№ 762.2: EXTRA! THE Plan

IMPERIAL PALACE BUNK-ER (January 4)

Great Leader
Great Nation
Great War
That's what I'm aiming for
Something textbook
that will make the best book
that anyone ever saw
I'll be signing copies
with great aplomb
soon as my “ghost” writes 
The Art Of The Bomb

№ 762.1: EXTRA! The Donnie Doctrine (a wack job's whack job)

IMPERIAL PALACE BUNKER (January 3)

I learned from John Gotti. . .
also from Queens. . .
if you got an enemy
and you got the means,
what you gotta do,
without any doubt,
is first chance you get
is you take 'im out.

Then, preferably,
praise fulsomely
those who raise statues 
of Robert E. Lee.

№ 762: Anticlimatic

Australian bushfire crisis: global figures and media react to ‘climate emergency’

[Australian Prime Minister Scott] Morrison has been heavily criticised for deflecting any talk of climate change policy during the bushfire crisis. On Thursday, he accepted a link between reducing emissions and protecting the environment but said the government’s climate policies were adequate.

NEVER MINED (January 2)

Combat climate change?
WE. WILL. NOT. 
What is the point? 
Where's the profit?

Tax carbon emissions?
People will cheat.  
It's what we do. 
We can't stop it.

We'll muddle through.
That is our birthright.
And the last person left
will leave on the lights.

№ 761: The Last Democrat

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END OF THE LINE (January 1)

(with apologies to Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick) 

Must we vote for the last Democrat still standing?

(Dear me!)

Next candidate? Whoever “wins” a debate?

(Talk about being a bore!)

I don't think we can stand many more

All this waiting around

wond'ring who stands the slightest chance

If beating Trump is doomed in advance?

While we vote for the last Democrat

left standing

Start rehearsing the speech

conceding Trump's won a second term

and ana-lyze who is to blame

as we vote for the last Democrat

If she's too middle

will the hard lefties give a piddle?

A candidate who's not a bit socialist

will likely leave the lot of them pissed

Perhaps someone “down home”

like Joe Biden is our best hope

although at times 

he's such a dope

Is he too goofy

or could he cope?

So though it's scary

we'll vote for the last Democrat

O-kay, it won't be Tulsi

Liz and Bernie? Tar-gets for tweets

And far too easy for Trump to defeat

but we will vote for the last Democrat

If he has billions

that doesn't mean that he's a villain

even the poor ones are, in the main, millionaires

Long as they're not Donald we do not care

By restricting who votes

GOP makes chance remote

that we can win

or ever come close

so it's more Trump shoved down our throat

I pre-dict disaster

instead of the last Democrat

№ 760: Ivanka's Song

‘What an insult’: CES names Ivanka Trump as keynote speaker
Consumer-electronics trade show’s invitation of Donald Trump’s daughter draws outrage after years of overlooking women in tech


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THE IMPERIAL PALACE (December 31)

(with apologies to Cole Porter)

If I had a different dad,
I don't think you'd ever have known me
but as it is, I studied his biz
and copied what daddy's shown me
I use his name, I use his “fame”.
I trade on his phony-baloney
My skills are nil, but no one cares. . .still
I do all daddy's shown me
Yes, I do what daddy's shown me
which is — all of it! — bad,
Yes, I do what daddy has shown me
Da da da, da da da, da da da
So, maybe, before you enthrone me, 
which daddy tells ya is swell. . .
if we do what daddy's shown me
this, sure as hell, does not end well

[updated 1/1/2020 6:32 am to change non-functioning music link]

№ 759: Year-end Review (as always)

HIGH HORSE (December 30)

In the two to three thousand centuries

since we H. Saps. evolved,

we have achieved enormous advances,
contriving problems that we cannot solve.

Creative ideas? We've had a few.

Fewer than we like to think.

Human beings, although sometimes clever,

are not original. (Also, we drink.)

Yes, we tamed fire. Invented the wheel.

And we learned to bake bread.

(However, many rather than make it,

demand it daily — for free! — instead*.)

We conjured gods and theories and systems,

which explain nary a thing,

sorting ourselves into victors and victims

while ignoring the planet's well-being.

All agree: in progress we trust.

THAT is the problem. (Well, that and us.)

————————

*Matthew 6:11 (very tall for his ERA, though that is a different sport)

№ 758: Unhitched, Macabre And Gold-gilded

MARRED IN LARDO (December 29)


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(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart)

I'm a tool and my fans love it

At my rallies they take heart

when I tell all others, “Shove it”

And they think I'm smart

I am not a new sensation

Others may have got here first

But with suf-ficient appli-cation

I may be the worst

I'm wild again,

hair styled again

My both parents' most reviled child again

Unhitched, macabre and gold-gilded am I

Couldn't sleep

Why should I sleep

I tweet when lesser folk count their sheep

Unhitched, macabre and gold-gilded am I

Lost my mind but what of it?

Runs in my fam-ily

GOP voters love it

it's on them, not me

A pill I am

A shill I am

But GOP's happy and thrilled I am

unhitched, macabre and gold-gilded 

like me

They know I'm rot

Don’t care a jot

And they ac-knowledge I'm all they've got

Unhitched, macabre and gold-gilded am I

I lie to crowds

my words becloud

I say things others are not allowed

Unhitched, macabre and gold-gilded am I

When I talk I am thinking

how to make myself first 

Moralistically speaking

I am the very worst

Unchecked again,

non-Mexican

By God I will tweet sexist text again

Unhitched, macabre and gold-gilded am I