№ 878: GOP Platform 2020 — secret at 'em dumb

DEEPEST GOP (June 14) —

What is the point of letting THEM vote

if THEY won't vote the right way.

Blah, blah, blah, “consent of the governed”,

democracy, in its place, is . . . okay.

We, THE ELITE, determine THAT place

which, prima facie, of course, ignores race

IF you sign on with our NEW GOP

and swear you favor theocracy,

marriage between a man and his wife,

(who must do what she’s told on pain of her life),

negative taxes to give businesses cash

(to bail them out when they cause a crash),

deregulating all business activity,

plus privatizing “Social Security”.

(Whereas, “personal hygiene” is a Federal affair,

abortion and “sex choice” fall under our care.)

Unions are, from now on, forbidden.

Except for collecting dues.

Which shall be given to us to assure

that these dues are wisely used.

In education, we'll protect our young ones

by arming their teachers with pistols and guns,

emphasizing the King James Version

(and taxing parents resisting conversion),

excising all mention of Darwin-like weirdos,

and renaming schools for Confederate heroes.

These are a few of the things we stand for.

We can check FOX and add a few more.

Our platform is in FOX's capable hands.

We await Rupert Murdoch's latest commands.

№ 866: Corona Musings

DELUSIONAL STATE (May 27)  —

My virus response was perfect. Terrific.

How many actually died?

Other than old, sick, city Dems

who never were on my side?

Also a bunch of minorities

who all vote three or four times.

Even with photo id cards,

it's hard to tell them apart.

The critical thing’s the economy:

stock prices, corporate gains,

year-end bonuses,

second-home ownership

for me and my oligarch friends

who need places to flee to

whenever a crisis occurs

with freezers completely

filled with fresh meat

and lotsa small rooms

for maids and chauffeurs,

like I have at Mar a Lago,

my palatial estate by the sea,

which I forbid ever to rise

since climate change can't affect me,

but if it dares I'll wreak havoc,

in what ways I'm unwilling to say,

therefore the sea, like everyone else

should lie back, close its eyes. 

while I have my way.

№ 559.1 EXTRA! The Turds Strike Back

Trump Officials Broaden Attack on Health Law, Arguing Courts Should Reject All of It (Paywall)

WASHINGTON — The Trump administration broadened its attack on the Affordable Care Act on Monday, telling a federal appeals court that it now believed the entire law should be invalidated.

THE SWAMP, March 26

Look. It is simple.

Must we explain?

Blocking Dem voters

is too great a strain.

Purging vote rolls

is never a crime,

but we can’t gerrymander

everywhere, every time.

Killing Obamacare

is better instead.

If we watch them real close,

Dems won’t vote if they’re dead.

We've promised repeal
in every campaign.
(May we say in addition,
“Up yours, John McCain!”)

№ 526: Views Of Too [WHITE] American Males

BBC

Hawaii may increase legal smoking age to 100

Hawaii could raise the legal smoking age to 100, effectively banning cigarettes for the vast majority of people in the state.

The Patriot:

First they ban smoking. (Real men don't vape.)
Next thing you know they'll make all sex rape!
Outlawing suppression of vote registration?

A totally flagrant states' rights usurpation.
Seatbelts, bike helmets all safety rules
should be replaced by Bibles in schools.

We insist it's our right to do what we wish.

Let pussy liberals call this illegal-ish.

Liberals who hate our having fun,

who foam at the mouth when you show them your gun,

who cannot grasp our way of life,

who have never held a gravity knife,

who faint at the sight of a fresh field dressed deer,

who live in big cities (is that why they're so queer?),

who love making everything we do illegal,

who never poached a bear or an eagle.
Liberals inflated by their self-absorption.

(If only their mothers had had an abortion.)

We prayed for relief. God heard our lament.

That is THE REASON Trump is now president.

The One-Percenter:

A just society 
is one in which

you can do anything 
if you are rich.

№ 456: Consti-what-shun?

