Thursday, May 31, 2018

№ 346.1: EXTRA! Southern Batpist Cross Too Bare



Everyone knows Jesus was Baptist
not some kinda Jew, much less a Cath'lic.
If'n y'all cud jes' add our Confederate flag,
put him up on horseback so he don't look like a fag. . .
That, jes' mebbe, would make it awright.
Leastways y'all got it right 'n made 'im all white.

№ 346: A Sense Of An Endling

THE NEW YORKER: What Do You Call the Last of a Species?

When Robert Webster, a physician in Jasper, Georgia, died, in 2004, he was survived by his wife of more than half a century, two daughters, four grandchildren, and a single word, which he had coined himself: “endling,” defined as the last person, animal, or other individual in a lineage.

species will come species will go
happens all of the time doncha know
bacteria viruses animals plants
even the insects including the ants
everything soon or late goes extinct
creation aint writ in indelible ink

And guess who inherits the earth. (Click)

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

№ 345.1: EXTRA! Lowering The Barr

CNN Media: Roseanne Barr blames Ambien: 'I'm not a racist, just an idiot'

Roseanne Barr is blaming Ambien for her racist tweets and telling her fans, “I'm not a racist, just an idiot who made a bad joke.”


So. . . “idiot” Roseanne, taken aback,
claims she did not know Jarrett was black?
IF this is so, I guess Rosie's no racist
and what she says is just outerspacist.

All is forgiven. Kisses and hugs.
Not her fault at all. It's just her drugs.
No cause for worry unless The Donald
tweets that she's fatter than Rosie O'Donnell.
(And if he does, I guess Ms. Barr will
just have to take another pill.)

№ 345: To Trump's Unevenjellyskulls

You Evangelicals swear you deplore
the least whiff of Sodom and/or Gomorrah.
So then. . .how do you explain
your not holding Donald Trump in disdain?
After demi-God Reagan and Little Bush fails
your hoped-for theocracy crashed off the rails
and let in {{LIBERALS}} and all that entails?
Has absence of RAPTURE made you so tired of waitin'
that you're actively castin' your lot with this Satan?

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

№ 344: Trigger Warning

When Don Jr. and Eric are out big game hunting
and sight some beast through the scope,
the moment before pulling the trigger
do they see Dad?
We can only hope.

Photo credit: Live Outdoors
Can't change their spots?

Monday, May 28, 2018

№ 343.1: EXTRA! Indian Removal Act

Some in the U.S. conservative faction
are telling us Trump a retread of Jackson,
that murdering, slave-holding esteemed man of action.

On May 28 in “A.D” 1830 in fact,
Congress passed this disgraceful act*,
one of the nastiest ever enacted.

Old Hickory with his fine people's approval
set about Southeastern tribes removal:
long-settled peoples pushed off their farms
by this Indian-killer† with force of arms
and forced-marched to southwest infertile soil.
When, later, we found that land had oil,
we reneged on the deal (business as usual),
took back Oklahoma and made it a musical.

If you wish, turn your head and look away.
One more thing to forget this Memorial Day.

[Updated 5/28/2018, 10 pm]
______________
*Indian Removal Act, (May 28, 1830), first major legislative departure from the U.S. policy of officially respecting the legal and political rights of the American Indians. The act authorized the president to grant Indian tribes unsettled western prairie land in exchange for their desirable territories within state borders (especially in the Southeast), from which the tribes would be removed. The rapid settlement of land east of the Mississippi River made it clear by the mid-1820s that the white man would not tolerate the presence of even peaceful Indians there. Pres. Andrew Jackson (1829–37) vigorously promoted this new policy, which became incorporated in the Indian Removal Act of 1830.

Although the bill provided only for the negotiation with tribes east of the Mississippi on the basis of payment for their lands, trouble arose when the United States resorted to force to gain the Indians’ compliance with its demand that they accept the land exchange and move west.

A number of northern tribes were peacefully resettled in western lands considered undesirable for the white man. The problem lay in the Southeast, where members of what were known as the Five Civilized Tribes (Chickasaw, Choctaw, Seminole, Cherokee, and Creek) refused to trade their cultivated farms for the promise of strange land in the Indian Territory with a so-called permanent title to that land. Many of these Indians had homes, representative government, children in missionary schools, and trades other than farming. Some 100,000 tribesmen were forced to march westward under U.S. military coercion in the 1830s; up to 25 percent of the Indians, many in manacles, perished en route. The trek of the Cherokee in 1838–39 became known as the infamous “Trail of Tears” (see Cherokee). Even more reluctant to leave their native lands were the Florida Indians, who fought resettlement for seven years (1835–42) in the second of the Seminole Wars.

