance.

Crown Prince MBS — that's “M” for Mohammed

(may his name ever be praised) —
is a good friend, always happy to lend
me a hand (or cash) and never delays
returning my calls, though he's got the balls
to do whatever he pleases.
Four wives at a time. (Plus concubines. I'm
ever so jealous.) Sweet Jesus!
That he is my pal makes me so glad.
I love him more than Kim, Xi, or Vlad.

№ 786: A Very Stable Genius Contemplates Next Steps

IMPERIAL PALACE (February 5)

Everyone knows I am so germaphobic,

I don’t ever breathe when near the Potomac,

an Indian river which unlike Liz Warren

has “native” blood — by which I mean foreign,

not North European like you and like me and

not Latin or Asian or even Korean

like dear leader Kim, my nuclear friend,

and Putin and Bibi (he-manly men

like me and President Xi)

and the Turkish guy whose name I forget

and Bolsonaro and the Philippine whosis

and my murdering Prince, MBS,

who Jarred assures me can do Middle East peace

if the price is right and Bibi’s convinced

before he’s convicted, jailed and evicted

from whatever they call their White House.

AND Boris Johnson — Johnson! lovin’ that name —

who’s a bigger liar than I am . . .

My phone call was “perfect”,

no smoking gun, no quid pro quo, 

and as you know Bolton’s a jerk,

an Obama guy who should be locked up

whoever appointed him is bigly corrupt.

And so it's admitted, I am acquitted.

It's finally attested. And now I can have

late night “comics” arrested.

Cancel election.
I am perfection.
(Time for new wife?)

I am forever.
I am for life.

№ 478: Donald Defends MBS

If you think MBS
is a reprobate*,

you don't know
New York/New Jersey
real estate.

Jared and I,

we can relate.

However, others

are hard to convince
it's in U.S. interest
to stick with the Prince

and refrain from denouncing
murdering journalists.

Or his killing dozens, scores,
TEN THOUSAND† civilians.

(Most of them Yemeni women and children.)

With made-in-America expensive munitions.

No disputation.
MBS is good for our nation.

And, did I mention

that in due course

together we'll build
Persian Gulf courses?
With these resources —

Trump brand, Saudi money —

in sandy Riyadh,
it'll be sunny.

(Until, that is,
the revolution
when Saudis apply
their Wahhabi solution
and we re-ally
with our old pal Iran
to contain
our Saudi friends'
Islamist plan.

And so it goes.
Keeps us on our toes.)

_________________

*ARCHAIC•CHRISTIAN THEOLOGY (especially in Calvinism) a sinner who is not of the elect and is predestined to damnation.
†gross underestimate

№ 470: Trump On The News Of The Day, November 20, 2018 (and not)

WSJ: Trump Stands With Saudi Arabia, Plays Down Crown Prince’s Alleged Role in Journalist’s Killing

The president says, ‘maybe he did and maybe he didn’t!’

WSJ: House Democrats to Investigate Ivanka Trump’s Email Use

The House Oversight Committee will probe her use of a private email account to conduct official government business, the panel’s senior Democrat said

WSJ: Saudi Arabia Accused of Torturing Women Activists in Widening Crackdown on Dissent

Women’s-rights activists lashed and given electric shocks in prison; at least one tried to commit suicide

NYT: Trump Wanted to Order Justice Dept. to Prosecute Comey and Clinton (paywall)

NPR: President Trump Pardons 2 Thanksgiving Turkeys*

It makes me so sad 

how that guy met his fate.

Did Jared's pal order it?

It's a debate.

Who to believe?

Who is to say?

His Royal Highness

or @failedCIA?

Anyway, seems to me,
at end of day,
he was asking for it
when he got in the way.

He was fake news,
this Islamist.
Jeff Bozos' Amazon's
opinion impostor.
WaPo's Arab terrorist.

The Muslim Brotherhood's

own Jim Acosta.

I am “sad” he's dead,
but I look ahead
to weapon sales
and important details
of my cunning plan
to mess with Iran
with Saudi proxy.
Goddamn, I'm foxy!

       *  *  *

Rethinking Hillary's

email private server:

problem is in

eye of observer.

