№ 521: Trump's Cogent Thoughts On Immigrants (the twit tweets)

3:01 A.M.

Illegal immigrants are everywhere

so we need to seal all our borders.

Socialist Democrats I guess do not care

that these drug dealing thugs threaten our daughters.

Why do they invade us?

To vote for Hillary. To rape and pillage!

When it's not even worse.....

3:07 A.M.

....Mad Muslim terrorists control Greenwich Village!

And you thought Rent Live was accursed?

3:10 A.M.

I cannot stand them,

though the work cheap —

much less than minimum wage.

That's why I hire them

at all my businesses

and keep their kids in a cage.

They dare not complain
that I treat them badly

or that I'm breaking the law.

If they ever tried,....

3:17 A.M.

....I have them deported.

That's what our laws are for.

Keeping us rich guys

always on top

in any and all situations.

That's what Adam Smith someone said wrote

in his book The Wealth Of Nathans.

Not that I read it. Too boring, too long.

And anyway what did Smith know?.....

5:25 A.M.

.....Though, like me, he was a Scot,

he never starred in a great TV show.

SAD #MEGA #HANDSNOTSMALL

#BUILDTHEWALL

№ 520: Staff Selection, Trump Reflection, Dereliction, Staph Infection

I choose the people 
for my inner circle
so I can play golf 
while they do the work, 
all slavishly striving 
in my looming shadow
courting my favor, 
it makes me so glad. 
Oh, if they make me cross, 
of course, they get booted
but they don't complain 
'cuz they're needy and stupid —
sad, insecure, human debris.
In fact, they are all 
losers like me.

№ 519: Ethnic Cleansing Aisle 6?

Nautilus:

You’re Descended from Royalty and So Is Everybody Else

Anybody you can name from ancient history is in your family tree.

You are of royal descent, because everyone is. You are of Viking descent, because everyone is. You are of Saracen, Roman, Goth, Hun, Jewish descent, because, well, you get the idea. All Europeans are descended from exactly the same people, and not that long ago. Everyone alive in the 10th century who left descendants is the ancestor of every living European today, including Charlemagne, and his children Drogo, Pippin, and, of course, not forgetting Hugh. If you’re broadly eastern Asian, you’re almost certain to have Genghis Kahn sitting atop your tree somewhere in the same manner, as is often claimed. If you’re a human being on Earth, you almost certainly have Nefertiti, Confucius, or anyone we can actually name from ancient history in your tree, if they left children. The further back we go, the more the certainty of ancestry increases, though the knowledge of our ancestors decreases. It is simultaneously wonderful, trivial, meaningless, and fun.

Well! Goodness gracious. What are we to do?

We're all of us Christian, Muslim and Jew

and Buddhist, animist and Hindu, too,

and Chinese and French and Native American

and, in addition, we're all sub-Saharan?

The Math says genetically we are a stew?

There's no discreet “me”? There's no discrete “you”?

One single clan

causes all wobbles?

Put history down

to family squabbles?
Despite whatever 
we say or think,
we're in this together?
(Nudge-nudge, wink-wink.)

How could this be?
Math, surely you jest.
Remember the motto
on our family crest?
Whatever — FOR EV-ER! —
delenda est.

[updated 1/29/2019 10:07 am]

№ 518: Toasting Libertarians

To all Libertarians,

you Ayn Randian

professed successors to Socrates:

Please excuse if

you think I am grim. . .

but Socrates? You do know

what happened to him?

If not, I'm sorry

the subject came up.

This one is on me.

Bottoms up!

№ 517.3: EXTRA! Stone: I Will Not Testify Come Hell Or Bob Mueller

WSJ

Roger Stone: 'I Will Not Testify Against the President'

Longtime Trump political adviser Roger Stone was indicted Friday in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., on seven counts, as part of special counsel Robert Mueller's ongoing investigation into Russian tampering in the 2016 presidential election. 

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If only Roger would adopt one of the caged border kids who need someone “to take their part” or could see that the Constitution needs him, eh wot?

Bookmark tcement.net for broken developments.

