No. CXX: The GOP Theory Of No Government

The Second Amendment, since you inquire,

is the one we Republicans most admire.
The one, furthermore, in our estimate,

the whole Constitution must emulate.

(And, no, this is not about only gun freedom.
See our cards on the table? Weep as you read 'em!)

Since ALL legislation sticks in our craw,

under us, the Congress shall make NO law.

(Except, of course, you know...that is...

to dictate precisely how everyone lives.)

Laws passed (in error) when Dems get elected,

we will see expeditiously vivisected.

We believe in freedom, the RIGHT to choose.

We are the FAR RIGHT. When we win, you lose.

No. CXIX: Repeal Replace Stragedy

From: The Donald

To: McConnell

Mr. Majority “Leader”. What is the deal?

After your brilliant Supreme Court seat steal*,

I thought we were good with health care repeal?!

Collins, Murkowski? Those two! Again!

Those damned bitches are such a pain...

I have to rely on John McCain's "brain".

(With Pence who may any moment get "raptured",

I gotta depend on a guy that got captured!)

Gotta repeal Amendment 19.

Women voting, Founding FATHERS! would find obscene.

Women are fine. In their place. If not pushy.

(For when you feel like grabbing some [REDACTED].)

I think that's all. At least for now.

Love workin' with your wife, Elaine Chao†.

A seven! When younger, I bet...a WOW! 

____________________

*Not to worry how that one'll look

in your great-great-great grandkids history book.
†Secretary of Transportation.

No. CXVIII: Sperm Count Decline (a GOP response)

Guardian: Sperm counts among western men have halved in last 40 years – study

Reasons for the ‘shocking’ drop are unclear, say researchers, and represent a huge and neglected area of public health

OMG! THEY've corrupted our bodily fluids!

Call EMS! No wait! Call the Druids!

We need to tap into our roots Anglo-Saxon

before Libs and Dems insist there's a tax on.

Oh? You say a Druid's a Celt?

And, therefore, rhymes with F. D. Roosevelt?
Commies, commies, why can't our mommies

protect us from all these Obami-

nations. Oh dear, I've wet my jammies.

If PURE western sperm is reduced to a wheeze,
how long before we're all Chinese?
JEEZ!

No. CXVII: What's It All About, Donald?

Trum-panic?

Manic.

Trump-quisition?

Traumatic.

Trum-pocalypse?

Emphatic.

Something ain't right up in the attic.

Uncouth from youth, 

unencumbered by truth.

Spewing BS — two hundred proof.

No. CXVI: Why Obamacare Repeal Stalled

Guardian: 'Female senators' to blame for health bill struggle, says Republican congressman

Blake Farenthold of Texas appears to suggest that if those senators were male, he might challenge them to a duel ‘Aaron Burr-style’

Blake Farenthold criticized ‘female senators
from the north-east’ over the bill’s failure to pass.
Photograph: Jacquelyn Martin/AP 

Blake, Blake,

for heaven's sake!

A stud like you

(see photo view)

knows what to do.

(How to vote, too!)

But women-folk—well,

from what I hear tell,

if you can't refute 'em

you want to shoot 'em?

(That harassment report,

you settled out of court?
That kind of sex is
what y'all do in Texas?)

Use charm and be winsome.

That's how you convince 'em.

Make pals with them gals

from different locales.

And you will note

now they get to vote

gals hold to the tenet

they belong in the Senate!?

And once they gets in

(hold onto your Stetson),

they won't always do

what guys tell 'em to.

Though it is a trevail,

you will prevail.

See The Handmaid's Tale.

No. CXV: Bye Breed Alone

it takes three weeks to make a house mouse
and three times that for a cat

nine months in a womb

will turn out a human

(undoubtedly due  

to illumined acumen

an elephant takes twenty-two)

© Copy right. Reproduction in any form, if not prohibited, should, at least, be discouraged.

No. CXIV.II: EXTRA! Close enough?

USA Today: Anthony Scaramucci to be White House communications director

Excyclopædia Britannica: Scaramouche, Italian Scaramuccia, stock character of the Italian theatrical form known as the commedia dell’arte; an unscrupulous and unreliable servant. His affinity for intrigue often landed him in difficult situations, yet he always managed to extricate himself, usually leaving an innocent bystander as his victim. [Emphasis added.]

