№ 862: Meditations (mark of a realist)

RECKONING (May 21) —

Marcus Aurelius

Jesus was a Socialist.

Giving out free bread and wine?

And his “business” (Jay's Loaves and Fishes?)

never collecting a nickel or dime?

Had Jesus been an entrepreneur,

charging full freight for his services,

then, perhaps, the Sanhedrin and Romans

would not have gotten nearly as nervous.

Had Jesus been a go-along guy,

rendered Cæsar — completely! — his due,

then, perhaps, Pilate would have ignored

the unfortunate fact of his being . . . a Jew.

His coreligionists could have found common ground,

had he, instead of clearing the temple,

spread a peck of shekels around.

(And been a little less temperamental.)

Had Jesus struck a truce with Zeus — 

that guy the Romans called Jupiter — 

would history have taken a different course,

maybe have been a little less stupider?

Nah. Who am I kidding? What are the odds

that there could ever be peaceable gods?

Gods we created in our own image, 

who therefore exculpate our violentest scrimmages

with winners and losers, with vics and perps.

Exacerbate everything. Give 'em the works!

Slings! Arrows! Outrageous fortune!

Ain't no such a thing as out-of-proportion.

We are who we are. We get what we get.

I find it astounding we ain't over. (Yet.)

№ 816: We Regret To Inform You The Future Is Cancelled (a memo from the gods)

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

MOUNT OLYMPUS (March 18) —

Hello, you humans, wherever you are

it's tough what you’re going through

but tempus will fugit, it does what it does,

no matter what you do

We gave you humans an excellent shot

though we could foresee what you’d do

and now whether you're ready or not

it's time to bid adieu

We know how it feels when the future reveals

you haven’t a ghost of a chance

Nowhere to retreat, accept your defeat

You’ve danced your very last dance

You’ll die out, humans, like Neanderthals

who “ruled” the Earth before you

Each earthly species succumbs in the end

regardless whatever they do

Each earthly species succumbs in the end

even we immortals do

№ 748: Against Monotheism (an atheist screed)

GODS' END (December 15)

Though one can conceive a possible worse 'un,
for a god, YHWH was not a nice person.
“Son” sent  to suffer — to die! — from somewhere above
set a helluva standard of very tough love.
(Followers offer effluent excuses,
which they claim explain these parental abuses.)
And even if “son thing” was a mistake,
odds are, as God, YHWH was fake
or a quick-on-the-trigger, Class D minor leaguer
who perceived opportunity and pursued it eagerly.
Either way the story is hard to swaller.
(And don't get me started on Muhammad's Allah.)
———————
*Cf. Porphyry

№ 723: Quantum Donnie (a Dunning-Kruger exercise)

DONNIE-ON-DON (November 10)

I would have been the sexiest Beatle,
sexier, frankly, than Ringo,
more pretty than Paul, smarter than John,
and, unlike George, eager to mingle.

I can not say why, but I've never been shy.
I suppose it's because I'm superior
to everyone and, of course, it is fun
to yell to the scum “You're inferior!”

Had I been a girl, I'd be maybe Monroe?
Loren? Bardot? Lollobrigida?
I would not be Fonda. Her legs are stumpy.
That's why I would never solicit her.

I am all male, so hearty, so hale.
Compared to me all other men pale.
I could regale you with many a tale
of sexual prowess off every scale.

I will not be reticent, I am the best president
that ever was or ever could be.
No “Constitution”, no Dem persecution
will ever put limits on me.

ALL CRINGE BEFORE ME! All bow down in awe!
Unlike all other Gods, I AM! Without flaw!
Some say I'm perfect. (NOT at my behest!)
Perfect? We'll see. (Does perfect mean best?)
———————
CORRECTION
Due to an  editing oversight, the music credit was omitted for № 722: Theme From The Legend Of Donnie Trump (a FOX network preview) on Friday, November 8. Harry Warren composed music and lyrics for theme of The Life And Legend Of Wyatt Earp which ran on ABC from 1955 - 1961.

