№ 808: The Prince And The Pissant

Saudi Arabia releases images of King Salman after purge of royals
Monarch seen carrying out duties as speculation mounts over crown prince’s succession

Saudi Arabia has released images of King Salman carrying out his royal duties after a purge of at least three princes including his brother and nephew for allegedly plotting a coup.

Saudi royal guards carried out the arrests on Friday in a move that signals Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s tightening grip on power.

Prince Ahmed bin Abdul Aziz, a brother of King Salman, and the monarch’s nephew Prince Mohammed bin Nayef were detained after they were accused of plotting a palace coup aimed at unseating the crown prince, heir to the Saudi throne, sources said.

Prince Nayef’s younger brother, Prince Nawaf bin Nayef, was also detained, they said.

GREATLEADERLAND (March 8) —

I gotta confess: I love MBS.

Everyone says, “He’s a prince!”

When in his presence — the effervescence —

is bound to quickly convince you

this is a man who has a plan,

a vision, if I may say so,

and any who dare to get in his way

had best take care lest they 
show up dead or get arrested

for having tested his patience,

when, instead of losing their head,

they could have bowed in obeisance.

Crown Prince MBS — that's “M” for Mohammed

(may his name ever be praised) —
is a good friend, always happy to lend
me a hand (or cash) and never delays
returning my calls, though he's got the balls
to do whatever he pleases.
Four wives at a time. (Plus concubines. I'm
ever so jealous.) Sweet Jesus!
That he is my pal makes me so glad.
I love him more than Kim, Xi, or Vlad.

№ 689.1: EXTRA! It Takes One Two No One

Robert O'Brien attended ‘routinely racist’ university in apartheid South Africa

Donald Trump’s new national security adviser studied at the segregated University of the Orange Free State

South Africa at the time was considered a pariah state and faced wide-ranging academic, sporting and cultural boycotts, backed by the UN. The US imposed sanctions in 1986, after Congress pushed through the Comprehensive Anti-Apartheid Act, overriding a veto by Ronald Reagan.

YOUGOTTAPROBLEMWITHSOMETHIN (September 24)

So what my guy supports apartheid?

It's not like he's some kind of Muslim.

(I don't mind good ones who murder journalists,

I mean like the terrorist hoodlums

who cheered from their roof when TWIN TOWERS collapsed.

I remember! That's proof! You've “forgotten”, perhaps?)

And he's not Hispanic. So what's the panic?

O'BRIEN is not Gonzales.

He's pure European like you and like me,

is not that sufficient solace.

I would if I could but sadly I can't

resurrect and appoint the late, great George Wallace.

№ 495: White House Christmas Mourning (a TCC News EXCLUSIVE!)

Donnie knew he was good. (Despite what he did.)

Down where it counted, deep in his soul.

So he was happy on Christmas Day

to find in his stocking a large lump of coal

delivered by Santa in his diesel pickup

with eight tiny reindeer, field-dressed and trussed up.

Donnie imagined the only thing cooler:

instead of reindeer, Khashoggi'd Bob Mueller.

№ 478: Donald Defends MBS

If you think MBS
is a reprobate*,

you don't know
New York/New Jersey
real estate.

Jared and I,

we can relate.

However, others

are hard to convince
it's in U.S. interest
to stick with the Prince

and refrain from denouncing
murdering journalists.

Or his killing dozens, scores,
TEN THOUSAND† civilians.

(Most of them Yemeni women and children.)

With made-in-America expensive munitions.

No disputation.
MBS is good for our nation.

And, did I mention

that in due course

together we'll build
Persian Gulf courses?
With these resources —

Trump brand, Saudi money —

in sandy Riyadh,
it'll be sunny.

(Until, that is,
the revolution
when Saudis apply
their Wahhabi solution
and we re-ally
with our old pal Iran
to contain
our Saudi friends'
Islamist plan.

And so it goes.
Keeps us on our toes.)