The frontier began to be pushed aggressively westward in the years that followed, upsetting the “guaranteed” titles of the displaced tribes and further reducing their relocated holdings.


©2018 Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.

Andrew Jackson: A man nicknamed “Indian killer” and “Sharp Knife” surely deserves the top spot on a list of worst U.S. Presidents. Andrew Jackson “was a forceful proponent of Indian removal,” according to PBS. Others have a less genteel way of describing the seventh president of the United States.

“Andrew Jackson was a wealthy slave owner and infamous Indian killer, gaining the nickname ‘Sharp Knife’ from the Cherokee,” writes Amargi on the website Unsettling America: Decolonization in Theory & Practice. “He was also the founder of the Democratic Party, demonstrating that genocide against indigenous people is a nonpartisan issue. His first effort at Indian fighting was waging a war against the Creeks. President Jefferson had appointed him to appropriate Creek and Cherokee lands. In his brutal military campaigns against Indians, Andrew Jackson recommended that troops systematically kill Indian women and children after massacres in order to complete the extermination. The Creeks lost 23 million acres of land in southern Georgia and central Alabama, paving the way for cotton plantation slavery. His frontier warfare and subsequent ‘negotiations’ opened up much of the southeast U.S. to settler colonialism.”

Andrew Jackson was not only a genocidal maniac against the Indigenous Peoples of the southwest, he was also racist against African peoples and a scofflaw who “violated nearly every standard of justice,” according to historian Bertram Wyatt-Brown. As a major general in 1818, Andrew Jackson invaded Spanish Florida chasing fugitive slaves who had escaped with the intent of returning them to their “owners,” and sparked the First Seminole War. During the conflict, Jackson captured two British men, Alexander George Arbuthnot and Robert C. Ambrister, who were living among the Seminoles. The Seminoles had resisted Jackson’s invasion of their land. One of the men had written about his support for the Seminoles’ land and treaty rights in letters found on a boat. Andrew Jackson used the “evidence” to accuse the men of “inciting” the Seminoles to “savage warfare” against the U.S. He convened a “special court martial” tribunal then had the men executed. “His actions were a study in flagrant disobedience, gross inequality and premeditated ruthlessness… he swept through Florida, crushed the Indians, executed Arbuthnot and Ambrister, and violated nearly every standard of justice,” Wyatt-Brown wrote.

In 1830, a year after he became president, Jackson signed a law that he had proposed – the Indian Removal Act – which legalized ethnic cleansing. Within seven years 46,000 indigenous people were removed from their homelands east of the Mississippi. Their removal gave 25 million acres of land “to white settlement and to slavery,” according to PBS. The area was home to the Cherokee, Creek, Choctaw, Chickasaw and Seminole nations. In the Trail of Tears alone, 4,000 Cherokee people died of cold, hunger, and disease on their way to the western lands.


№ 343: A Letter To Dems Who Just Do Not Get It

Though it would have been rude
for Vlad to intrude
in the U.S. election,
let us end the confusion
and acknowledge collusion. . . 
is beyond our means of detection
and, therefore, out of the question.

Oh, sure Vlad's had some laughs
and keeps framed photographs
from the tape made
at that Moscow hotel.
Whether Donald was there —
that sure looks like his hair —
does not make a difference,
his voters don't care.
Although they know
they are no better off,
they really adore
how he pisses you off.

Friday, May 25, 2018

№ 342: Damn-O-Crazy (Populism Goes Pop)

Many in Russia still miss the Czar.
They can not help it.
That's just how they are.
Don't tell me Germans are all that much wiser.
Many, I'm certain,
would welcome the Kaiser.
And, if you say,
“Well, that's just their thing”,
consider France or Israel
where they'd chance a king.
What we are seeing is a world-wide distemper
among the masses who long for an Emperor.
From Iran to China to Ethiopia
people prefer their local dystopia.

Everywhen, everywhere the story's the same
“good” people seeking someone to blame
for their lot choosing a leader
who says there's a plot,
and promises life'll be easier
after — guess what? — the bad guys get shot.
Before we in U.S. go,
“Tsk, tut, hrump!”,
remember our wild card,
the Joker, Donald J. Trump.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

№ 341: Bye-bye The Numbers?

