№ 857: Worsery Rhymes

TIMELESS (May 14) —

Eeny, meeny, whiney, why

does Donnie want us all to die

How did we elect this guy?

Eeny, meeny, whiney. WHY?

Baa, baa, black sheep

we simply have to say,

you do not belong here

you must go away.

This pasture is for WHITE sheep,

so go back from whence you came.

(And whenever something’s wrong,

Donnie’s not to blame)

Humpty Trumpty:

“Must build my wall.

Coronavirus? Gone by the fall.

When thanks to Mitchy, SCOTUS, and Putin,

I am, for the first time, re-elected again.”

In re: corona virus,

people most desirous.

Birx and Fauci,

please don't let us down.

Donnie will never eat lamb

so long as there’s McDonald’s.

He likes food that shares his name

and women who let him fondle.

Like Julius Cæsar, Don wants a crown.

They share, you could say, a persona.

Cæsar, alas, in his prime was struck down,

while Donnie got stuck with Corona.

People tell Donnie compared to him,

calling Julius a loser is valid.

Donnie has burgers named after him,

while Cæsar has only a salad.

№ 835: I Am I, Donald Trump

Trump says his ‘authority is total.’ (Paywall)

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Mitch Leigh and Joe Darion)

NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE (April 14) —

HEAR ME now thou purveyors of “science” and “fact”,

C-N-N, MS-NBC.

Your “facts” are no match for my Twitter attack.

This story is all about me!

I am I, Donald Trump! Heh!

My body is lumpy.

My ego is fragile. And so

the Supremes prostitution

of the Constitution

assures me that I run the show.

That I alone run the show.

To hell in handbasket we go.

№ 772: Trump Is Just A Four Letter Word

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SLOUGH OF DESPOND (January 16)

(with apologies to Bob Dylan)

Seems as tho' the GOP lost its collective mind,
either that or they de-cid-ed, “better to be blind”
Donnie knows this con-stit-u’ncy
will ig-nore his lax mor-al-it-y
so long as his ev’ry ap-point-ee
en-for-ces their re-lig-i-os-ity 
no way 
of making Donnie ever go away

Outside of Dem-o-crats (some who might be worse),
no one an-y-where can free us of this curse
Of can-did-ates, there were — at least — a score,
al-most ev'ry one a bore
with whom Donnie’d mop the floor
as in des-per-a-tion, Dems search for 
some way 
of making Donnie somehow go away

Dem’s never know it’s time to go when their ammo's spent
Donnie’s crowd is “loud and proud” and they do not relent
They’ve got guns and the Dems have none 
come High Noon showdown Dems are done
So Dems sit back and sip some good Bordeaux
no point in fighting toe-to-toe
no way 
of somehow making Donnie go away

Though Nancy did her level best, impeachment can not work,
not with Mitch and GOP backing up the jerk
The high crimes and mis-de-mean-ors clause
is not enough to even give them pause
because they know Donnie knows no law
and if he did, they know that he’d ig-nore,
(no matter that the whole wide world de-plored)
anyone or anything he saw as moored 
in his way 
and to-tal-ly refuse to go away

Re-mem-ber how we were taught no one's above the law
A pretty thought that counts for naught as Donnie clearly saw
Now that Donnie's found Ar-tic-le II
there is no tell-ing what he’ll do
with his short attention span and shorter fuse
and his pred-i-lec-tion to ab-use
given the Su-preme Court’s skew-er-ed views, 
I’d say
there is no way that Donnie goes away

№ 734: Sarah's Slanders Revisited

Self-confessed liar Sarah Sanders says: ‘I don't like being called a liar’

• Trump’s ex-press secretary says: ‘I was attacked for everything’
• Sanders admitted Comey statement was ‘founded on nothing’

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CROSS PURPOSES (November 25)

(with apologies to Irving Berlin)

Oh, my father was a preacher and a gov'nor, you know
that is why I can not tell a fib
I'd rehearse every day what Trump told me to say
and then I would have to ad lib

