917: Live Free And Die

American bikers’ display of free-dumb is yet another reason to keep our border closed (Paywall)

When the 80th annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally opens Aug. 7 in South Dakota, it will probably be the largest gathering of humanity anywhere in the world this year. Organizers expect a quarter of a million people to attend over its 10 days. 

“The City of Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is an icon of American Freedom and Independence,” said the City Council in a June press release that confirmed the rally would go ahead, despite daily increases in recorded cases of the COVID-19 virus.

American Free-dumb, more like. The Black Hills will be a petri dish of contagion, spreading back through the United States after the partying rally-goers return home in mid-August. Contact tracing will be near-impossible and pointless.

LIBERTARIANVILLE (August 6) —

I’d rather be on a slab in the morgue

than to cover my mouth with a mask. It

is my choice, I choose to live free.

Also, I got a great deal on a casket.

So I infect others? Boohoo! Too bad.

It's a free country. YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!

If you choose to suck in my air,

and get stuck by the virus, I don’t really care

about you and your kind, you sissy sod.

Stay out of my way and hands off my Hog.

916: Donnie Rates Himself Vs The “Competition”

STATE OF CONFUSION (August 5) —

Their's lotsa presidents lots worsen me.

For one there’s Attila the Hun,

who is president (I think) in Hun-gar-y

where I hear no one has fun.

Then there’s DeGaulle whose nose isn’t small.

Someone said he isn’t Jewish.

And Indira Gandhi who rules in India.

They tell me she’s seen as shrewish.

There’s Carlos (maybe Juan?) something in Mexico

and somewhere, south of there, someone named Pedro.

And those guys in Africa . . . who remembers their names?

And some foreign countries are ruled by dames.

New Australia (I think) is one of them.

And maybe Helsinki whose capital’s Poland.

Wherever I look on the world map,

next to me everyone’s crap.

Except Russia. And, of course, Kim.

When I grow up, I wanna be him.

915: An Offer You Can't Refuse

Trump Says U.S. Should Get Slice of TikTok Sale Price (Paywall)

President says he told Microsoft’s Nadella that U.S. should get a cut ‘because we’re making it possible for this deal to happen’

TRUMPINITE SOCIAL CLUB (August 4) —

Dis TikTok ting, yez got goin’ here?

Be a shame if sumthin’ — well, you know . . . happened.

Maybe a fire? Sum broken wires?

Legs ’n thumbs started, I dunno, snappin’?

Wut I cn do is make shure your safe —

it’s kinda like bein’ insured —

jes’ gimme a bitta the cut — off th’ top —

’n all yer troubles are “cured”.

Click

914: Large Graft Warming

DENIAL NATIONAL PARK (August 3) —

The only reason they’re having this hurricane

is to make me look bad.

There’ll be lotsa wind, there’ll be lotsa rain.

Waste of effort. Pathetic. Totally SAD.

My people — wonderful folks — know I am not to blame

for anything bad that ever happens. And they know I am sane.

America’s number one stable genius. The smartest guy in the room.

Who has no need for facts and figures. Or Fauci and Birx presumed doom and gloom.

Who will never panic over some fake pandemic.

(Which is fading, so laugh it off.)

Who will never acknowledge racism’s systemic

and may even ask O. J. to come play some golf.

Who is not afraid of fake climate “science”.

(Global warming’s a Chinese-made myth.)

Who eschews clean air and water compliance.

Who always gets what he wants forthwith.

913: Tweet Storm Warning

NOAA HURRICANE CENTER (August 2) —

If Dems, afraid of Chinese diseases,

do not show up to vote,

while Republicans flock to the the polls even sneezing,

bye-bye Joe Biden — that’s all she wrote.

I propose postponing election

’til we are rid of Chinese infection.

Somebody told me Article II

permits me to do whatever I want to.

I intend to prevent insurrection

with no leftist anarchist avoiding detection.

Blah, blah, blah. So “BLACK LIVES MATTER!”?

Tear gas and flashbangs. See how they scatter,

before my glorious cammo-clad Stasi

and multifarious posses comitati.