What if two plus two
does not equal seven?
What if it's two-and-a-half?
What if
our words and our symbols
are only there for a laugh?
If reality's really merely a game,
does anything change 
when you change its name?
So, though it proves
a pure waste of time:
count, “1, 2, 3, 7, 
5, 6, 4, 8, 9.”

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

№ 340: Fears Its Self

What Donald fears:
where to begin?
We do know for certain
he does not like gin.
And for all that,
all alcohol.
Matter of fact,
he can't stand it all.

Germs? For certain.
Add those to his list.
Tho' history shows
no problem with trysts.
Bodily fluids — especially blood
make him turn bluish
and fall with a thud.
boldly declares
Donald may have
a problem with stairs.
Also with slopes!
(NO, not “Orientals”!)
which prey on his mind
whilst amidst Occidentals.
That he fears (and needs) women
is not something new.
A review of his life
shows this to be true.
We can assume
that he would rather
not be seen as senile
as was his father.

Sharks, evidently,
perturb his brain.
Which brings to mind
Roy Cohn. Again!
(Cohn, as you know,
was his gay father figure
who taught him to always
be quick on the trigger
and when you're hit
hit back harder and bigger
lest you occasion 
people to snigger.
Better to be 
seen as a tool
than to let anyone
think you a fool.)

He constantly wonders
who might poison his food
in the interlude.
We know he fears Mexicans —
AND the Chinese.
(Though certainly not
“the birds and the bees”.)
He may fear Alec Baldwin
and SNL.
Does he? As he would say,
“We'll see, time will tell.”
Does he fear Mueller?
Does he fear Congress?
Does he fear Putin?
The last is my guess.

To sum it up, Donald,
indeed and forsooth,
there is nothing to fear.
Except the TRUTH.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

№ 339: #SwedesToo

Der Spiegel: Literature, Lust and Lies at the Swedish Academy

The Swedish Academy will not be awarding a Nobel prize in literature this year. And a closer look at the swamp of scandal in Stockholm raises doubts as to whether it can ever be rehabilitated.

Things are just fine — until they suddenly aren't anymore. Then, everyone turns around and looks back in amazement at the human destruction and shards of shattered dignity left behind. At the moral morass. And they wonder: How could we have believed that everything would turn out alright?

WARNING: Article contains detailed descriptions of male misbehavior. Reader caution is advised. (Really!)

It seems, regardless, of position or wealth
a male of our species can't help himself
from helping himself to a woman's anatomy
even at, sadly, the Swedish Academy
where a bunch of (still!) mostly older white guys
each year decides who gets Nobel Lit. Prize.
This suggests men can not comprehend an instruction
which makes a distinction betwixt force and seduction.

Monday, May 21, 2018

№ 338.2: EXTRA! Do-Over?

Guardian: Human race just 0.01% of all life but has destroyed over 80% of wild mammals – study

Groundbreaking assessment of all life on Earth reveals humanity’s surprisingly tiny part in it as well as our disproportionate impact

Like all creators, Earth's had regrets
observing what he'd created.
That the Earth was a helluva mess
was a fact which could not be debated.
Any place life was
was precisely where strife was.
Creating life, as it turned out, was self-defeatin'
because, sooner or later, everything's eaten.
This creator then, let us assume,
chose to do something to relieve his gloom.
Cut to the chase: time to erase,
time to undo what creation had come to.
Doing that,” he thought,
would be too much work
and though I'm not perfect
I'm not that big a jerk.”
So, rather than throw the world under the bus
to put an end to creation he created us.
And we are succeeding beyond expectations.
We're what you end up with when you do creations.

№ 338.1: EXTRA! And In Confusion. . .

Guardian: Trump misspells Melania's name in tweet on her return to White House from hospital

Email subscribers click here.

Who the hell's my current wife
(I think she's number three)
M-E-L-A-N-I
is it “A” or “E”
When it comes to ho's
I don't go there, nosiree.
M-E-L-A-N-I
is it “A” or “E”?
Melanie?
Donald Trump!
Number three?
Donald Trump!
God strike me if I ever tell a lie.
Lie, lie, lie.
I love my schlong
it won't be long
before they indict me.
M-E-L-A-N-I
is it “A” or “E”?

№ 338: Speaking English Only?


Este miércoles se viralizó el video de un abogado estadounidense que arremetió contra empleados y clientes en un restaurante neoyorquino porque estos hablaban en español. El video publicado en Facebook alcanzó más de 6 millones de reproducciones.

