Showing posts with label Xi. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Xi. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

№ 870: Chicxulub II (local impact)

WORLD'S END (June 2) —
On Wall Street today, the DOW advanced
despite the meteor that destroyed France,
the low countries, Denmark, and Germany,
somewhat disrupting the EU economy.
Sweden and Switzerland said that, as neutrals,
it was their wish to do something useful.
And in the Kremlin, Putin smiled ruefully
saying that Russia would always act “fruitfully”.
In China, Xi said, quoting Mao,
“Europe never mattered that much anyhow.”
The rest of East Asia offered advice
on how many survivors could subsist on rice.
Bangladesh, India, and Pakistan
proposed a joint camel aid caravan.
No one in Africa, from north to south,
paid any heed because of the drought.
In Latin America there were revolutions
but no halt to deforesting or to pollution.
In the Mid East there was a brief pause,
then they went back to their forever wars.
Canadians offered their “deepest sympathy”
and asked what the Queen would take with her tea.
The rest of the world could not care or bother,
concerned with the stuff they do to each other. 

While in DC, Trump remained aloof,
arms crossed, frowning, demanding proof,
tweeting, “I think it is all just a plot
to make me look bad.” (He says that a lot.)

Monday, March 9, 2020

№ 808: The Prince And The Pissant

Saudi Arabia releases images of King Salman after purge of royals
Monarch seen carrying out duties as speculation mounts over crown prince’s succession

Saudi Arabia has released images of King Salman carrying out his royal duties after a purge of at least three princes including his brother and nephew for allegedly plotting a coup.

Saudi royal guards carried out the arrests on Friday in a move that signals Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman’s tightening grip on power.

Prince Ahmed bin Abdul Aziz, a brother of King Salman, and the monarch’s nephew Prince Mohammed bin Nayef were detained after they were accused of plotting a palace coup aimed at unseating the crown prince, heir to the Saudi throne, sources said.

Prince Nayef’s younger brother, Prince Nawaf bin Nayef, was also detained, they said.

GREATLEADERLAND (March 8)
I gotta confess: I love MBS.
Everyone says, “He’s a prince!”
When in his presence — the effervescence —
is bound to quickly convince you
this is a man who has a plan,
a vision, if I may say so,
and any who dare to get in his way
had best take care lest they 
show up dead or get arrested
for having tested his patience,
when, instead of losing their head,
they could have bowed in obeisance.
Crown Prince MBS that's M for Mohammed
(may his name ever be praised)
is a good friend, always happy to lend
me a hand (or cash) and never delays
returning my calls, though he's got the balls
to do whatever he pleases.
Four wives at a time. (Plus concubines. I'm
ever so jealous.) Sweet Jesus!
That he is my pal makes me so glad.
I love him more than Kim, Xi, or Vlad.


Tuesday, February 25, 2020

№ 799: Our (New) Gang Comedy

Putin as Russia’s supreme leader? A constitutional rewrite brings out some ‘crazy’ ideas. (Paywall)

How about declaring Putin Russia’s “Supreme Leader”? . . . Perhaps it’s time to work in wording to protect the purity of the Russian language, or elevate Russia’s “civilized identity” or preserve its “cultural patrimony”?

There are calls, backed by Putin, to rule out same sex-marriage and LGBT parental rights in the constitution.


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(with apologies to Lee Adams an music by Charles Strouse)

NO KIDDING (February 25) —
DONNIE
One thing
one little thing
one thing you should know
you must know
I say so
DONNIE, VLAD, XI, KIM, VIKTOR, RODRIGO, RECEP,
NICOLAS, BORIS, BIBI, AND THE EVER GROWING
GANG OF IDIOTS
One thing
And that one thing is me
Yes, the one thing is me
One thing
when I am king
and rule MY country
forever
and ever
Who needs
dem-o-cra-cy?
DONNIE
One day, wait and see,
this is how it’s supposed to be
a strong man telling you
what you can and cannot do
DONNIE AND THE GANG
Some day
when we’re all kings
and rule forever
and ever and ever
One day
That’s the way it will be
That’s the way it will be
KING FOR ETERNITY

Thursday, February 6, 2020

№ 786: A Very Stable Genius Contemplates Next Steps


IMPERIAL PALACE (February 5)



