913: Tweet Storm Warning

NOAA HURRICANE CENTER (August 2) —

If Dems, afraid of Chinese diseases,

do not show up to vote,

while Republicans flock to the the polls even sneezing,

bye-bye Joe Biden — that’s all she wrote.

I propose postponing election

’til we are rid of Chinese infection.

Somebody told me Article II

permits me to do whatever I want to.

I intend to prevent insurrection

with no leftist anarchist avoiding detection.

Blah, blah, blah. So “BLACK LIVES MATTER!”?

Tear gas and flashbangs. See how they scatter,

before my glorious cammo-clad Stasi

and multifarious posses comitati.

893: Donnie V After Agincourt

Trump claims 99% of US Covid-19 cases are ‘totally harmless’ as infections surge

President’s White House speech capping 4 July celebrations says US coronavirus strategy is ‘moving along well’

The coronavirus has infected 2.8m Americans and killed nearly 130,000, the worst tallies in the world.

AFTER THE BATTLE (July 5) —

What is the count of our Covid dead?

Zero, I say. AND SHRINKING!

For this disease strikes only Democrats

or turncoat Republicans given to thinking

that though Trump (in triumph) locked up the courts

for forty years (maybe more),

prickling incontinent conscience leads 

losers like these to need to abhor

being led by a Falstaff-like boar. 

A louche lout.

That is all their “principle” can be about.

They can not accept God's strangest ways,

in choosing Trump to bring on the End of Days.

№ 868: GOP Crystal Ball

DOWN THE ROAD (May 31) —

If Donnie is anything, he is perfection.

He’s already president, why have an election

with illegal Democrats voting by mail

making it tricky for us to prevail?

Democracy’s great. As many still note.

(Provided, that is, you limit the vote
to those who will make the correct decision,
not all the riff-raff who should be in prison.)

In November, if Donnie's defeated
he will depart with dignified decency.
Of course, if he's forced to declare martial law,
odds of him leaving decrease appreciably.

[updated 6/1/2020, 3:00 pm]

№ 860: Trump Victory Speech #1022

IN HIS MIND'S I (May 19)  —

Today, I come before you to say

I chased China virus away.

As I promised. It vanished. Like magic!

Some people died? Blah, blah, blah, tragic.

Everyone says my soft summer breezes

are great. And they are deadly for virus diseases.

(Except . . . you know, polio —

which was NOT in my portfolio.)

Further good news. It is a fact.

All of the “dead” are Democrat,

foreign-born, or illegal alien.

Nary a Baptist or Episcopalian.

GOPers survived.

I suppose God should be thanked.

Or it could be the Clorox

(on my advice) that you drank?

But credit God.

Not me. I don't care.

Now to dissolve

Medicaid/Medicare.

We don't need either.

Never have, anyway.

Reopen the country

and let us prey.

№ 801: Way To Go (NOT!)

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Meredith Wilson)

END OF THE LINE (February 26) — 

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

let me say it once again

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

is the man on whom we can depend

if Dems decide political immolation

will stop GOP destroying the nation

I can say without a moment of hesitation

Bernie’s just THE MAN
to fulfill the plan

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

not Bloomberg,
Klobuchar,
Buttigieg,
nor Liz,
nor Joe,

but Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
a total schmo

№ 796: Baby Bloomberg Revisited

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Bob Dylan)

REALM OF THE POSSIBLE (February 19) —

We are toast, despite Trump boasts, our future's past

We're in deep because this creep and his sad cast

of toadies, crooks, and Chris-ti-an fascists

to whom he's givin' all they ever wished

There really ain't nothin' more to say

ex-cept it's all over USA

With the nation fallin' deeper into senescence

shrinking in importance and in relevance,

attending closely to discordant tweets

from one who supp-ORTS White men in sheets

Too late for it all to go away

so it's all over now USA

With all those hapless Dem-o-crats, you gotta groan

Plannin' for a win that jes' ain’t gonna come

Promisin' the moon and maybe more,

sayin' if you want, you just ask for,

ignorin' we're fast closin' on doomsday

so it's all over now USA

With no sense Dems there is nothin' we can do

except hope maybe Bloomberg can still break through

though he's not ideal and he's a bore

about as colorful as was Al Gore

but given his opponents, I gotta say

he’s our best shot to make Trump go away

№ 789.1: EXTRA! Iowa And New Hampshire

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CONCORD AND HARMONY (February 11)


(with apologies Stephen Stills)

Clueless, but “caring”, 

the Democrats caucused in I-o-wa,

(for Dems not where IT is at)

Foolishly asking white, midwest, fake farmers

to jump start their bound-to-lose tick-it

Only to trip on their lousy tech guys.

Quickly unrav’ling,

recounting and cav’lling o-ver

which loser won the vote.

Heedlessly heading toward Trump’s reelection

and making their chances more remote
because
HELLO!

there was no person

in the run-ning

who, come November,

Trump would not smother.

On to New Hampshire, a nearly as bad state for liberals,

(and everybody else),

where just because it is next to his “home” state, 

Bernie, likely, would do well.
No joking.
HELLO!

There is no person

on the ballot

who, come November,

Trump will not smother.

№ 785: Whose Revolution Was It, Anyway?

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LOOKIN' BADDER (February 4)

(With apologies to Graham Nash.)