_________________

*ARCHAIC•CHRISTIAN THEOLOGY (especially in Calvinism) a sinner who is not of the elect and is predestined to damnation.
†gross underestimate

№ 470: Trump On The News Of The Day, November 20, 2018 (and not)

WSJ: Trump Stands With Saudi Arabia, Plays Down Crown Prince’s Alleged Role in Journalist’s Killing

The president says, ‘maybe he did and maybe he didn’t!’

WSJ: House Democrats to Investigate Ivanka Trump’s Email Use

The House Oversight Committee will probe her use of a private email account to conduct official government business, the panel’s senior Democrat said

WSJ: Saudi Arabia Accused of Torturing Women Activists in Widening Crackdown on Dissent

Women’s-rights activists lashed and given electric shocks in prison; at least one tried to commit suicide

NYT: Trump Wanted to Order Justice Dept. to Prosecute Comey and Clinton (paywall)

NPR: President Trump Pardons 2 Thanksgiving Turkeys*

It makes me so sad 

how that guy met his fate.

Did Jared's pal order it?

It's a debate.

Who to believe?

Who is to say?

His Royal Highness

or @failedCIA?

Anyway, seems to me,
at end of day,
he was asking for it
when he got in the way.

He was fake news,
this Islamist.
Jeff Bozos' Amazon's
opinion impostor.
WaPo's Arab terrorist.

The Muslim Brotherhood's

own Jim Acosta.

I am “sad” he's dead,
but I look ahead
to weapon sales
and important details
of my cunning plan
to mess with Iran
with Saudi proxy.
Goddamn, I'm foxy!

       *  *  *

Rethinking Hillary's

email private server:

problem is in

eye of observer.

Ivanka did same thing

but I, as her Dad,

just gotta tell you

her's wasn't bad.

When she is bad

she gets a spanking

the thought of which. . .

____ ___ __ _______.

[Write your own last line. “Knocking off” early for Thanksgiving here at The Dog. 

Happy Holiday Merry XMAS?]

_________________
*not Don Jr. and Eric

№ 464: No Rhymes For A Reason (perverse and free)

Guardian: Crown Prince’s wings clipped as Khashoggi death rattles Riyadh

“He’d seen Abu Ghraib, renditions, death penalties, and he felt comforted by Trump. He could not understand why this was happening to him.”

* * *

“Sure, that's what I mean,” Doc Daneeka said. “A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.”

Yossarian knew what he meant.

“That's not what I meant,” Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.

― Joseph Heller, Catch 22

To: Jared@whitehouse.gov
From: MBS@MBS.MBS
Subject: WTF!

Yo bro,

You come into my house 
on the day my daughter 
is to be married  
complaining I did a murder?

Kid-ding! 
I'm thirty-three. 
My daughter — 
if I have a daughter — 
is too young 
to marry off 
to my brother's son. 

We're waiting 

till they're ten. 

Can't start 

planning succession 
too early.
Know what I mean? 

Great flick, 
Godfather. 
So many life lessons. 
You kiss my “ring”, 
I kiss yours? 
Know what I mean?

But seriously, Jarhead — 
you don't mind 
I call you Jarhead?

Okay, okay, USMC 
might have a problem. 
Pussy 🐱 like you 
called by their nickname. . .

But what's the deal here? 
I off a news guy —
a friggin' news guy! — 
and everyone gets upset? 
You're upset. 
The big guy. . .
Really big. 239? 
That's a joke, right? 
I mean, 239? 
He dresses like me  maybe —
MAYBE! — 
he pulls it off. 
But a polo shirt? 
(Great game, polo. 
You play?) 
Come on. 
(If he wants some thawbs, 
I can get him a deal. 
Better than this Amazon shit. 
Headgear different from KKK, 
but otherwise. . .
And, man, 
does it does hide the pounds.) 
He's upset? 
Putin poisons people 
and that's okay 
but I cut off Khashoggi's head  
there's hell to pay? 

You guys never complained 
about women and kids 
I bomb the shit out of in Yemen. 
You maybe would be happier if 
I used U.S. Steel to cut heads 
like I use U.S. bombs? 
Besides, we strangled 
the sonofabitch first, 
fer crissake. 
PBUH. 
(Sorry. 
Forgot. 
Jesus is not your guy. 
No joke, you all look alike. 
No kike, you all joke alike? 
Sorry, dude.😊) 

Help me out here. 
I need the rule book. 
I thought we had this thing, 
you and me.
I am so disappointed.☹☹
Know what I mean?

