Friday, January 25, 2019

№ 517.3: EXTRA! Stone: I Will Not Testify Come Hell Or Bob Mueller

WSJ

Roger Stone: 'I Will Not Testify Against the President'

Longtime Trump political adviser Roger Stone was indicted Friday in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., on seven counts, as part of special counsel Robert Mueller's ongoing investigation into Russian tampering in the 2016 presidential election. 


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If only Roger would adopt one of the caged border kids who need someone to take their part” or could see that the Constitution needs him, eh wot?

Bookmark tcement.net for broken developments.

№ 517.2: EXTRA! Will Roger Roll? (an enveloping story, STAY TUNED)

FOX “News”
Roger Stone indicted on several charges as part of Mueller’s Russia collusion probe

White House press secretary Sarah Sanders told reporters Friday, "This doesn't have anything to do with the president. It doesn't have anything to do with the White House."

And Trump lawyer Jay Sekulow said, "The indictment today does not allege Russian collusion by Roger Stone or anyone else. Rather, the indictment focuses on alleged false statements Mr. Stone made to Congress.”

Stone, a self-described political dirty trickster who famously has a tattoo of Richard Nixon on his back, will make an initial appearance later Friday before U.S. Magistrate Judge Lurana S. Snow at the federal courthouse in Fort Lauderdale.


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№ 517.1: EXTRA! No Comment (none necessary)



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№ 517: The Case Of The Mistweeted Vowel (from the Tweeter-in-chief)

Earnie Grafton/Reuters
Kirstjen Nielsen, the secretary of Homeland Security, visited 
section of new border fencing in Calexico, Calif., in October. 


A slut wall on the border
is entirely in order.
And I would gaily
visit there daily
to pay my respect
inspect and select
a replacement for Melanie
who does not speak well of me.

Thursday, January 24, 2019

№ 516: The Camera Does Not Lie (That's Photoshop's Department)

BBC: Trumpteam accused of posting edited images on social media

One of the more unusual differences is that Mr Trump's fingers seem to have been made longer....and his stomach looks flatter than in the version that was posted to Facebook.
White House photographer Tia Dufour
Original Photo on Flickr


It is not only his belly and hands
where toady staffers met his demands
to make him seem slim-ish with fingers long,
they Photoshopped up a hellavua storm.

They also achieved his ultimate goal
and cropped out the window into his soul.
Detail


Wednesday, January 23, 2019

№ 515: Trump: An “Evangelical” View

Demagogue Democrats dare grouse and grump
over “crimes” committed by Donald Trump
in whom, ignoring Satanic behavior,
we see reincarnate Jesus, our Savior.
He is our hero, our man of the hour,
our raiser of walls, our builder of towers.
Gods needn't bother with moral norms.

(Love how the hair covers the horns.)

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

№ 514: TCCN EXCLUSIVE: A Report From A White House Bathroom Mirror

EXCLUSIVE! BREAKING NEWS: Theatrical Cement Company News, Ink., the apparent company of The Daily Doggerel, has exclusively received the following exclusive from a White House bathroom mirror which requested anonymity for fear of being shattered. 

(with apologies to Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim)

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I had a dream, a dream about you, Donnie.
It's gonna come true, Donnie.
I like your hairdo, and Donnie,
things are swell, news is FAKE!
We are making America quake!
Open lips, don't disclose.
Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.
Press and Dems are real jerks!
Mayhem for us always works.
Grab her hips. Muss her clothes.
Donnie, everything’s coming up chaos.
Now's our inning. I think everyone's clear.
We're still winning as we were from the beginning!
No one can make us stop.
Because I'm the guy at the top.
We're still swell. We're still great.
I can tell. It's our fate.
Mueller doesn't even have a clue!
Donnie, everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!
You can do it, all you need is a hand.
We can do it, Donnie is gonna see to it!
No one can make us stop.
Because I'm the guy who's on top.
I can tell, wait and see.
There's the bell! Follow me!
And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!
Donnie, everything's coming up towers and new hotels!
Everything's coming up Putin and Kim Jong Un!
Everything's gonna be Space Corps and border walls!
Everything's coming up chaos for me and for you!

Monday, January 21, 2019

№ 513: Yearning For Yesteryear (or take THAT Gillette)

Remember the goodoldaze
that happy time when
wimmin were wimmin
and MEN were REAL MEN
before little girlies
kicked down the door
MEN could tell women
“Down on the floor
like it says the Bible
and the Quran —
both of which teach
the supremeness of MAN
who was made in God’s image
as we were taught
women were only
an afterthought.

(Which may explain
why, by the way,
so many MEN
are just a bit gay.)