When I did a presser I never would address a 
single one of my boss's lies 
I preached from the choir, therefore I was no a liar
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
When I made a statement
it was a truth abatement
or I was be-ing wry
As a fact twister,
I was no resister
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
From a lie, from a lie,
No, I can't tell the truth from a lie
Reporters I battled
and I was never rattled
facing FAKE NEWS guys
I wouldn't hear 'em
or the boss'd smear 'em
I'd let them wail in the gale
then I'd bail
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie

I'm cool, brave and daring
La-ne Bry-ant wearing
(although it's their smallest size)
When facts I shuffled
I never once got ruffled
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
I quoted the Bible,
so it wasn't libel
Say so and you'll fry
It ain't really slanders
it's just the truth meanders
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie
From a lie, from a lie
No, I can't tell the truth from a lie
With Mitch McConnell
all I really wan'll
be for Ruth Bader Ginsburg t' die
then he'll annointee
another Trump appointee
a Christian darlin',
unlike Merrick Garland
Oh, I can't tell the truth from a lie

We're Trump's Christian soldiers
we're miracle beholders
Non-believers need not apply
Our final solution
a Christian Revolution
and if we fail
we will all go to jail
Oh I can't tell the truth from a lie

[corrected 11/26/2019 8:42 am]

№ 622.5: EXTRA! More Scattered (Tattered?) “Thoughts” On Kavanaugh's Treason (does he even REALLY like beer?)

Supreme Court Reaffirms Rule Against Racial Bias in Jury Selection

Justices vote 7-2 to overturn murder conviction of black defendant in Mississippi 

Writing for the 7-2 majority, Justice Brett Kavanaugh said the “extraordinary facts of this case” required the court’s intervention. . .

Mr. Flowers, then 26, had worked at the store, but no physical evidence tied him to the crime. District Attorney Doug Evans, theorizing that Mr. Flowers killed the four victims in revenge after being fired, prosecuted him all six times.

OH HOW COULD YOU BRETT, MS (June 21)

Why should a DA

have to go wilty

because a black man

might not really be “guilty”?

If he's not guilty

explain the fact

that the defendant

appears to be black!

Justice delayed

may be justice denied,

but we know just as well

God is on white DA's side.

Just look at his pictures.

He’s bathed in light.

With Aryan eyes

Of course God is white.

And yet there are idiots who

say God is an A-rab

or God is a Jew.

And though this may

generate flak,

it is damned certain

GOD CAN'T BE BLACK!

God is white.

God is perfection.

The “reveal” in Israel?

GPS misdirection!

One thing 

we are totally sure of,

God’s native land

is northwest Europe.

That’s where He began.

That’s where He planned.

The Garden of Eden

was, in fact, Sweden.

For, though now Socialists,

and, therefore, vermin,

Swedes in the old days

were actually German.

№ 622.4: EXTRA! With Justice Thomas In Descent

Excluding Black Jurors in Curtis Flowers Case Violated Constitution, Supreme Court Rules (Paywall)

“Equal justice under law requires a criminal trial free of racial discrimination in the jury selection process,” Justice Kavanaugh wrote.

Justice Clarence Thomas dissented. He said that Mr. Flowers was plainly guilty...

IMPEACH BRETT KAVANAUGH, MS (June 21)

Mississippi prosecutors must not become lax
and let juries deal with only facts.
A clear Poitier slap in the face
of Mississip's hist'ry on matters of race.

№ 587: Looking Forward As Justice Looks Backward

BEST OF NO POSSIBLE WORLD, May 2

I hope Chief Justice John Roberts remains so vain he

would wish not to be seen as a new Roger Taney*

the Chief Justice who wrote the Dred Scott decision^†,

who, I've heard said, loved the dread Inquisition.

Both Taney and Roberts came from privileged positions

without feeling for/interest in others' positions.

To their similarities (many) I will not allude,

except to add that if they're equal we're screwed.

—————

*[F]ifth chief justice of the Supreme Court of the United States. . .He was the first Roman Catholic to serve on the Supreme Court. — Encyclopædia Britannica

†legal case in which the U.S. Supreme Court on March 6, 1857, ruled (7–2) that a slave (Dred Scott) who had resided in a free state and territory (where slavery was prohibited) was not thereby entitled to his freedom; that African Americans were not and could never be citizens of the United States; and that the Missouri Compromise (1820), which had declared free all territories west of Missouri and north of latitude 36°30′, was unconstitutional. —  Ibid

№ 496: A Matter Of Decree — The President Addresses The Nation (tomorrow the world?)