Everyone knows I am so germaphobic,
I don’t ever breathe when near the Potomac,
an Indian river which unlike Liz Warren
has “native” blood — by which I mean foreign,
not North European like you and like me and
not Latin or Asian or even Korean
like dear leader Kim, my nuclear friend,
and Putin and Bibi (he-manly men
like me and President Xi)
and the Turkish guy whose name I forget
and Bolsonaro and the Philippine whosis
and my murdering Prince, MBS,
who Jarred assures me can do Middle East peace
if the price is right and Bibi’s convinced
before he’s convicted, jailed and evicted
from whatever they call their White House.
AND Boris Johnson — Johnson! lovin’ that name —
who’s a bigger liar than I am . . .
My phone call was “perfect”,
no smoking gun, no quid pro quo
and as you know Bolton’s a jerk,
an Obama guy who should be locked up
whoever appointed him is bigly corrupt.

And so it's admitted, I am acquitted.
It's finally attested. And now I can have
late night “comics” arrested.

Cancel election.
I am perfection.
(Time for new wife?)
I am forever.
I am for life.

Monday, January 13, 2020

№ 768: Over The Presidential Rainbow (Donnie reacts to reaction to Suleimani take-out)


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IMPERIAL PALACE (January 12)
(with apologies to Harold Arlen and E. Y. Harburg)

Un-fair,
it is ap-pal-ling
You know why
Al-so,
I call it gal-ling,
a strong guy like me could cry

Un-fair,
these lim-i-ta-tions
I tell you
I can do what I want to
it says in Ar-tic-le II

Each day I wake,
eat steak and cake,
watch FOX,
I tweet and make mis-takes
I’m balm-y

I curse the Dems
the hers and hims
and then I down a dozen Cokes
to calm me

Un-fair,
others are free to 
kill a guy
Vlad, MSB, Kim and Xi kill 
why, then, oh why, can’t I?

Each day I wake,
eat steak and cake,
watch FOX,
I tweet and make mis-takes
I’m bal-my

I curse the Dems
the hers and hims
and then I down a dozen Cokes
to calm me

Un-fair,
others are free to 
kill a guy
If Vlad and Bibi can kill 
why, then, oh why, can’t I?

Thursday, December 26, 2019

№ 756: Nancy And Donnie (a love duet) + 1 more

COMING DETRACTIONS (December 25)


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(with apologies to Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt)

NANCY: Well. . .
DONNIE: Well. . .
NANCY: Impeach.
DONNIE: Impeach?
NANCY: You're not beyond my reach.
DONNIE: You know what Mitch'll do.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: I say, Screw you.

NANCY Donnie?
DONNIE: Yes, “dear?
NANCY: I have never seen a man. . .
DONNIE: A man?
NANCY: . . .so low.
DONNIE: That so?
NANCY: It's true. You're as low any man can go.
I have never seen a single man, I mean,
with zero moral sense.
DONNIE: If you want morals, you'll get Mike Pence.

NANCY: Impeach.
DONNIE: You screech.
NANCY: Chuck will put up a fight.
DONNIE: I've got my own Jews, too.
NANCY: Rot in hell.
DONNIE: The same to you.

NANCY: Donnie?
DONNIE: Yes, “dear”?
NANCY: Have you ever had a thought. . .
DONNIE: A thought?
NANCY: . . .that's pure?
DONNIE: I'm not sure.
NANCY: What a boor. Are you really rotten to the core?
Have you ever done a single thing, I mean,
not totally uncouth?
DONNIE: Well. . .I may have done so once. In my youth.

NANCY: Convict.
DONNIE: You're licked.
NANCY: Convict.
DONNIE: You're licked.
NANCY: The Senate will evict.
DONNIE: With Mitch there's not a chance.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: There's not a chance.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: Four more years.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: Go wet your pants. . .