№ 517.2: EXTRA! Will Roger Roll? (an enveloping story, STAY TUNED)

FOX “News”
Roger Stone indicted on several charges as part of Mueller’s Russia collusion probe

White House press secretary Sarah Sanders told reporters Friday, "This doesn't have anything to do with the president. It doesn't have anything to do with the White House."

And Trump lawyer Jay Sekulow said, "The indictment today does not allege Russian collusion by Roger Stone or anyone else. Rather, the indictment focuses on alleged false statements Mr. Stone made to Congress.”

Stone, a self-described political dirty trickster who famously has a tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, will make an initial appearance later Friday before U.S. Magistrate Judge Lurana S. Snow at the federal courthouse in Fort Lauderdale.


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№ 517.1: EXTRA! No Comment (none necessary)

FOX “News”: Trump announces temporary end to partial government shutdown; vows to build wall despite no funding deal

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№ 517: The Case Of The Mistweeted Vowel (from the Tweeter-in-chief)

Earnie Grafton/Reuters

Kirstjen Nielsen, the secretary of Homeland Security, visited a 

section of new border fencing in Calexico, Calif., in October. 

A slut wall on the border
is entirely in order.
And I would gaily
visit there daily
to pay my respect
inspect and select
a replacement for Melanie
who does not speak well of me.

№ 516: The Camera Does Not Lie (That's Photoshop's Department)

BBC: Trumpteam accused of posting edited images on social media

One of the more unusual differences is that Mr Trump's fingers seem to have been made longer....and his stomach looks flatter than in the version that was posted to Facebook.

White House photographer Tia Dufour

Original Photo on Flickr

It is not only his belly and hands

where toady staffers met his demands

to make him seem slim-ish with fingers long,

they Photoshopped up a hellavua storm.

They also achieved his ultimate goal

and cropped out the window into his soul.

Detail

№ 515: Trump: An “Evangelical” View

Demagogue Democrats dare grouse and grump

over “crimes” committed by Donald Trump

in whom, ignoring Satanic behavior,

we see reincarnate Jesus, our Savior.
He is our hero, our man of the hour,
our raiser of walls, our builder of towers.

Gods needn't bother with moral norms.

(Love how the hair covers the horns.)

№ 514: TCCN EXCLUSIVE: A Report From A White House Bathroom Mirror

EXCLUSIVE! BREAKING NEWS: Theatrical Cement Company News, Ink., the apparent company of The Daily Doggerel, has exclusively received the following exclusive from a White House bathroom mirror which requested anonymity for fear of being shattered. 

(with apologies to Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim)

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I had a dream, a dream about you, Donnie.

It's gonna come true, Donnie.

I like your hairdo, and Donnie,

things are swell, news is FAKE!

We are making America quake!

Open lips, don't disclose.

Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.

Press and Dems are real jerks!

Mayhem for us always works.

Grab her hips. Muss her clothes.

Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.

Now's our inning. I think everyone's clear.

We're still winning as we were from the beginning!

No one can make us stop.

Because I'm the guy at the top.

We're still swell. We're still great.

I can tell. It's our fate.

Mueller doesn't even have a clue!

Donnie, everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

You can do it, all you need is a hand.

We can do it, Donnie is gonna see to it!

No one can make us stop.

Because I'm the guy who's on top.

I can tell, wait and see.

There's the bell! Follow me!

And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!

Donnie, everything's coming up towers and new hotels!

Everything's coming up Putin and Kim Jong Un!

Everything's gonna be Space Corps and border walls!

Everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

№ 513: Yearning For Yesteryear (or take THAT Gillette)

Remember the goodoldaze
that happy time when

wimmin were wimmin
and MEN were REAL MEN

before little girlies

kicked down the door

MEN could tell women
“Down on the floor”

like it says the Bible

and the Quran —

both of which teach

the supremeness of MAN

who was made in God’s image

as we were taught

women were only

an afterthought.

(Which may explain

why, by the way,

so many MEN

are just a bit gay.)

№ 512: Pandora's Pithos (a pithy pity)

You can’t think yourself out of instinct.

Procreate. You know the drill.

Thinking, at best, helps you tread water,

postponing drowning in seas of “godswill”.

