№ 497: The Trump Waltz

(with apologies to Alec Wilder, Morty Palitz and Bill Engvick)

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Trump must build a wall

cuz he's mad

build it super tall

cuz he's sad

“None can refuse

greatness must last

we win they lose

there is no past”

Though it must be just

for today

like Ozymandias

you might say

So great the lies

no one's surprised

this is our demise

it's so sad

“None can refuse

greatness must last

we win they lose

there is no past”

Walls you know are just

for today
they're just made of dust

and of clay

So great his lies

no one's surprised

that the country dies

cuz he's mad

Ozymandias II | by Bill Sargent

№ 496: A Matter Of Decree — The President Addresses The Nation (tomorrow the world?)

Due to the flaws

in all of our “laws”

the best people agree

I should rule by decree.

Since I, alone,

know what is best,

I told Congress,

“Give it a rest.”

Steve Miller tells me

I have the power.

Therefore, commencing

at this precise hour

every American —

everywhere, everyday —

must forever do

whatever I say.

I've shut down the courts.

You cannot appeal.

If you need to know more

read The Art Of The Deal.

The Federal Reserve

I've ordered to close.

I will not tolerate

being opposed.

Media outlets?

Sealed with large locks.

Except Murdoch papers

and stations of FOX.

To the police:

fire at will.

Specifically:

shoot solely to kill.

Henceforth, so my glory
is rightly displayed:
each year on my birthday,
a BIGLY a parade
in every city, 
village and town.
And if people insist
I'll accept the crown.

All appearing before me

will have to kneel.

Forehead on floor

I think ideal.

Mike Pence resigned

so he could. . .whatever. . .

He is not needed,

we gods live forever.

№ 495.1: EXTRA! Spurring Partner

NYT : Did a Queens Podiatrist Help Donald Trump Avoid Vietnam? (Paywall)

Elysa Braunstein said the implication from her father was that Mr. Trump did not have a disqualifying foot ailment. “But did he examine him? I don’t know,” she said.

For decades, Dr. Braunstein saw patients in a congested ground-floor office below Edgerton Apartments in Jamaica, Queens, one of dozens of buildings owned by the Trumps in the 1960s.

TCC NEWS EXCLUSIVE! Theatrical Cement Company News, the parent company of The Daily Doggerel, has exclusively obtained the doctor's note future president Donald Trump presented to his draft board which then found him unfit to serve in the military. Some experts declared off the record and not for attribution that if Mr. Trump is still suffering from this painfully serious and totally debilitating condition, it would render him unfit to serve as president.

Dr. Blaustein's note, written on Trump Company stationary,  reads as follows:

Please excuse bearer

from military service

he has bone spurs

and guns make him nervous.

In addition to which

his daddy's a rich

real estate gent

who lowered my rent.

№ 495: White House Christmas Mourning (a TCC News EXCLUSIVE!)

Donnie knew he was good. (Despite what he did.)

Down where it counted, deep in his soul.

So he was happy on Christmas Day

to find in his stocking a large lump of coal

delivered by Santa in his diesel pickup

with eight tiny reindeer, field-dressed and trussed up.

Donnie imagined the only thing cooler:

instead of reindeer, Khashoggi'd Bob Mueller.

№ 494: A Trumpy Little Christmas

New York Magazine: Donald Trump Hates Christmas Parties

One person close to the White House told me, “It makes perfect sense” that Trump hates the entire production surrounding Christmas, “because it’s not about him!” This person added, “If it were about him, he’d love it. Christmas is not about him.”

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(with apologies to Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane)

Have yourself a miserable Christmas

I can't really see

Any good in celebrating anything but me

Have yourself a miserable Christmas

Make the Yuletide gay

Tell Mike Pence that is not a word I say

We're going back to beholden days

People-sold-in days before

Democrats who are Socialists

cared about “the poor”

Someday soon I will build a wall

If Nancy will allow

Until then I'll keep immigrants at bay somehow

And they'll have a miserable Christmas now.

№ 493: A Christmas Heath

Lear on the heath

had he tweeted on Twitter

would he in his grief

been as bitter

as Donald 
at Mar a Lago:

“Alone, all alone,

alone at the Yule!

Force-ed to play

the King and the Fool.
My Kingdom for
a news embargo,
with no MSNBC
to criticize me.
On them the pox.
I love my FOX.
They know I rule.
They are my Fool.”

№ 492.4: EXTRA! Happy Holidays From Donald J. Trump

Guardian: Trump's 'Merry Christmas' pledge fails to manifest at his own businesses

Despite railing against political correctness, the word ‘Christmas’ is curiously absent from Trump’s stores, restaurants and hotels

Trump International hotel and tower, half a mile from Trump Tower, has used the term Christmas three times on Twitter in the past eight years. It has used “holidays”, in relation to the season, more than a dozen times.

Trump Tower has similarly betrayed the president’s hardline Christmas stance. “Happy Holidays from Trump Tower!” the building’s Twitter feed exhorted in December 2016 – a month after Trump’s election victory should have represented the final blow in the Christmas war. It has used the phrase twice this month alone.

Why the bother?

What is the fuss?

What's the big deal

about — is it — Christmas?

Some guy gets born

in some stable shed?

He was a foreigner

and now he's dead?!
So he's some sort of hero?
I'm sorry, I've
got a preference 
for heroes alive.

[updated 12/23/2018 3:33 pm]