El hombre, identificado como Aaron Schlossberg de 44 años, le gritó enfurecido al encargado del restaurante.


IF Anglo-Saxon invasions had never happened
would there be anywhere called Great Britain,
would Celtic* be the tongue Hamlet was writ in?
IF Godwinson had not defeated Hardrada
and not then been battle-killed by invader Guillaume, 
that French-speaking Norman bastard pretender 
whose God made him heir to Confessor's throne,
IF history had had a different twist
would this language we speak in even exist†?
_________________
*

Email subscribers click here.


Sunday, May 20, 2018

Friday, May 18, 2018

№ 337: What Can You Do?

It's not economics, language, culture or gods. . .
  the problem, as always, is SEX.
Without procreation there would be no nations,
  so peace would prevail, one suspects.
Were we to cease going forth and increasing,
  our need for policing would be decreasing.
Politicians and preachers would surely deplore it,
  but the planet would be better off for it.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

№ 336: Talk About A Witch Hunt











Fox Friend #1
When shall Kim and Donald meet
To sit down and eat dog meat?

Fox Friend #2
Korea's man-enhancing food
Could put Donald in the mood.

Fox Friend #3
To refuse it would be rude.

Fox Friend #1
Where the place?

Fox Friend #2
In Singapore.

Fox Friend #3
I pray they don't invite Al Gore.

Fox Friend #1
I come, Ivanka!

Fox Friend #2 
Murdoch calls.

Fox Friend #3 
Fake news!

All
Fair is foul and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.


Wednesday, May 16, 2018

№ 335: Intelligence (Again)

Intelligence.
Blessing or curse?
As we get “smarter”
do we get worse?
We create problems.
Then we do “fixes”,
striving to find what
the optimal mix is.
Today's advance
is tomorrow's reverse.
The idea of “progress”
is often perverse.
We push boundaries,
introduce breakthroughs.
Many of which
are very bad news.

It's in our genes,
this peculiar resolve:
problems we make
we also can solve.
This unhappy instinct
our sole distinction —
leads us to the brink
of our extinction.
We muddle through,
though torn and tattered,
and some sometimes wonder
does it all matter?

Life is lumpy
and very unsteady
when you follow the credo
“Fire, aim, ready.”

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

№ 334: 20/20 2020

Easy to see 
in rear view 20/20:
the basis of Trump's appeal.
Those who were sinking
found themselves thinking, 
“The you-know-who get
a much better deal.
This government's just for MINORITIES
who, frankly, deserve their low lot.
The good-for-nothings who,
WITHOUT WORKING, 
want what we've earned 
and take what we've got!”

Donald promised
he'd upend this trend,
making America great again.
With him in charge,
no more pretending
of THOSE PEOPLE sharing 
in our happy ending!
(The only thing good there was to report:
in the popular vote he fell three million short.)

Voters i
n 2020 may tell

Donnie & Co., Oh, go to hell.
Pretty to think so.
Too soon to know. 
(And, to be fair,
we may already be there.)

Monday, May 14, 2018

№ 333: Personal History II

Long ago on our honeymoon
she said, Sex is not a big deal
then she moved to another room
on another floor,
installing deadbolt lock on the door.
Later she moved to another hotel.
I've not seen her since. I trust she is well.






Friday, May 11, 2018

№ 332: Hocus Focus What Spells Tell Us

Email subscribers click here. (Oh, and you may want to turn volume down.)

Son of Satan
child of God
Trump or Pence
which gets a nod
Mike and Donald
Don and Michael
hereby apply
carbon cycle
evil good
and good evil
bubble double
gold boll weevil
lard of Christie
tongue on Newt
make Rudy's failing
mind acute
Michael Cohen
Kellyanne
broil a
vegetarian
Kilauea 
mass eruption
pales compared to
Trump corruption
Steve Mnuchin
Mike Pompeo
Devin Nunes
trial delay oh
when shall Donald eat again
when Mueller's quest has proved in vain
Big Macs tacos lots and lots
Macbeth too you know was Scots

Thursday, May 10, 2018

№ 331: The Blightests And The Beasts

The thing that sets Dunning-Krugers apart:
the mistaken conviction that they're “very smart”.
If they ever heard of them they would disparage
the studies that show they are below average.
Can you say “Punch”? Can you say “Judy”?
Can you say “Trump”? Can you say “Rudy”?
When I think Dunning-Kruger those two of a kind
spring to mind
along with Sanders' “Socialists” and Rand's “Libertarians”.
(Mom said I tended contrarian.)