Scarmouche? Scarmucci?

He is not Steve Doocy.

He's a different fact-free loosey-goosey.

No. CXIV.I: EXTRA! Lock him up, lock him up!

The American Conservative: Trump’s Self-Pardon? Seriously?

USA Today: Trump freaked out on Christie because of cellphone germs?

Trump's pardoning “selfie”? A fraught decision.
Better to make Mar a Lago a prison.

No need to borrow Chris Christie's phone.

Donnie could tweet @DT @home.

No. CXIV: Health Insurance (the GOP view)

What IS the bother? Why all this FUSS?

The uninsured do not vote for us!

They are not our concern. Why should we cry?

It is so much simpler to just watch them die.

No. CXIII.I: EXTRA! Recording Sessions?

WSJ: Sessions Plans to Remain in Post After Rebuke by Trump (Paywall)
U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he plans to remain as attorney general after President Trump said he was disappointed that he recused himself from matters related to the Russia probe.  

Did Donald just suggest that Jeff Sessions

should follow his ancestors' bid for secession?

Previously, had this duo agreed

if they disagreed, Jeff would secede,

leave DC clamor, Trump golden glamour,

abandon grammar and go back to 'Bama

to yammer and stammer alone in camera.

Oh, if only, “I had a hammer...”

No. CXIII: RNC GOP Senate Fix

The RNC decrees new GOP shoes

to prevent even the teensyest bruise,

from repeatedly shooting ourselves in the feet

with each self-inflicted Senate defeat.

The uppers, of course, will be U.S. Steel
providing protection from toe to heel.

(Okay, okay! Rounds may ricochet.

We'll get to that some other day.)

No. CXII.I: EXTRA! The Law Of The Living (?) Dead

WaPo: Trump challenges senators to resurrect Obamcare repeal effort: ‘We’re close’ (Paywall)

Hoping to avoid a humiliating political defeat, President Trump on Wednesday demanded that Republican senators resume their efforts to approve a plan to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, insisting that lawmakers are “very close.”

it's never here

it's never there

it's never dead

it's Trump's Zombiecare

No. CXII: GOP Repeal And Replace (or how to fail spin)

Good thing — the fail of repeal and replace?

No one can say it was “all about race”.

So, you Lib-er-als, “There! IN. YOUR. FACE!”

Though in GOP we deny evolution,

survival of fittest (us!) is our solution.

Everyone else? Genetic pollution.

Long story short: this is all about us.

Nothing else here we need to discuss.

Welcome aboard. (There's the back of the bus.)

No. CXI: McConnell-Ryan Healthcare

The thinking behind barring the poor

from having healthcare insurance:

they don't vote for us,

so let 'em fuss.

Plus it's too hard to keep 'em from votin',

it's much more efficient to kill 'em.

No. CX: Trump 101

Donald's “secret” ingredient?

Doing whatever's expedient.

Plus he's unable to recognize

a difference between the truth and his lies.

(It worked in his businesses — AND with his wives!?)

No. CVIX: The Trump-penny (Soap) Opera

If commander-in-chief were...well..."debriefed",

who would breathe a sigh of relief?

We'd get the Veep who is also a creep.

(A different kind, but...never mind.)

Good grief! It beggars belief.

No. CVIII: Clean Up Aisle 6!

COSMOS:

Is a sixth mass extinction already happening?

While new research suggests that a sixth mass extinction is underway and even more severe than was previously thought, other scientists say that alarmism won’t help conservation efforts.

Climate warming?

Bees not swarming?

Disaster brewing?

Is this of our doing?

There is no vacation

from annihilation.

Nothing distinct

about going extinct.

Don't make no diff, 
awake or nappin'.

Whatever will happen, 
is going to happen.

No. CVII: Something Up His Sleeve?