Due to the flaws

in all of our “laws”

the best people agree

I should rule by decree.

Since I, alone,

know what is best,

I told Congress,

“Give it a rest.”

Steve Miller tells me

I have the power.

Therefore, commencing

at this precise hour

every American —

everywhere, everyday —

must forever do

whatever I say.

I've shut down the courts.

You cannot appeal.

If you need to know more

read The Art Of The Deal.

The Federal Reserve

I've ordered to close.

I will not tolerate

being opposed.

Media outlets?

Sealed with large locks.

Except Murdoch papers

and stations of FOX.

To the police:

fire at will.

Specifically:

shoot solely to kill.

Henceforth, so my glory
is rightly displayed:
each year on my birthday,
a BIGLY a parade
in every city, 
village and town.
And if people insist
I'll accept the crown.

All appearing before me

will have to kneel.

Forehead on floor

I think ideal.

Mike Pence resigned

so he could. . .whatever. . .

He is not needed,

we gods live forever.

№ 456: Consti-what-shun?

WSJ: Trump Wants to Curb Birthright Citizenship, Escalating Immigration Debate

Legal scholars dismiss the idea, saying a president lacks standing to do it on his own

In an interview published Tuesday morning, just ahead of next week’s midterms, Mr. Trump said he planned an executive order to end what is known as birthright citizenship, bypassing Congress and waving off the belief of many legal scholars that such a move would require a change to the Constitution.

“It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don’t,” he told Axios. “It’s in the process. It’ll happen, with an executive order.”

As president I can do what I like.

Because if I can't. . .where's the fun?

I can, if I want, have someone shot,

then charge them for use of the gun.

I learned all this stuff from my boy, Stephen Miller.

(He reminds me so much of Roy Cohn.)

Although he resembles a serial killer,

he's more like a Mafia don.

Steve, when he's near, fills folks with fear.

Like my boy Roy, his smile is a sneer.

Two of a kind. My kinda guys.

Don'cha just love their really dead eyes?

Two of a kind: Roy Cohn and Stephen Miller

NYT: Trump Attacks Ryan, Who Scoffed at Birthright Citizenship Plan (Paywall)

In a Twitter post on Wednesday, Mr. Trump presented his own legal argument: “It is not covered by the 14th Amendment because of the words ‘subject to the jurisdiction thereof,’ ” . . .

With judges who say corporations are people,

then rule people need homes full of guns,

there’s no reason to think undoing amendments

won’t be considered great fun.

Our GOP's quick on the draw to hold up uphold the law.

(Sweetest damned thing that you ever saw!)

We'll fix what is wrong. People will cheer.

And Brett Kavanaugh can have him a beer.

№ 439: The Constitution, Unmaking Amends

Democrats failed our Brett K. to derail
so he's safe to cavort on the Kangaroo Court
where he'll curtail Liberal distortion
by ending forever the wrong of abortion.
Once we dispatch that legal miscarriage,
we stick to our guns and “Bye-bye, gay marriage!”
Then we'll reveal our Scalia intendments:
our zeal to repeal inconvenient amendments.

— Wikipedia

Thirteen through fifteen?
Gone, in a flash.
Seventeen? Nineteen?
Succumb to backlash.
As for twenty-four?
Stomped on the floor,
kicked out the door
forever more
with all it stands for.

Benjamin Franklin is said to have said,
A republic. . .if it'll keep.
“OF”, “FOR” and/or “BY  THE PEOPLE”?!
Get those unsown, then we really reap!

We're true Libertarians and Fundamentalists,
GOP buddies — and friends with benefits.

№ 438.1: EXTRA! Donald Says ‘Sorry’

WaPo: Trump apologizes to Kavanaugh for ‘terrible pain and suffering’
At a swearing in ceremony hosted by the White House Oct. 8, President Trump began by apologizing to Supreme Court Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh.