Ivanka did same thing

but I, as her Dad,

just gotta tell you

her's wasn't bad.

When she is bad

she gets a spanking

the thought of which. . .

____ ___ __ _______.

[Write your own last line. “Knocking off” early for Thanksgiving here at The Dog. 

Happy Holiday Merry XMAS?]

_________________
*not Don Jr. and Eric

№ 464: No Rhymes For A Reason (perverse and free)

Guardian: Crown Prince’s wings clipped as Khashoggi death rattles Riyadh

“He’d seen Abu Ghraib, renditions, death penalties, and he felt comforted by Trump. He could not understand why this was happening to him.”

* * *

“Sure, that's what I mean,” Doc Daneeka said. “A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.”

Yossarian knew what he meant.

“That's not what I meant,” Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.

― Joseph Heller, Catch 22

To: Jared@whitehouse.gov
From: MBS@MBS.MBS
Subject: WTF!

Yo bro,

You come into my house 
on the day my daughter 
is to be married  
complaining I did a murder?

Kid-ding! 
I'm thirty-three. 
My daughter — 
if I have a daughter — 
is too young 
to marry off 
to my brother's son. 

We're waiting 

till they're ten. 

Can't start 

planning succession 
too early.
Know what I mean? 

Great flick, 
Godfather. 
So many life lessons. 
You kiss my “ring”, 
I kiss yours? 
Know what I mean?

But seriously, Jarhead — 
you don't mind 
I call you Jarhead?

Okay, okay, USMC 
might have a problem. 
Pussy 🐱 like you 
called by their nickname. . .

But what's the deal here? 
I off a news guy —
a friggin' news guy! — 
and everyone gets upset? 
You're upset. 
The big guy. . .
Really big. 239? 
That's a joke, right? 
I mean, 239? 
He dresses like me  maybe —
MAYBE! — 
he pulls it off. 
But a polo shirt? 
(Great game, polo. 
You play?) 
Come on. 
(If he wants some thawbs, 
I can get him a deal. 
Better than this Amazon shit. 
Headgear different from KKK, 
but otherwise. . .
And, man, 
does it does hide the pounds.) 
He's upset? 
Putin poisons people 
and that's okay 
but I cut off Khashoggi's head  
there's hell to pay? 

You guys never complained 
about women and kids 
I bomb the shit out of in Yemen. 
You maybe would be happier if 
I used U.S. Steel to cut heads 
like I use U.S. bombs? 
Besides, we strangled 
the sonofabitch first, 
fer crissake. 
PBUH. 
(Sorry. 
Forgot. 
Jesus is not your guy. 
No joke, you all look alike. 
No kike, you all joke alike? 
Sorry, dude.😊) 

Help me out here. 
I need the rule book. 
I thought we had this thing, 
you and me.
I am so disappointed.☹☹
Know what I mean?

WHAT PART OF 
“ABSOLUTE FUCKING MONARCHY” 
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? 
We ain't no girlie 
Mafia Joisey construction crew 
like maybe you're used to.

Is it because I'm an A-rab? 
That's racist, man.
Love to Ivanka. 
Know what I mean?😜

Best,
MBS (PBUM)

№ 456.1: EXTRA! From the Crown Prince's Secret Diary

WaPo: Saudi crown prince described slain journalist as a dangerous Islamist in call with White House (Paywall)

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman described slain journalist Jamal Khashoggi as a dangerous Islamist days after his disappearance in a phone call with President Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner and national security adviser John Bolton, according to people familiar with the discussion.

Soon as I’m done with the phone call to Jared,

I’ll go online and buy stuff from Harrods.

Something that’s nice, something that’s choice

something to go with another Rolls Royce.

I think it’ll be an interesting twist:

calling Khashoggi an Islamist.

Though his murder was, I think now, a mistake,

Jared is always so easy to fake.

Unlike my dad, who in his senility,

is starting to question my culpability.

He asked just now, and it made me wince,

“Who the hell taught you to act like a prince?”

“I said a hundred times —  or was it once? —

I need a Royal Prince, not a Royal Dunce!

Why can't you be more like that nice boy Jared?

Sometimes Oy vish vas ha Joo Oy had married!”