№ 802: Contingency Plan — Whistling Past The Graveyard

WHAT I SAY (February 27) —

Media hype.

“Virus” is FAKE.

It's just a cold

for heaven's sake.

“No virus!” says Limbaugh. 

He's a great guy

who’d never peddle

the least little lie.

No one is sick.

Well, nobody near.

If you show symptoms,

I'm outta here.

If everyone living

contracted this virus,

the fatality rate

would not expire us.

World death rate,

at worst, would equate

to less than half

of United States.

Whole damn thing
does not make sense.
Therefore, I handed it
off to Mike Pence.

Mikey, God bless 'im,

refuses to panic.

He booked a cruise

on the brand-new Titanic.

№ 801: Way To Go (NOT!)

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(with apologies to Meredith Wilson)

END OF THE LINE (February 26) — 

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

let me say it once again

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

is the man on whom we can depend

if Dems decide political immolation

will stop GOP destroying the nation

I can say without a moment of hesitation

Bernie’s just THE MAN
to fulfill the plan

Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,

not Bloomberg,
Klobuchar,
Buttigieg,
nor Liz,
nor Joe,

but Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
Bernie Sanders,
a total schmo

№ 800: A Lovely Little Virus (a Christian perspective)

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(with apologies to Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane)

WHEREVER GOOD CHRISTIANS CONGREGATE (February 26)  —
The world has got this lovely little virus,

lots are gonna die.

But since they're not Christians,

we don't hafta cry.

The world has got this lovely little virus,

we say due to gays.

But, with luck, maybe

it’s the end of days.

Golly-geez, but it's glorious,

Christ victorious.

At last!

Enemies sent to burn hell,

it'll be so swell.

A blast!

Someday soon, when we’re up in heaven,

riding on a cloud,

laughing, we'll see in hell the writhing crowd.

The world has got this lovely little virus now.

№ 799: Our (New) Gang Comedy

Putin as Russia’s supreme leader? A constitutional rewrite brings out some ‘crazy’ ideas. (Paywall)

How about declaring Putin Russia’s “Supreme Leader”? . . . Perhaps it’s time to work in wording to protect the purity of the Russian language, or elevate Russia’s “civilized identity” or preserve its “cultural patrimony”?

There are calls, backed by Putin, to rule out same sex-marriage and LGBT parental rights in the constitution.

Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Lee Adams an music by Charles Strouse)

NO KIDDING (February 25) —
DONNIE

One thing

one little thing

one thing you should know

you must know

I say so

DONNIE, VLAD, XI, KIM, VIKTOR, RODRIGO, RECEP,
NICOLAS, BORIS, BIBI, AND THE EVER GROWING
GANG OF IDIOTS
One thing

And that one thing is me

Yes, the one thing is me

One thing

when I am king

and rule MY country

forever

and ever

Who needs

dem-o-cra-cy?

DONNIE

One day, wait and see,

this is how it’s supposed to be

a strong man telling you

what you can and cannot do

DONNIE AND THE GANG

Some day

when we’re all kings

and rule forever

and ever and ever

One day

That’s the way it will be

That’s the way it will be

KING FOR ETERNITY

№ 798: Conservatives Never Write Protest Songs

REAL WORLD (February 24) —
Conservatives never write protest songs.

They don't waste their time

fretting over meter or metaphor.

They listen to neither reason nor rhyme.

Liberals, thinking they're ever so clever,
their heads in the cloud, sing loudly

incessantly, hoping to win hearts and minds.

Their view of reality? Well, never mind.

Liberals can't learn nor will they acknowledge
songs do not win the Electoral College.