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

№ 330: Contemplate This!

Galumphing triumphant toward nuclear brink,
just think where we'd be if Trump took a drink.
I trust our dust would then be all over.
We must, I think, thank Diet Coke that he's sober.
Not, mind!, that that will make a diff
if he pushes us over the nuclear cliff:
North Korea or Iran, if that be his whim,
to show dead father Fred he's better than him.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

№ 329: The World's Still Too Much With Us (but maybe not for long)

In the early 19th century, Wordsworth wrote several sonnets blasting what he perceived as “the decadent material cynicism of the time.” “The World Is Too Much with Us” is one of those works. It reflects his view that humanity must get in touch with nature to progress spiritually. The rhyme scheme of this poem is a-b-b-a, a-b-b-a, c-d-c-d, c-d. This Italian or Petrarchan sonnet uses the last six lines (sestet) to answer the first eight lines (octave). The first eight lines (octave) are the problem and the next six (sestet) is the solution.
— Wikipedia

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not. Great God! I’d rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathèd horn.

(so, with apologies to Mr. W.)

For whatever the word's worth, the Earth is
still with us. Although it may not be much
longer what with our fossil-fueled nonesuch
giving the atmosphere halitosis,
pushing the planet close to sclerosis
with our too greedy and unthinking touch,
always grinding the gears, ignoring the clutch.
Ocean thrombosis shows what comatose is.
“Getting and spending” has made us wealthy
(and healthy!) for over two centuries.
So you'd have to have bats in your belfry
to think we'd stop doing whatever we please.
So long as the status quo profits me,
I can not see it as a disease.

[updated 5/8/2018 11:11 am]

Monday, May 7, 2018

№ 328: Personal History I

When I was a boy I did not have friends
not even ones I imagined
so I got excited when a mutt,
followed me home from schoolBUT
my Mother said, “You cannot be serious.
Having an animal's hard.”
Thereafter Queenie (Mom called her) slept in my bed
and Mother had Dad slap together a shed
where I slept on old blankets in the backyard.

Yes, there were splinters and freezing cold winters

and in high school I could not get a date.
And although I wished for a bigger dish, 
I was (mostly) okay with my fate.
Mother said, “The experience will do you no harm.
Would you rather I send you to live on a farm?” 

Friday, May 4, 2018

№ 327: Conservatives?

Today's “Conservatives” are ignorant RADICALS,
  Bible Belt Trumpers and Ayn Rand extremists.
The latter, like Marxists, don't get economics.
  The former don't understand Jesus.

Discussing religion is always fraught,
  therefore the less said the better.
HOWEVER. . . ignoring the message while always insisting
  you're following it to the letter?!

Though GOP Randys pander to “Christians”
  to achieve legislative majorities,
when in power they say “What the hell, screw 'em.
  Their concerns are not our priorities.”

Seeing these creeps Lady Liberty weeps
  and lowers her torch in despair.
The Randarians can not tell truth from swill
  while the “Christians” haven't a prayer*.
_______________________
*Cf. Matthew 6:7

Thursday, May 3, 2018

№ 326: Unsteady As She Goes


Attorney Ty Cobb has left President Donald Trump’s legal team, according to The New York Times, and has been replaced with lawyer Emmet Flood.

Flood, a longtime Washington D.C. attorney, represented former President Bill Clinton during his impeachment in 1999.


Trump is (again) changing attorneys.
     'Sup wit' alla dese guys?
Doan wan no part in dis Weekend At Bernie's?
     Who'da thunk mout'pieces wud be so wise?

Meanwhile the “President” repeatedly tweets
     “the White House is ever so staid”,
while everyone else is wetting their sheets
     'coz they know Bob Mueller IS



Email subscribers click here.

[updated 5/3/2018 11:15 am]

[updated 5/3/2018 6:39 pm]

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

№ 325: The Way Things Are Now

How is it
everyone's
always so sure
they have God*
on their side?
Why cannot anyone
ever acknowledge
we are only along
for the ride?
Which when it's bumpy
makes everyone grumpy
so we look
for someone to blame,
to persecute
or punch in the snoot
because being different
makes them fair game.
“Winners” and “losers”,
“perps” and “vics”,
“cowboys” and “Indians”,
“slickers” and “hicks”,
Jets vs Giants,
Mets vs Yanks,
“Mutual tolerance?
Really? NO THANKS!”
_______________
*atheist version: history is