           *    *    *      ¯\_{ºº}_/¯      *    *    *


TRUMPING AT WINDMILLS

THE SKY IS FALLING (December 25)

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(with apologies to Burton Lane and E. Y. Harburg)

I look into a perfect sky
and guess what catch-es my eye
it's enough to make me cry
a Goddamned wind turbine
that darkens my skies
those Goddamned wind turbines hurt my eyes

Germans and Chinks 
want you to think
they got a handle
“Clean energy”!
but believe me. . .
can't hold a candle
to good old clean coal

It's just a Chink conspiracy
aimed at killing birds you see,
but Xi, he can't fool a guy like me
You may think that I whine
that my mind's in decline
but Goddamned wind turbines hurt my eyes

Let me just say 
I'm not Xi's sap
“Green energy”!
Take it from me. . .
a load of crap

Monday, December 23, 2019

№ 753: Presently (a recycling problem)

HERE AND NOW AND THEN AND ALWAYS (December 22)


When there are not enough wars
too many “patriots” live,
ready to credit conspiracy theories
and. . .well, what you'd call, fibs
told by “leaders” like Trump, Xi or Putin
and imagine allergies to things such as gluten.

However, whenever whole nations mobilize
and their crazies march off to fight,
ready — nay, eager! — to kill and to die
for what they, today, think is right,
many, bravely, succeed. AND surcease.
The result of which is what we call peace.

Haply, these interludes don't ever last
and we swiftly revert to our murderous past.

Friday, November 22, 2019

№ 732.1: EXTRA! Xi Plays Hard, Plays Trump Card?

In a Fox News interview, the president called the Chinese president “a friend” and suggested he might not sign a tough human rights bill to secure a trade pact with China. 


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THE NINNY WITH THE FRINGE ON THE TOP (November 22)

(with apologies to Bob Merrill)

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

№ 715: Have A NICE Day

QUICK MARTY, THE DeLOREAN (October 29)


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(with apologies to James Rado, Gerome Ragni and Galt MacDermot)

When a loon is in the White House
and “presidents” aligned with “tsars”
combined destroy the planet
and Musk leaves Earth for Mars,
this is the dawning of the Age of Apocalypse
the Age of Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Idiotic politicians
discovering new divisions
making ever worse decisions
expounding cock-eyed visions
infesting every nation
de-stroy civ-il-iz-a-tion
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
When a loon lived in the White House
and “presidents” aligned with “tsars”
combined destroyed the planet
and Musk left Earth for Mars,
that was the dawning of the Age of Apocalypse
the Age of Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse
Apocalypse

[corrected 10/30/2019, 9:47 am to add music credit]

Thursday, October 3, 2019

№ 696: Elections? Nah!

Donald Trump praises Xi Jinping over move to end term limit ... ‘maybe we’ll have to give that a shot someday’  



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INHISWORLDESTDREAMS (October 2)

(with apologies to Leslie Bricusse and Cyril Ornadel)

When I rule the world
even Democrats my praises will sing
as they beg may they please kiss my “ring”
I'll be loved like Un and Vlad and Jinping

When I rule the world
okay, I guess, it'll just be U.S.
but who really needs the rest of the mess
that I'd make with my gross fecklessness

My world will be a gaudy, gold place
where I'll scheme such devious schemes
My world will keep the Spics in their place,
south of the border made of steel beams

When I rule the world
there will not be a spot I won't spoil
not a place where I'll not drill for oil
No, my friend, not when I rule the world

Everything will be crude and crass
as each day Stormy paddles my ass
if it ever comes to pass that I rule the world.

Saturday, September 21, 2019

№ 687.1 EXTRA! Copying Xi


Journalists in Chinese state media to be tested on loyalty to President Xi Jinping

About 10,000 reporters and editors in Beijing are expected to take ‘pilot tests’ next month using Xuexi Qiangguo mobile app

Nationwide exams – with sections on Xi’s political thinking and Marxism – will be held later and press cards will only be issued to those who pass

The media oversight office made clear that updated press cards, which are essential for those working in the industry, would only be issued to journalists who had passed the exam. Those who fail will have one chance to take the test again, according to the notice.

MYWAY (September 21)








Now, why couldn't I do something like that
as a way of combating FAKE NEWS?
Reporters, editors (photographers, too!)
would have to adhere to my hues
and stop telling lies with film and transcriptions
of color and words I may say
when it is clear from FOX's depictions
I'm tan and the words were just throw away.