Oh, pity the hardship, bewail the travail

that is the lot of a superior male, 

who whether white, yellow or black 

finds himself constantly under attack

by packs of deranged hormonal witches

who really need swift kicks in their britches.

№ 436: Kavanaugh, Above The Law?

NYT: Kavanaugh’s 1983 Letter Offers Inside Look at High School Clique (Paywall)

In a 1983 letter, a copy of which was reviewed by The New York Times, the young Judge Kavanaugh warned his friends of the danger of eviction from an Ocean City, Md., condo. In a neatly written postscript, he added: Whoever arrived first at the condo should “warn the neighbors that we’re loud, obnoxious drunks with prolific pukers among us. Advise them to go about 30 miles...”

In June 1983, Brett Kavanaugh wrote a two-page letter to seven friends about their coming “Beach Week” condo rental. (Some names have been redacted.) NYT

The second page of the 1983 letter to friends in advance of their “Beach Week” jaunt in Ocean City, Md. (Some names have been redacted.) NYT

What did we do,

me and my peers?

1983?

OUR SENIOR YEAR?

All I recall is

lift weights,

drink beers.

We DID NOT “boof”.

We were not queers.

My calender's proof,

we persevered.

Cloudy or clear:

lift weights,

drink beers.

This simple story

clearly coheres.

All of that summer,

all of that year.

All that we did was

lift weights,

drink beers.

There weren't girls

anywhere near.

It's like I said:

lift weights,

drink beers.

(I am not clear

if parents were there.

All I recall is

lift weights,

drink beers.)

It's so unfair,

these vicious smears.

There was no sex.

Lift weights,

drink beers.

And you bet your ass

I was top of my class

and now it appears

adieu career?

Is this the end?

Lift weights,

drink beers.

Let me be clear:

I. DID. NOT. DO. IT!

(but if I did. . .

lift weights,

drink beers.)

BONUS

(WARNING!: Scene of “boys being boys” from 1997 film In The Company Of Men. Viewer discretion is advised.)

Email subscribers click here.

№ 435.2: EXTRA! In Re: Kavanaugh

In re: Kavanaugh,
who happens to have
the teensiest flaw.
In point of fact
his flaws are rife
and a SCOTUS Justice
must be like Caesar's wife.
When FBI says
Brett blatantly lied,
he'll have to be
disqualified.
Naturally, Trump will,
angrily curse
then go and nominate
somebody worse.
Someone who is, however,
perfectly pure
without an obvious
stench of manure.

№ 435.1: EXTRA! Ask Not What Kavanaugh Can Do To, er, FOR You. . .

Okay, lemme see if I get how this works?
Because Brett got older he isn't a jerk?
For upper class preppies, just one of the perks?

Indiscretions of youth are of no account?
If granddaddy had large bank account,
there is no problem you can not surmount?

Oblige the noblest amongst us, the blessed?
Follow whatever path they say is best?
Don't say or do anything to cause them distress?

Kiss the big toes on the glorious feet
of the vastly superior high-born elite
to show you are grateful that they let you eat?

№ 431: Better Yet, Leave It To Brett!

Judge Kavanaugh mentioned Renate Dolphin on his yearbook page, his lawyer said, because of one high school event they attended together “and nothing else.” Address and some names have been obscured.

New York Times

Oh, what a rascal

that Eddie Haskell* was

on Leave It To Beaver.

Smarmy polite,

with grown-ups in sight.

Otherwise, a deceiver.

He never fooled Mrs. June Cleaver.

His kind brings to mind

Brett Kavanaugh

who is also adept

at bending the law

of decency and of civility.

Denying all culpability.

When it comes time, 

the Senate, one hopes —

though underachievers —

will be Mrs. Cleaver's.

______________

*Eddie was known for his neat grooming—hiding his shallow and sneaky character. Typically, Eddie would greet his friends' parents with overdone good manners and often a compliment such as, “That's a lovely dress you're wearing, Mrs. Cleaver.” However, when no parents were around, Eddie was always up to no good—either conniving with his friends or picking on Wally's younger brother, Beaver. Eddie's duplicity was also exemplified in his efforts to curry favor by trying to talk to adults at the level he thought they would respect, such as referring to their children as Theodore (Beaver's much-disliked given name) and Wallace, even though the parents called them Beaver and Wally.

