№ 807.1: EXTRA! Goin' Viral

Trump’s frustration with coronavirus: He can’t make a deal with it (Paywall)

WASHINGTON —  By his own account, President Trump never met a political or business rival or problem he couldn’t sweet-talk or club into submission with tariffs, threats or tweets.

But the new coronavirus outbreak that has killed 11 Americans so far, unleashed panic in communities and financial markets, led to emergencies in California and two other states, and ultimately could threaten Trump’s reelection bid, has posed a unique challenge to the president’s credibility and his administration’s managerial competence.

“A virus is not to be dominated. A virus is not somebody you get into a room and beat up on,” said Gwenda Blair, a Trump biographer who has studied his mindset for decades.

THE VOID BETWIXT THE WISPS OF HAIR (March 7)

I met with the virus, he’s a really great guy

despite what you may have heard.

It’s not exactly that we fell in love.

(Even I know that is absurd.)

I know, as a virus, he can’t send me letters,

but I bet if he could they’d be bew-t-ful

and that he’d agree to cease all activity

with words both soothing and dutiful

to a guy like me who he admires

and, in so many ways, would admit he aspires

to be his best friend since I, too, am a virus.

№ 807: The Lug's Prayer

NATIONAL CATHEDRAL (March 5) —

   For horror done in Washington,

  hollow/dead be TRUMP's name.

    Corruption fun. Nation undone.

    Unearthed hazards. Aggression.

     Tweeting away sullied the Fed.

  Increasing dread make us no better.

       Leading US into depression,

          unleash-èd evil, this man.

№ 806: Bernie's Lame Ent

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(with apologies to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards)

THE MORNING AFTER (March 4) — 
How can the country be a-scared of me?
I am just a naive Vermontee
who cannot be tamed
I say we should blame
the one-percent
and my accent
Goddamn, Soopah Toosday,
you were s’posed to seal my victory
Damn it, Soopah Toosday,
why you wanna hurt me?
Goddamn, Soopah Toosday,
you were s’posed to seal my victory
Damn it, Soopah Toosday,
why you gotta me?
You know that's not how it’s s’posed to be.

№ 805: What Donnie Tweets

US Federal Reserve makes emergency interest rate cut

Central bank moves to protect economy from coronavirus outbreak

The US Federal Reserve has slashed interest rates in an emergency move to protect the world’s largest economy from the coronavirus outbreak, ramping up the global response as the disease spreads.

Launching the emergency measure as a pre-emptive strike to protect the US economy after pressure from Donald Trump to act . . . .

Jerome Powell, its chair, said: “Of course the ultimate solutions to this challenge will come from others, particularly health professionals. We can and will do our part, however, to keep the US economy strong as we meet this challenge.”

As the economic costs mount in a pivotal US election year, Trump said the Fed had not cut rates enough and should go further. Powell insisted the emergency move was not in response to the president’s pressure. “We are never going to consider any political considerations whatsoever,” he said.

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(with apologies to John Lennon and Paul McCartney)

DONNIELAND (March 3) —

What Donnie tweets, tweets

What Donnie tweets 

“MUST REDUCE THE INTEREST RATE”

That's what Donnie tweets

Donnie don't care about the fate

of people in the street

Donnie, he just cares for money

So do what Donnie tweets

Maybe you're sick and need health care

He's “SO SAD” for you

Donnie cares more about his hair

than he cares 'bout you

Donnie, he just cares for money

So do what Donnie tweets

What Donnie tweets, everybody knows it's so

What Donnie tweets, oh, oh, oh, oh

Donnie tweets: “KILL OBAMACARE

and I'll be satisfied”

Donnie tweets: “It would be fair

if the poor all died”

Donnie, he just cares for money

So do what Donnie tweets

(musical bridge)

What Donnie tweets, everybody knows it's so

What Donnie tweets, oh, oh, oh, oh

Donnie tweets Article II appears

to declare him king

Donnie tweets: “Virus DISAPPEARS 

with the warmth of Spring”

Donnie, he don't care 'bout people

So do what Donnie tweets

What Donnie tweets, tweets

What Donnie tweets, oh 
 ————————
See "Who is Sangah Noona"

№ 804: Bernie Sanders Chipmunk Song

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(with apologies to Ross Bagdasarian Sr. (David Seville))

IMAGINE (March 1) —
Soopa Toosday time is here
Second tier has disappeared
Those remaining should get lost
I will win it all becoss
I say “Medicare For All“
means a landslide in the Fall
Donald Trump I will castrate
when I’m the candidate
—————————
The Chipmunk Song courtesy of Skill Express Karaoke

№ 803: Know Thyself

ANYWHERE (March 1) —

Anytime, anyplace the way things fall out, 

you just have to wonder what life’s all about.

Is there a meaning, is there a plan?

Did something just say, “I AM THAT I AM”?

Your optimist is delusional,
and, consequentially, stressed.

Your pessimist, though less in thrall to illusions,
is, nonetheless, also depressed.

Your realist says, “Business as usual,

get out of bed and get yourself dressed.
Do what you can, avoid what you can’t,

and never forget: YOU ARE AN ANT!

A creature so noble, so beyond reproach,

far, far above a lowly old roach.”