WSJ: Trump Wants to Curb Birthright Citizenship, Escalating Immigration Debate

Legal scholars dismiss the idea, saying a president lacks standing to do it on his own

In an interview published Tuesday morning, just ahead of next week’s midterms, Mr. Trump said he planned an executive order to end what is known as birthright citizenship, bypassing Congress and waving off the belief of many legal scholars that such a move would require a change to the Constitution.

“It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don’t,” he told Axios. “It’s in the process. It’ll happen, with an executive order.”

As president I can do what I like.

Because if I can't. . .where's the fun?

I can, if I want, have someone shot,

then charge them for use of the gun.

I learned all this stuff from my boy, Stephen Miller.

(He reminds me so much of Roy Cohn.)

Although he resembles a serial killer,

he's more like a Mafia don.

Steve, when he's near, fills folks with fear.

Like my boy Roy, his smile is a sneer.

Two of a kind. My kinda guys.

Don'cha just love their really dead eyes?

Two of a kind: Roy Cohn and Stephen Miller

NYT: Trump Attacks Ryan, Who Scoffed at Birthright Citizenship Plan (Paywall)

In a Twitter post on Wednesday, Mr. Trump presented his own legal argument: “It is not covered by the 14th Amendment because of the words ‘subject to the jurisdiction thereof,’ ” . . .

With judges who say corporations are people,

then rule people need homes full of guns,

there’s no reason to think undoing amendments

won’t be considered great fun.

Our GOP's quick on the draw to hold up uphold the law.

(Sweetest damned thing that you ever saw!)

We'll fix what is wrong. People will cheer.

And Brett Kavanaugh can have him a beer.

№ 452.2: EXTRA! You Are STILL In Kansas

LAT: Latino-majority town in Kansas moves its lone polling site outside city limits, triggering ACLU suit (Paywall)

DODGE CITY — This small Kansas town with a majority Latino population has moved its lone polling site to a tough-to-access location outside the city limits, drawing a federal lawsuit that claims the move is intended to discourage voters who have less access to transportation and don’t have flexible work schedules.

The Wichita Eagle reported that after the ACLU initially objected to the Dodge City's single, out-of-town location. [The election official who ordered the move, Ford County Clerk Deborah] Cox forwarded to the state an ACLU letter asking her to publicize a voter helpline.

"LOL," she wrote in an email to Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach's office.

In an eyes-only post script Ms. Cox added:

This ACLU lawsuit is not applicable.

To hint that I'm racist is, frankly, “Deth-spic-able!” 

That, I conjecture, is what Daffy Duck

would say in my place if he were stuck.

In Dodge, we advocate complete voting rights.

(For every last one of our car-owning whites.)

If Juan y Maria have a complaint to lodge,

I would suggest that they “get out of Dodge”.

Marque dos para espanol.

Si Juan y María tienen quejas para presentar 

Yo sugeriría que salgan de Dodge.

No. 289: Voting Slights And Immigrant Fights

This “poem” is brought to you by the Republican National Committee,

a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Brothers Industries.

Voting isn't a right.

It's earned by birth. 
AND what you are worth.
(Maybe not this time
but soon for sure
we'll take the vote
from anyone poor.)

Also of import

is where you're from.

We will never allow

foreign-born scum

to ever again elect anyone
unwhite, unmale, unrich!

Honestly, really!

Why ditch

a system that's worked

for two centuries

that permits us to do

just as we please?

Bad enough

we had to let

Catholics, Jews

and other refuse

pour over our borders,

marry our daughters.

There are still those

we choose not

to live in close 
quarters with.

Men called Señor,
we will not endure.

We'll let in some Hindus.

You know the sort —

those people we need

to staff tech support?

Temp workers only,

not permanent hires,

who have to leave

when their visa expires.

There is a freeze

on all Chinese.

DO NOT ask whyfor!

(You know we're at war?

If not at this moment, 

then very soon.

Say, maybe, Thursday. 

Mid-afternoon?)

And you can bet

we'll make up some grounds

to exclude anyone 
from anywhere 
Muslims are found.

And lest they imagine they'll

slip through the cracks,

let me assure everyone

we need no new African Blacks.

Not that we're bigots,

not by any means,

but we have already

sufficient sports teams.