WHAT PART OF 
“ABSOLUTE FUCKING MONARCHY” 
DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? 
We ain't no girlie 
Mafia Joisey construction crew 
like maybe you're used to.

Is it because I'm an A-rab? 
That's racist, man.
Love to Ivanka. 
Know what I mean?😜

Best,
MBS (PBUM)

№ 456.1: EXTRA! From the Crown Prince's Secret Diary

WaPo: Saudi crown prince described slain journalist as a dangerous Islamist in call with White House (Paywall)

Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman described slain journalist Jamal Khashoggi as a dangerous Islamist days after his disappearance in a phone call with President Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner and national security adviser John Bolton, according to people familiar with the discussion.

Soon as I’m done with the phone call to Jared,

I’ll go online and buy stuff from Harrods.

Something that’s nice, something that’s choice

something to go with another Rolls Royce.

I think it’ll be an interesting twist:

calling Khashoggi an Islamist.

Though his murder was, I think now, a mistake,

Jared is always so easy to fake.

Unlike my dad, who in his senility,

is starting to question my culpability.

He asked just now, and it made me wince,

“Who the hell taught you to act like a prince?”

“I said a hundred times —  or was it once? —

I need a Royal Prince, not a Royal Dunce!

Why can't you be more like that nice boy Jared?

Sometimes Oy vish vas ha Joo Oy had married!”

№ 447.1: EXTRA! Saudi Offalcial Statement

TCCN EXCLUSIVE!

RIYADH (rhymes with jihad) — Saudis Release Final Statement Following Plebiscite On Death Of Jamal Khashoggi

As a most loyal subject,

Jamal, it is said,

just up and died

coz we wanted him dead.

All those in favor, say, “Aye”.

Those opposed. . .

should, we suggest,

get their heads diagnosed

and act like sheep

if those heads they would keep.

We herewith promise enough oil to pump

to get this accepted by President Trump.

(How many F-35's must we buy

before having to teach our women to fly?)

№ 447: The Ultimate Boys Club Oath

We Princes, Presidents, Kings, Emperors, Tsars,

Grand Rabbis (or Imams), Popes, Commissars,

all of us rule by the will of the Gods

who allow endowment of killing squads

for dealing with those who do not agree

that everything, everywhere comes down to me.

№ 446.1: EXTRA! Exit The Fox

FOX Business News: FOX Business Network cancels participation in Saudi Conference

This “Desert Davos” is looking deserted.

But to be “balanced and fair”:

it's not that we think killing's perverted. . .

we just “don't want to go there”.

It's such a snooze — the absence of booze.

It gives us pause — the absence of whores.
Rupert's convinced it's wrong to wince
at Jared's and Donald's STILL favorite prince.

Although we've enjoyed being close to throne,

we really don't want to be there alone

with His Royal Highness and staff in a room

with guards at the doors anytime soon.

We would prefer to stay home in bed

than have to consider losing our head.

№ 445.1: EXTRA! Program Guide CSI Istanbul: Murder In The Procedural

WSJ: Turkey Details Alleged Killing of Saudi Journalist

Updated Oct. 16, 2018 11:20 p.m. ET

ISTANBUL—Saudi operatives beat, drugged, killed and dismembered a dissident Saudi journalist in the presence of the kingdom’s top diplomat in Istanbul, Turkish officials said Tuesday, as Washington urged Riyadh to provide answers.

President Trump cautioned that Saudi Arabia should be considered innocent until proven guilty.

Jamal Khashoggi is Thomas Becket

and Mohammad bin Salman is Henry II.

History repeats according to Marx,

first it's a tragedy, then it's a farce.

(I'm not complaining, it's sooo entertaining.)

Perhaps by tomorrow we will know at least

the Arabic for “this turbulent priest”.

At the end of the play as Shakespeare said,

the world's a stage, nothing signifies and you are dead.