Einstein and Darwin, (in theory) knew better,

but stuck with the program down to the letter.

Predestination, evolution and FATE —

leave little room for free will.

Everyone's born back of ball number eight.

Set expectation to nil.

№ 511: Off The People, Buy The People, Gore The People

The Divine Right of Kings

is one of those things.

If you are king

you are for it.

If you are not,

you deplore it.

If you are a noble

with your own castle

opposing the king

may be a hassle

but it is well-known

nobles are prone

to killing kings

and stealing thrones,
gaining renown,
their names written down
as Cæsars of kingdoms
and stealers of crowns.

If you're a peasant,
your life is not pleasant,

you have to toil
working the soil.
A man of no season,
who can't feel fulfilled
and nobody notices
when you get killed.

№ 510: The Devil. . .You Know?

Guardian: Diabolical liberty? Anger over Spanish city's 'friendly' devil

Petition launched over Segovia sculpture on grounds it is not ‘repulsive’ enough

It is really too easy

to sit and “Hrumpf”

saying this demon

is Spain's Donald Trumpf.

Perhaps not the torso,

pudgy but shaped. . .

bronze skin does go well 

with gold White House drapes.

Yards of old fabric

we can replace.

Dispense with them quickly

with Pence in his place.

(And to our chagrin

a worse problem begins.)

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№ 509: #UsToo?

If you're a guy

you're naturally lazy,
love makes you stupid,
sex makes you crazy.

Women tend,
more or less,
to be Venuses.

Sadly, men trend
on the whole
to be penises.

№ 508: A Brexit State Of Mind

England is for the English,

not the Irish, the Scots or the Welsh.

It is not for bloody Cornishmen

nor for anyone else.

It was never for Cæsar's Legions,

who also were here long before

we Angles with a few Saxons*

conquered this stony sea shore

whilst speaking a sort of Danish

which no one here then understood

they read the blood on our swords to say

“Vi planlægger at bo her for godt.”

When some of our distant cousins
wanted to join in the fun

we were now proper Englishmen

so we fought them and easily won

after a few generations

but centuries before

Norwegian King Harald Hardrada

created a minor furore

when he invaded this green peaceful isle

and for his pains got himself killed

by our good King Harold Godwinson

who proved of the two the more skilled

then some three weeks thereafter

a hasty arrow pierced the royal eye

fired from the bow of a Norman Frog

causing our last real king to die.
This was a disaster heaven forfend
the Age of the Angles came to its end
our ancient order was overthrown
William the Bastard ascended the throne

our Dansk sprog was Frenchified  —

unhappy happenstance. 

That is the real reason  

we true English hate France.

Yes, England must always be English

though it's not now and never was.

Not that these things really matter.

The truth in fact seldom does.

________

*Jutes, too. But the Jutes are traditionally ignored.

№ 507: Lombardi Economics & Theology 101

Christianity and Capitalism start with “C” —

this is almost their sole commonality.

Jesus said he fished for men's souls.

Adam Smith pursued mundane immediate goals.

Christians, above all, wish to be “saved”,

Capitalists to take their loot to the grave.

Truth to tell, neither behave well

when heir followers following natural selection

in ruthless pursuit of purported perfection

taking, of course, a course they have faith works,

abandoning morals as quirks fit for jerks.

Both, in praise of their founder, sing

and neither confess winning's their thing.

[updated 01/11/2019 07:21 am]

№ 506: Draw Your Own Collusion

Why does it hold so many in thrall

when “Tenderfoot” speaks off the cuff of a wall,

lying repeatedly, excreting slanders,

next day defended by Huckabee-Sanders?

It's not for his honesty. He cooks his books.

And no one would ever say it's for his looks.
He never was a Da Vinci paragon.

Had Leonardo drawn him he'd have

sworn off art thereupon. 

Trumpian Man A Picture Of Perfect Health      
 R.J. Matson 07-28-2017

№ 505: The Tenderfoot's Walls

Roman emperors were free to build walls,

as were emperors of China.

Khrushchev, though not an emperor at all,

built one causing NATO angina.