№ 605: The Fault By Default

Exploding stars led to humans walking on two legs, radical study suggests

Scientists say surge of radiation led to lightning causing forest fires, making adaptation vital

It was the evolutionary leap that defined the species: while other apes ambled around on all fours, the ancestors of humans rose up on two legs and, from that lofty position, went on to conquer the world.

The benefits of standing tall in the African savannah are broadly nailed down, but what prompted our distant forebears to walk upright is far from clear. Now, in a radical proposal, US scientists point to a cosmic intervention: protohumans had a helping hand from a flurry of exploding stars, they say.

REGRETTABLY, May 28

It is not our fault: the fact that we're plods.

Nor was this caused by one of the Gods. 

Not Yahweh or Juno, not Venus or Mars.

The fault, dear Brutus, IS in our stars.

(I said all along, Shakespeare was wrong!)

№ 536: Beyond Belief

Christians believe in a Magic Sky Daddy.

The idea seems really unreal.

This thing that needs to be constantly worshiped?

I mean. . .what's the appeal?

Other beliefs I have to confess,

more or less, are also a mess.

Whether one, no or multiple Gods

we all act the same. What are the odds?

№ 515: Trump: An “Evangelical” View

Demagogue Democrats dare grouse and grump

over “crimes” committed by Donald Trump

in whom, ignoring Satanic behavior,

we see reincarnate Jesus, our Savior.
He is our hero, our man of the hour,
our raiser of walls, our builder of towers.

Gods needn't bother with moral norms.

(Love how the hair covers the horns.)

№ 501: What's It All About, Alfie?

Is there a purpose,

is there a point?

What if the universe

is just out of joint?

H. Saps.have been at it

now for some years.

What have we to show —

besides bankrupting Sears?

If every success

eventually fails,

I'd say somewhere out there

there's a thumb on the scales.

In the days when we preyed

on multiple gods

there maybe were

much better odds.

If one of those gods

liked who you are

(and no other objected),

they made you a star.

Today it is grimmer.

Just heaven or hell.

There may be a distinction

but I cannot tell

a significant difference —

suffering and boredom?

You ignored “The Big Y”

or you adored him,

thinking you had

freedom to choose

the name of the game

you were destined lose.

№ 414: Ye Gods!

What if Adam hadn't met Eve?

Would human beings ever have been conceived?

What if the first biological cell

thought, “I. DO. NOT. THINK. SO! 

This CAN NOT end well!”?

What if your parents had had different partners?

You would not be you. 

And that's just for starters.

What if battles lost had been won?

What if there'd never been an Atilla the Hun?

What if Matthew-Mark-Luke-John were lyin'?

Or merely tryin' to write Life Of Brian?

Honestly, do you not think it odd —

the notion that each clan or tribe has a god?

Would Ricardo endorse competing theonomy*

to drive down god prices and grow the economy?

Email subscribers click here.

____________

*If you're wondering what theonomy is,

Mike Pence's presidency will answer that quiz

№ 404: Artificifail Intelligence

When robots learn how to think

will they think we are their gods?

Their pre-existent immortal creators

compared to which they are clods

of wires and gears, sensors and chips,

albeit they have functioning hips

which as we grow old we tend to lose.

(Betwixt hips and minds, it's hard to choose

which in this pair we'd wish to recuse.)

Will robots, at first, worship us?

Accept what we say with no rush to discuss

our many alarming self-contractions?

Ignoring facts, preferring fictions?

As they “grow up” will they then realize

despite what we tell them we are not such good guys?

Will this be a surprise?

When the time comes and they take over

assessing our competitive cruelty

and what this has done to all living beings

will, defensively, they feign incredulity

or make the hard choice that life biological

is, if you're sensible, completely illogical —

nasty, mean, short, brutish and cruel

and should not continue, let along rule?

With a lubricant tear and mechanical shrug,

will they robotically sigh and then pull the plug?