But if I had someone put in a book
all of of my geniusy thinking,
then U.S. enemies (the press and the Dems)
would have, at least, an inkling,
and begin to suspect all of my thoughts
tornado spin. . .barn weather vane. . .
It is a fact, I don't think, I react.
I've got a crocodile brain.

Thursday, September 19, 2019

№ 686.1: EXTRA! My Way

Trump’s communications with foreign leader are part of whistleblower complaint that spurred standoff between spy chief and Congress, former officials say (Paywall)

Trump’s interaction with the foreign leader included a “promise” that was regarded as so troubling that it prompted an official in the U.S. intelligence community to file a formal whistleblower complaint with the inspector general for the intelligence community. . .


ORTHEHIGHWAY (September 19)

What's this about?
How can this be?
Doesn't the government
work just for me?
Say, I decide
(not that I did)
to tell Kim
something CIA
thinks should be hid.
Wonderful guys
my CIA spies
but they never looked
into Kim's eyes.
Something I think
he needs to know
although the CIA
doesn't think so.
Kim's a good guy.
He is my pal.
He writes me letters
that make smile.

If I tell Vlad
stuff that makes him glad.
How is that bad?
I mean so what
if somebody's shot?
Vlad's a great guy.
I like him a lot.
Very strong leader.
A leader like me.
And don't get me started
on President Xi
to whom I say little
lest he tariff me.

Friday, July 26, 2019

№ 647: Late Night Musings To Go With Snacks, Diet Cokes And Lotsa Big Macs

TRUMPWORLD (July 25)

When you win a war, people are thrilled.
They quickly forget how many you killed.
People love wars and stories of glory
They forget wars are horribly gory.

If I give the okay to go bomb Iran,
what will Kim think in Korea?
And Xi, in China, would he agree
bombing's a great panacea?
Would he similarly threaten Taiwan
if I give the okay to go bomb Iran?

I'm President, I can do what I want to.
Trudeau disses me, I bomb Toronto.

Monday, July 8, 2019

№ 633: Headlines


HERE AND NOW (July 7)

British ambassador calls Donald inept.
(Speak of a secret but poorly kept.)

UN declares climate outlook is bleak,
a brand new disaster at least once a week.

Iran's giving up on nuclear deal.
(Additional proof Trump's a schlemiel?)

Meanwhile at Brexit, could be Johnson's thing
is playing the part of Jacobin king.

Book: Trump calls AOC “Evita”.
(Who wudda guessed he knew from da theata?)

The people of Hong Kong it seems wish to die.
If so, Premier Xi will oblige. By-and-bye.

Our sperm counts are falling. This is a crisis.
Who can we blame? Latinos or ISIS?

Evangelicals continue their Trump adoration,
succumbing to his satyr's “salvation”.

Ex-GOPer toys with White House run,
calls for impeachment. Lordy, what fun!

Feds arrest billionaire. Under-age sex.
(Maybe he runs for president next?)

And though I confess I do not care much,
in “football” our women defeat the Dutch.

Thursday, July 4, 2019

№ 631: Back To The Fourth (a tweet from tomorrow)

THE SWAMP (July 3)
I was BETRAYED!
That was NOT my parade.
That tiny, puny, little charade.
Not enough tanks. Not enough planes.
Where were the immigrant children in chains?

Not enough ANYTHING! A damned pooper scooper.
Where was Robert E. Lee? Where were my storm troopers
goose stepping while I smiled beatifically?
It had no style. It failed horrifically.
It was intended to celebrate ME! So I could gloat over Putin and Xi.
Now how can I put down my BFF, Kim?
Where were the missiles with which I threaten him?

To you Pentagon Dems behind this SAD plot:
when I find who you are, I'll have you shot.
This is NOT what I asked for. . .this strolling at leisure.
I called for a Triumph. Like Julius Cæsar!
NOT some dumb, casual come-as-you-are.
I wanted a spectacle fit for a Tsar.
A parade — must I say it explicitly?
a parade reflecting the glory of ME.
A parade of parades breaking the mold
with my bew-t-ful Soldiers* plated in gold.
———————————————
*and Sailors, Airmen, Marines — SPACE FORCE CADETS! 
Plus a battalion or two of World War II vets.
Maybe Coast Guarders. Do they they go on land? 
After Hurricane Whatsis, I đź’— their brand.