Guardian:
Republican dress code is straight out of The Handmaid’s Tale

The party is already making women’s lives miserable with its healthcare bill – now it’s kicking them out of the speaker’s lobby for baring their arms. In her weekly advice column, our style expert asks what’s next in this brave new world? (Click)

Washington Examiner:
Guardian reporter completely botches article blaming Paul Ryan for the dress code in the House

The dress code, which applies to the Speaker's lobby only, is not new, nor was it crafted by GOP lawmakers....The only reason anyone is talking about the code now is because Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wisc., is House Speaker and because members of the press who are not from Washington, D.C., apparently don't know a damn thing about Congress. (Click)

No need to panic, no call for alarm,

if Puritan Ryan fears a woman's bare arm.

How, after all, can a guy legislate

with female flesh (as it were) "on his plate".

Alt-Right rebuttal to Guardian thesis is

a load of crap which (deliberately?) misses

the point (if you are paying attention)

which is that GOP has no intention

of regarding anything female without condescension.

No. CVI: "Related" Stories?

WSJ: Trump Jr. Met Russian Lawyer Who Claimed to Have Information on Hillary Clinton (paywall)

In a statement Sunday, Donald Trump Jr. said he didn’t know the lawyer’s name before the meeting, and said they were set up by an “acquaintance” from the 2013 Miss Universe pageant.

NASA: 2017 Total Eclipse Of The Sun

On Monday, August 21, 2017, all of North America will be treated to an eclipse of the sun.

As mansplain of Junior's Moscow hook-up unzips

could we be facing (finally) the Trumpocolypse?

Will Daddy have NASA make this son eclipse?

Mr. Trump jr., one question?

I don't mean to be cute,

but when you say "acquaintance" 

do you mean prostitute?

(I know, I know...it was all for fun

and after all, like father, like son?)

No. CV: Hamburger Helper?

Guardian: Australian journalist demolishes Trump at G20: 'biggest threat to the west'

Reporter Chris Uhlmann’s commentary tearing into American president – a man with ‘no desire and no capacity to lead the world’ – reverberates to Washington

Vladimir said, “I did not hack.”

Donnie agreed and that made it “fact”.

(BUT taking the word of a lying dictator...

just how does that make America greater?)

When Donnie got up — to go make a tweet? —

Princess Ivanka plopped down in his seat.

The eyes of nineteen world leaders rolled.

Take your daughter to work day? They'd not been told.

Climate may change but Trump will not care,

so long as it has no affect on his hair.

Conniving, deceitful and on the make,

he loves being "genuine". (Which proves he's fake.)

What is it about his garish gold magic?

It would be comic. (If it weren't tragic.)

It is not as if no one were aware.

The Emperor is naked. Does anyone care?

As yet we see few signs of panic

from the bridge of the manic S.S. Trumptanic,

sailing on from the city of Hamburg

uncertain whether it's ship or it's iceberg.

No. CIV: Trump v Thoreau

Trump, Donald John:

a consummate con,

a blowhard beyond comprehension.

When will supporters—

his sons, wives and daughters—

help to undo his ascension.

Thoreau's desperation*

would be a vacation

compared to this mass hypertension.
____________________
*"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

No. CIII: Liberal v Conservative

The Liberal elite

is—face it!—effete.

All “care”, unaware

of need to compete.

Conservatives live

for take with no give.

They define the divine

as “mine, mine—ALL mine”. 

No. CII: Ted Cruz

We'll know GOP is going to lose

on the return to Canada of Senator Cruz.

When he sees the worth

of the land of his birth

it will, I predict, be the sujbect of mirth.

Funnier yet, if this unpleasant Yale goober

follows his ancestry clear back to Cuba.

No. CI: Cause & Defects

Is Donald’s obsession with bodily fluids

the result of his descent from ancient Druids,

ancestors of his Scotland-born mother,

could that not explain...something or other?

(Speaking of Scots, does Don have a wee

bit of a thing for prostitute pee?)

His fear of blood (Mika's and Megyn's)

suggests a primitive psyche — probably pagan.

Is it simply that when you remove all the trappin's

you have to acknowledge it's just that shit happens

and we've got us a leader who has made a career

of inducing in others severe diarrhea?*

Judging from how his businesses fared

I'd say we've a right to be very scared.

_________________________
*Yes, I know. BUT...consider the source.