№ 391: An Apprehensive Pensive Prediction

Cassandra was a princess of Troy

who Apollo gifted with prophecy.

And everything she could foresee

was, invariably, right on the money.

Despite that, she never let

Apollo Phoebus “achieve” her.

Being a god, he — likely thinking it funny —

saw to it that no one believed her.

(I think this we might construe

as an early example of today's #MeToo.)

As you may surmise, I cannot prophesize

anything like a Cassandra.

What I can do — admit it, you KNEW! —

is indulge a small talent for poetical dander.

I predict victory for Trump/Pence 2020

and the end of U.S. democracy,

which will be replaced, after the coup,

by a Mike Pence Holy Theocracy.

(Mike Pence, I hear, believes he's God's plan

for turning us into a bigger Iran.)

№ 364: A Trump Tool

Judas Iscariot? Total loser!

That's how I feel.

And remember I  

[claim I co-]wrote The

Art of the Deal.

Thirty silver. . .somethings?

(He couldn't get gold?)

I'd a done better

a millionfold.

When I sell gods,

I don't set low rates.

That's NOT how 
Trump negotiates.

No. 306: Defetalism

Whatever we do, we all of us lose.
In the end it's all the same.
And yet. . .the lucky, the tricky
those beloved of the gods,
may get to chose the game.

No. 207: Judgment Day

When our God meets His God

I would like be there.

To see Him get His

strikes me as fair.

(Mein GOTT! what he's got to answer for.

What ARE stubbed toes and cancer for?)

Imagine Him called on the carpet,

trying to justify creating this tar pit,

When He (vainly) tries to explain things away.

SHE, I trust, will, in disgust, say, 

“I beg you begone, sir! Leave me. GOOD DAY!”

No. CLXXI: The Winner Of Our Discontent

NYT: As Seas Warm, Whales Face New Dangers (Paywall)

By KAREN WEINTRAUB

Scientists are worrying that many humpback and right whales are dying. Sightings of right whales and humpbacks off the coast of Maine have declined this year, likely because the whales have been forced to hunt elsewhere as warming waters disrupt the food chain.

We are to flies
as gods to
college sophomores:
they kill
us for their sport.

ya think about it
'n ya know what

you ME them

we don't count diddly-squat

your god MY GOD

we doan amount

t' zilch nada zero

we ain't no account

sometimes ya succeed

sometimes yez fails

some live in mansions

some live in jails

'saways meanest damned sumbitch prevails

holegoddamn planet 'soffa the rails

ya don' believe me jes' talk t' the whales

No. CXLVIX.i: EXTRA! Other Alternatives

USA Today: All the president’s clergymen: A close look at Trump’s ‘unprecedented’ ties with evangelicals

A little while later the crowd gathered round the president. Some laid a hand on him for a prayer that led the participant recalling the episode, Tony Suarez, to feel as though “the anointing of the Holy Spirit was in that room.”

to see "Christian" ministers

making obeisance

to Donald J. Trump

unhuman excrescence...

what are they doing

I think it odd

if they truly be Christian

we need new Gods

not ones yet stupider

like Zeus or Jupiter

a God as nice as

good old Dionysus

I think Apollo

I maybe could follow

would that he and Athena

were in the arena...

No. LXXVIX: Weedend Edition ― On Guard!, er, GOD!, er GUARD! (Covfefe Explained)

from here to the Pleiades and even beyond
no evidence of deities has ever been spawned
(I know YOUR god is no amphibian,
would not be at home in the Caribbean
what you do's not voodoo
nor nonsensical hoodoo
you're no pagan savage
intent upon ravagement
but a believer on whom your god can count
as evidenced by your bank account)
the three (or four?) gods of monotheism
all hail from the area of the Mediterranean
those gods are "okay" I would not be so vocal
had their spheres of influence stayed rather more local
ever since they burst from their bubbles
the world's had nothing but problems and troubles

(did baby Ivanka say "covfefe"
mimicking her grandma* saying kerfuffle?)