(No fan of NATO. Not me. Not I.

Nikita, I think, was my kind of guy —

you think I've a crush on

dictators Russian?)

So, no, this is no Twitter rant

And I can do it. Don't tell me I can’t.

I’ve oft answered questions,

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

Well, what I see here is

E-MER-GEN-CY.

Flashing lights, klaxons

call me to action.

I am your leader.

This is a crisis.

I want this wall

to scare away ISIS.

Building a wall

is nothing at all.

With my super powers,

I built Trump Towers.

I’d build it myself,

despite FAKE NEWS slurs.

But, sadly, I can’t.

Because of bone spurs.

Remind you of anyone? 
Email subscribers click here.

№ 504: Southern Exposure

I pity Southerners

who time and again

have been betrayed

by cliques of old men

who retain power

by switching labels,

pretending there's truth

in racial fables.

The party may change

but the program remains:

keep white and black

forever estranged;

make them compete

for a small bit of gruel;

insure the same folk

continue to rule.

I give you McConnell,

Graham and others

and wonder if they'd been

smothered by mothers

with foresight to see

what they'd turn out to be,

would they be missed?

Well. . .not by me.

№ 503: The First Commandment (KDV)

WSJ: Trump Considers Declaring National Emergency to Build Border Wall

President speaks at lengthy news conference after contentious talks on government shutdown with Democratic lawmakers

Later in his remarks, the president spoke of a possible lengthy shutdown and also floated the idea of bypassing Congress. “We can call a national emergency because of the security of our country,” he said, adding: “I may do it.”

Guardian: Trump confirms he said government shutdown could last months or years

President threatens to declare national emergency and build wall without congressional approval: ‘I can do it if I want’

I can do whatever I like,

for, as you know, I’m divine.

I can, if I wish, create Diet Coke

out of a bottle of wine.

I walk on water. I fly through the air.

I can grab pussy — I do not care

what anyone thinks at all.

As Mike Pence in my place would put it,

“By golly, I’m building a wall.”

Do not tell me,
“For pity sake,
people need paychecks.”

Let them eat cake.

№ 502: Trump Cabinet Reconvenes...Glory Be

NYT: Trump’s Freewheeling and Fact-Free Cabinet Meeting (Paywall)

For over an hour and a half, President Trump spoke on a variety of topics, including the border wall, Syria, his unpopularity abroad and Mitt Romney. Not all of it was accurate.

    Jan. 2, 2019

WASHINGTON — President Trump had a few things to say to start the new year.

About walls. About wheels. About death and sand. About Mitt Romney and Iran. About his popularity in Europe and within the Republican Party. About essentially firing Jim Mattis as defense secretary, and forcing the retiring senators Bob Corker and Jeff Flake from office. And about validation from Kanye West and how his generals were “better looking than Tom Cruise.”

He lamented being lonely in the White House over Christmas and New Year’s. He had been essentially out of public view for a week, so when he convened his first cabinet meeting of 2019, he seemed to be releasin g some pent-up demand to be heard.

I find it so sad and very odd

that people still think that they need “God”.

What did “God” do to end abortion?

NADA! He left it to me as my portion.

(Granted, it’s not yet a done-deal

but I’m getting us close to Roe-Wade repeal.)

Another sad fact is  

“God” doesn't do taxes.

And like “God”  — isn't he in retirement? —

I don’t give a fig about the “environment”.

What profit a man having air, food and water

when he already has the world’s hottest daughter,

if keeping air, food and water clean

costs him cash-money. I mean it’s obscene.

But, back to the point:  

Why “God” before me?

I can do more

I guarantee.

If this idea meets too much resistance,

I could keep “God” as a comedic assistant.

Like I had on TV.
And, in consequence,
dispense with Pence,
who I have to question. Is he really loyal?
Plus I hate how he acts like a goil.

All of these churches,  

temples. . .whatever. . .

could be re-purposed  

now and forever.

You gotta admit

they’d look a lot better

with “TRUMP” on the front

in BIGLY gold letters
where I could be worshiped
for my alternative facts
and accept burnt offerings:
Diet Cokes and Big Macs.