Friday, February 21, 2020

№ 797: A Proclamation (from GOP patriarchy)

SHINING CITY OF THE HILL (February 20) 
God is straight, white, male, and Christian.
How could he be otherwise?
Pressed, we'll admit he started out Jewish
AND and hung around with Jewish straight guys
into his thirties. AND never married.
AND never actually worked.
He was a carpenter. NOT in the union.
Unions are strictly for shirkers.
And socialists. Like Sanders.
Who is also a Jew.
But Bernie is not THE SECOND COMING.
He, in our view, is more “# 2”.

Thursday, February 20, 2020

№ 796: Baby Bloomberg Revisited


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(with apologies to Bob Dylan)

REALM OF THE POSSIBLE (February 19) —
We are toast, despite Trump boasts, our future's past
We're in deep because this creep and his sad cast
of toadies, crooks, and Chris-ti-an fascists
to whom he's givin' all they ever wished
There really ain't nothin' more to say
ex-cept it's all over USA


With the nation fallin' deeper into senescence
shrinking in importance and in relevance,
attending closely to discordant tweets
from one who supp-ORTS White men in sheets
Too late for it all to go away
so it's all over now USA


With all those hapless Dem-o-crats, you gotta groan
Plannin' for a win that jes' ain’t gonna come
Promisin' the moon and maybe more,
sayin' if you want, you just ask for,
ignorin' we're fast closin' on doomsday
so it's all over now USA


With no sense Dems there is nothin' we can do
except hope maybe Bloomberg can still break through
though he's not ideal and he's a bore
about as colorful as was Al Gore
but given his opponents, I gotta say
he’s our best shot to make Trump go away

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

№ 795: An Optimistic Assessment

THE WAY IT IS (February 18) —
Optimism* is the root of all evil.
Optimists tend to start wars.
Pessimists, accepting they could face defeat,
do not advance. Though they often retreat.


Optimists think “higher, faster”.
They believe, “It can be done!”
Pessimists ponder, “Four balls? A walk?”
Optimists think, “I'll hit a homerun.


The optimist knows if you can conceive it,
there is no reason you cannot achieve it.
The pessimist reasons existence is cursed;
despite intentions you might make things worse.


Had pessimists “won” we’d be still in the trees,
swinging and free from most modern unease.
To be candid, Candide’s can-do att-i-tude
had to win out. We are so screwed.
——————
*Hitler was the most unabashed doe-eyed optimist of the last hundred years. That’s why he was the biggest monster....[E]very morning, Adolf Hitler woke up, made himself a cup of ​​coffee, and asked himself how to make the world a better place....Mao? Optimist. Stalin? Optimist. Pol Pot? Optimist....[N]o matter where you happen to live or when you happen to be born, when someone rises up and promises that things are going to be better, run. Hide. Pessimists don’t build gas chambers.
— Shalom Auslander, Hope: A Tragedy

Tuesday, February 18, 2020

№ 794.1 EXTRA!: You Get A Pardon And You Get A Pardon And Everyone Gets A Pardon

Trump Grants Clemency to Rod Blagojevich, Bernard Kerik and Michael Milken (Paywall)
The president also pardoned or commuted the sentences of eight others on Tuesday, including Edward DeBartolo, a former owner of the San Francisco 49ers.

END TIMES (February 18) —
If John Wilkes Booth had had a trial,
it would not have been fair.
then, as now, FAKE NEWS with truth
plays fast and loose demanding the noose . . .
I say all's fair in love and warfare.
Booth did what I did with Soleimani,
what Putin does with most anybody,
what MBS did with Khashoggi
what REAL LEADERS do. (Somebody told me.)

Therefore, here, in the Trump White House Garden,
I, hereby and herewith, issue this pardon.
I do this not only because I am considerate,
but also because Booth was a Confederate.
A hero to whom someone should raise a statue.
(To my friends in THE SOUTH, “Right back at you.”)

№ 794: Some Perspective


Are We Living in a Simulated World? (Paywall)

Probably not, but the idea is just crazy enough to be worth taking seriously.


MAYBE (February 17) —
If
ALL THIS is
is a simulation
and nothing 
REALLY
exists,
why care at all about
Donald J. Trump?
(Or any other 
toxic prognosis?)

Why care at all about border walls?
Whether he rises, whether he falls?
Is divinely inspired or devil's spawn?
A beginning, THE ENDor denouement?

Were Donnie to vanish, as if by magic,
if the gods hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete,
if the system rebooted, would it better suit us
if Donnie were turned into dead meat?

Some winners would “lose”,
some losers would “win”
as LIFE requires.
(Even for viruses.)

Monday, February 17, 2020

№ 793: The American Century

HERE AND NOW (February 16) —
Can we accept it's all over?
The American Century’s dead?
That we, the new not so great Britain,
may get disunited in decades ahead?

Can we accept the South won THE war
and, generally, Lee was its hero?
That our unprecedented president’s flaws
show him to be the quintessence of Nero,
that rabid emperor whose total distemper
disrupted first century Rome?
(Without McConnell's friendship with benefits,
Nero (their Donald) was sacked by the Senate.)