An untrustworthy wise guy, Eddie could be relied upon to concoct and instigate schemes with his friends, schemes for which they would be in the position of blame if (and frequently when) they were caught.  — Wikipedia

№ 430 Bonus—CORRECTION

Due to an editing error the link for email subscribers was incorrect. 

Email subscribers click here.

Back when our Brett was very young,
he was well built and so well hung
that all the girls loved what they saw,
they saw of raw Brett Kavanaugh.

He was pure steel he used to say
and with the girls he had his way.
Young prep school girls all stood in awe,
undid their bras for Kavanaugh.

The trail that he blazed is still there.
No one has dared since to disgrace his name.
If they ever tried he'd snigger,
“They failed to figure I have no shame.”

If this dishonor joins the court
there will be only one resort:
from Amazon to get a get a gun
and join the rev, Rev-o-lu-shun.

№ 430: Kavanaugh (and so many others) Explained

A man born to privilege
need never apologize
for anything — EVER! — at all.
What with this birthright
wrong is his right,
summer, spring, winter and fall.

As you may be aware
we do not really care
to be egalitarian
with vulgarian carrion.
Who, please excuse me,
DO NOT amuse me.

We Libertarians
despise proletarians.
They 
are in our way.
We 
expect respect.
They 
DO NOT genuflect.
A failing, we pray,
Judge K will correct.

BONUS:

Email subscribers click here.

Back when our Brett was very young,
he was well built and so well hung
that all the girls loved what they saw,
they saw of raw Brett Kavanaugh.

He was pure steel he used to say
and with the girls he had his way.
Young prep school girls all stood in awe,
undid their bras for Kavanaugh.

The trail that he blazed is still there.
No one has dared since to disgrace his name.
If they ever tried he'd snigger,
“They failed to figure I have no shame.”

If this dishonor joins the court
there will be only one resort:
from Amazon to get a get a gun
and join the rev, Rev-o-lu-shun.

№ 429: Brett Kavanaugh, He Will Deliver

(with apologies to author unknown)

Rip the Court asunder,
tear up settled law,
trash all rights and justice,
hide 'em in a drawer.
If you liked Steve Bannon,
you'll like Brett still more.
Worstest calamity
that you ever saw.

Girls run and hide.
Freedom go and shiver:
Brett Kavanaugh'll
sell us down river.
Oh, he's a sex abuser
and an All-Pro fabulator.
Oh, he's Christian bully,
an abortion liquidator.
He can't shake an honest hand
or look you in the eye.
But Trump wants him on the court.
Country's gonna die.

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№ 428: The Law And Brett Kavanaugh (an immaculate deception?)

Guardian: Brett Kavanaugh faces second allegation of sexual misconduct

Deborah Ramirez, who attended Yale with Kavanaugh, has described a drunken party during which genitals were thrust in her face

Whatever Brett did

when he was a teen,

if it wasn't this stuff,

it was just as obscene.

THAT isn't the question!

BUT what he WILL do

if he's on the court

where everyone knows

he'll tack hard from port,

completing the Christian concession.

A Diós passive aggression.

A judge must be fair
an impartial umpire.
That is, after all,
what his job requires.
He must never consider
his likes and dislikes.
He has to show how
to call balls and strikes.

№ 426.1: EXTRA! No WiffenPOOFS* Need Apply (Bah, Bah, Bah!)

Guardian: 'No accident' Brett Kavanaugh's female law clerks 'looked like models', Yale professor told students

Guardian learns Amy Chua said she would advise students on their physical looks to help win post in Kavanaugh’s chambers

If ya gotta have bitches

as your law clerks —

which, by the way, is ridiculous —

I see no reason not to require

that every one is meticulous-

ly groomed and sexily dressed,

with good looks conspicuous and great figure blessed

and must do always and solely at my behest

what I request which, as you may have guessed,

may include staring at breasts,

lest they desire their careers be suppressed.

This is just how this system works.

It is no coincidence all my guy clerks

look like and act like and are total jerks.

I chose each one of them specifically

because he seemed so like a mini-me.

*Wiffenpoofs