№ 539: The Twain Meet (the second date)

With apologies to Cole Porter. 

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I love Kim.

And I tell you this is not some whim.

Though he may be a murderer, a horrible dictator,

his people love him like mine love me — albeit mine love greater.

I envy how he gets to rule without a legislature.

Yes, I love Kim.

Of all the tyrants that I've met within my presidancy

since the day that I took up my White House residancy,

Kim, I gotta tell ya, is the one who I most fancy.

Oi, I love Kim.

I love Kim.

I kenna tell ya how much I love him.

He kills at will just as they do in beautiful Araby

and in China, Russia — no ifs, no buts, no maybes.

I wonder how he would dispatch our Democrat crybabies.

Yes, I love Kim.

When I meet with my dear Kim my heart goes all a flutter.

He so reminds me of Roy Cohn I almost turn to butter.

And, no, I am no fag, so get your mind out of the gutter.

But I love Kim.

№ 514: TCCN EXCLUSIVE: A Report From A White House Bathroom Mirror

EXCLUSIVE! BREAKING NEWS: Theatrical Cement Company News, Ink., the apparent company of The Daily Doggerel, has exclusively received the following exclusive from a White House bathroom mirror which requested anonymity for fear of being shattered. 

(with apologies to Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim)

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I had a dream, a dream about you, Donnie.

It's gonna come true, Donnie.

I like your hairdo, and Donnie,

things are swell, news is FAKE!

We are making America quake!

Open lips, don't disclose.

Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.

Press and Dems are real jerks!

Mayhem for us always works.

Grab her hips. Muss her clothes.

Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.

Now's our inning. I think everyone's clear.

We're still winning as we were from the beginning!

No one can make us stop.

Because I'm the guy at the top.

We're still swell. We're still great.

I can tell. It's our fate.

Mueller doesn't even have a clue!

Donnie, everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

You can do it, all you need is a hand.

We can do it, Donnie is gonna see to it!

No one can make us stop.

Because I'm the guy who's on top.

I can tell, wait and see.

There's the bell! Follow me!

And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!

Donnie, everything's coming up towers and new hotels!

Everything's coming up Putin and Kim Jong Un!

Everything's gonna be Space Corps and border walls!

Everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

№ 432: The Parties Come Together (estranged bedfellows)

Remember when Republicans said,
“Sex, except in the marital bed,
was grievously sinful and therefore forbidden
and that such sin should never be hidden.”?

Remember when only Democrats thought
love and/or sex should be openly sought
provided so doing caused no pollution
and did not screw with the Constitution?

№ 343: A Letter To Dems Who Just Do Not Get It

Though it would have been rude

for Vlad to intrude

in the U.S. election,

let us end the confusion

and acknowledge collusion. . . 
is beyond our means of detection
and, therefore, out of the question.

Oh, sure Vlad's had some laughs

and keeps framed photographs

from the tape made

at that Moscow hotel.

Whether Donald was there —

that sure looks like his hair —

does not make a difference,

his voters don't care.

Although they know
they are no better off,

they really adore

how he pisses you off.

No. 249: The GOP Path Forward

Dems gotta admit to their chagrin

our GOP's free of original sin.

Republican sin from time aboriginal

has never been the least bit original.

Any sin our Grand Old Party commits

is “in God's name”. (Which He permits.)

God loves sinners. God loves boozers,

God loves winners. God hates losers.

Through trial, tribulation, locusts and famine

we've striven to serve both God and Mammon.

The trick is to stick to what's tried and true

never — but NEV-ER! — try anything new.

Keep on, keeping on, do what you're doin'.

Onliest way to avoid certain ruin.

Lost? Don't change course. Drive faster and faster.

Changing direction is courting disaster.

Whenever you encounter a setback,
blame it on a Mexican wetback
or anyone with a natural tan
who, unlike you, is not pale and wan.

No. 236.1: EXTRA! Congress Taxes Belief

It was supposed to be a tax cut for manufacturers. Then it got out of control.

The wildly popular manufacturing break, passed in 2004, is a case study in the unforeseen consequences of changing the tax code — how companies take advantage of gaping holes and force the government to play catch-up.

— NYT: In a Complex Tax Bill, Let the Hunt for Loopholes Begin (Paywall)

As members of Congress

we have to confess

when dealing with taxes

we make a mess.

This, sadly, applies

across the aisle,

for both parties fall

for lobbyists' guile

and at their urging

write into law

clauses we have no idea

what they're for

only to find

sooner, not later,

we've created another 

revenue crater,

leaving the government

so short of cash

that it invites

all things to crash.

Bridges and highways

crumble while

we go on TV

pretending to smile,

saying with US

all will be well

while with THEM

it'll be hell.

No wonder voters

get disaffected.

Not that it matters

if we're reelected.

The country's secure,

safe from defeat,

only while each of us

keeps his or her seat.

No. 225.1: EXTRA! Alabama Results (a temporary GOP setback)

With Roy Moore at last in the past,

having succeeded in defeating this creep,

Democrats, exhausted, en masse

close their eyes and go back to sleep.

While Bannon, Trump and their GOP

lick wounds and nurture their hurt,

Democrats resuming complacency,

sit back and burp after dessert.

Winning or losing Republicans always

continue planning and scheming.

Losing Dems spend days in hazes

and after winning, preening.

For Dems, a win means they’re in clover.

Win or lose, GOP knows it’s never over.

No. 225: The Symbols Clang

And lo, it came to pass

the “Democrat” Party's symbol's an ass,

which, as they taught us in school,

is certainly not the same as a mule.

Mules are born sterile.

When unattended, asses go feral.

And could it be relevant

the Republican Party's symbol's the elephant,

which in a blink

could go extinct,

for Republican celebrants

live to shoot elephants?