We are in a royal mess,

we are swirling down the drain

with this presidential Fascist 

It's a slide

While the HAP-less Dem-o-crats

indulge their stupid spats

instead of unifying ‘round

a single gal or guy

They can’t change a thing

with their bic-ker-ing

We're dying
Dems don't get it

Fuzzy thinking id-i-ots,

heads buried in the sand,

they're ig-nor-ing all re-al-it-y,

thereby guar-an-tee-ing that 

this dis-gust-ing lump

will remain in office

in-DEF-IN-at-ly

They can’t change a thing

with their sim-per-ing

We’re dying. They say they believe in justice

We’re dying. They say they believe in freedom
We're dying. This was an Ayn Rand line

We’re dying. Rules and regulations . . . we need ‘em

We’re dying on the floor

Trump believes that he can rule

entirely by decree

Roberts and the cohort courts agree

From the plastic-poisoned oceans

to our trash left on the moon

the only thing they think about:

cash ar-IS-toc-racy,

which has changed the world,

rearranged the world

Dems let them. They say they believe in justice

Dems let them. They say they believe in freedom
Dems let them. This was an Ayn Rand line

Dems let them. Rules and regulations . . . we need ‘em

We’re dying on the floor

№ 784.1: EXTRA! Die Away, Ioway?

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THE  TWILIGHT OF DEMOCRACY ZONE (February 4)

(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

What a blow,

way to go,

no way Ioway

You were not supposed to make us cry

I can’t get out of bed

and I wish that I was dead

we might as well kiss our ass good-bye

In elections the vote count

is extremely paramount

such a mess you can not justify

So let me be perfectly clear,

forget Des Moines

let's get to New Hampsheer.

[Think Anthony and corn field. That was, of course, Ohio, but as a New Yorker, I do distinguish between these places. — Proprietor]

№ 782: A New Christian Prayer (heaven on Earth, ripped from the deadlines)

HOLY APPROPRIATE (January 30)

Let us now pray. Jesus, inspire us.

Please give the Dems coronavirus.

Strike them down dead, dispatch them to hell

along with the Muslims. Hispanics as well.

And also the Mormons. (For Romney's Trump tactics.)

Plus dopey Pope Francis and LIB-ER-EL Catholics.

If you choose to spare Jews, please send them elsewhere.

Eretz Israel instead of near here.

As for all the others who we can't tell apart,

if you “disappear” them, it would be a start

at making the world one White Christian nation

for north Europeans. (With no taxation.)

If you could do this it would be so nice.

We'd have no need for Paradise

We could live on — on Earth! — forever.

Foregoing death. AND heaven. Whatever.

№ 780: Revelation In Senate (for friends with benefits)

THE SENATE PIT (January 28)

Jesus (in glory) descends on the Senate,

commanding John Roberts, “SIT down!

You are not worthy of judging my Donnie.

Nor are the rest of you clowns!”

While seraphim gambol, blowing their cornets

and angels sing Hallejuellas,

Jesus seizes the Dems by their horns

saying, “I am returning to rule ya!

“No more abortion, to hell with gay rights, 

women get barefoot and pregnant.

And don’t even mention ‘one man one vote’.

The notion, to me, is repugnant.

“You can forget the ungodly idea

of freely electing your leaders.

Read my lips! ‘KINGDOM of Heaven.’

Democracy’s not for believers.

“And what makes you think ‘all men are equal’?

Totally stupid idea!

Of course I play favorites. (Hint: NOT the Jews).

Have you paid no attention all of these years?

“I’m back, I’m proud, I’m White, I’m loud,

I speak English, NOT Aramaic.

Whoever suggests I do otherwise,

I herewith condemn to Passaic

“or Lodi or somewhere in Jersey

with devils and Kushners and Christie.

Ah, happy days then . . . the Trenton State Pen . . .

It makes me tearful and misty.

“I HAVE RETURNED.

I REIGN SUPREME.

I CALL THE SHOTS.

(Ya know what I mean?)

“Donnie and Jesus.

Jesus and Donnie.

Who’s conning who?

Sing, ‘Hey, nonny-nonny!’”

№ 772: Trump Is Just A Four Letter Word

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SLOUGH OF DESPOND (January 16)

(with apologies to Bob Dylan)

Seems as tho' the GOP lost its collective mind,
either that or they de-cid-ed, “better to be blind”
Donnie knows this con-stit-u’ncy
will ig-nore his lax mor-al-it-y
so long as his ev’ry ap-point-ee
en-for-ces their re-lig-i-os-ity 
no way 
of making Donnie ever go away

Outside of Dem-o-crats (some who might be worse),
no one an-y-where can free us of this curse
Of can-did-ates, there were — at least — a score,
al-most ev'ry one a bore
with whom Donnie’d mop the floor
as in des-per-a-tion, Dems search for 
some way 
of making Donnie somehow go away

Dem’s never know it’s time to go when their ammo's spent
Donnie’s crowd is “loud and proud” and they do not relent
They’ve got guns and the Dems have none 
come High Noon showdown Dems are done
So Dems sit back and sip some good Bordeaux
no point in fighting toe-to-toe
no way 
of somehow making Donnie go away

Though Nancy did her level best, impeachment can not work,
not with Mitch and GOP backing up the jerk
The high crimes and mis-de-mean-ors clause
is not enough to even give them pause
because they know Donnie knows no law
and if he did, they know that he’d ig-nore,
(no matter that the whole wide world de-plored)
anyone or anything he saw as moored 
in his way 
and to-tal-ly refuse to go away

Re-mem-ber how we were taught no one's above the law
A pretty thought that counts for naught as Donnie clearly saw
Now that Donnie's found Ar-tic-le II
there is no tell-ing what he’ll do
with his short attention span and shorter fuse
and his pred-i-lec-tion to ab-use
given the Su-preme Court’s skew-er-ed views, 
I’d say
there is no way that Donnie goes away