No. 317: File Under?

The Hill: Trump’s former attorney warned him not to trust Cohen: report
One of President Trump's former attorneys said he urged the president not to trust Michael Cohen to fully protect him, and warned that Cohen would eventually cooperate with federal prosecutors.

Chicago Tribune: What Trump doesn't understand about attorney-client privilege (Paywall)
"Attorney Client privilege is now a thing of the past," President Donald Trump tweeted Sunday morning. It was a declaration that came just five days after his earlier claim that the privilege was "dead." He was responding to a raid by FBI agents on the office and hotel room of his longtime attorney, Michael Cohen.



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Back in New York days,

I can remember adoring fawning showered on me.

Michael's eyes would gaze at me so tender

while I was scheming. Now I can see.

If these things come to light

there'll be cause to indict

from stuff in Mike Cohen's files.

Bad stuff that will unfold

with my name stamped in gold.

They'll find in Mike Cohen's files.

Contracts with Playboy bunnies,

old taco bowls,

laundering Russian money.

I have no soul.

Slick schemes outlined in fax

to skip all income tax.

They'll find in Mike Cohen's files.

And when I have at last to cop a plea

I know one man who will stand by me.

Mike Cohen.

And when I'm in the penetentiary

I know who my cellmate will be.

Mike Cohen.

For a jury may convict us

and they'll throw us in a cell

but that will not restrict us saying

Bob Mueller go to hell.

Contracts with Playboy bunnies,

old taco bowls,

laundering Russian money.

I have no soul.

Slick schemes outlined in fax

to skip all income tax.

They'll find in Mike Cohen's files.

No. 316: No Go Sh*t Eating With Donnie And Kim

Trump says 'Good relationship' formed with North Korea

WASHINGTON (AP) -- President Donald Trump on Wednesday confirmed that his CIA chief secretly met with Kim Jong Un in North Korea and said “a good relationship was formed” heading into the adversaries' anticipated summit.

Kim and I are

so much the same.

That's why I call him

by his pet name.

This is good

for clearing the air

provided the name

is funny and fair —

one I can choose 

so I can abuse 
anyone, anytime and anywhere.

(Not like names

others call me

which are a disgrace

I can say honestly.)

If L'il Kim'll his missiles forsake,

I'll serve him BEW-T-FUL cake.

Then if he scraps all of his nukes,

I'll willingly lower my GIGANTIC dukes.

I'll negotiate peace, trade and so forth —

handing over the South to the North —
if Kim'll agree to curtail cheap steel.

That's what I call THE ART OF THE DEAL!

No. 315: Foreign Policy (subject to change without prior notice or, honestly, thought)

NYT: Trump Declines to Add Sanctions Against Russians, Contradicting Haley (Paywall)

WASHINGTON — President Trump rejected, for now at least, a fresh round of sanctions set to be imposed against Russia on Monday, a course change that underscored the schism between the president and his national security team.

Putin's no crook from what I can tell.

And anyway I want a Moscow hotel.

So take your damned sanctions and you go to hell.

Vlad is a lad (as I've said all along)

who knows how to govern, how to be strong.

The best we can do is just play along.

Okay, so maybe he seizes Crimea.

But what does that matter to you and to me, huh?

None of our business from what I see. Yuh.

And Eastern Ukraine? Don't be a pain.

Who cares if they lose so long as I gain?

Let the damned place go down the drain.

I am everyday wearier of this business with Syria.

Intel briefings drag on, my eyes get blearier

and I order snacks from the cafeteria.

High tariffs for China? What could be finer?

And it plays well in South Carolina.

(Driver, pull over, let's stop at that diner.)

Rocketman Kim's ridiculous trim

will be standing on end when I'm finished with him

and that will be just a prelim

to what I do on the Mexican border

to teach those Ponchos to behave as they orta.

I would not let one of THEM marry my daughter!

And here's a news flash that'll knock off your socks:

I'm outsourcing policy to my Friends at FOX.

So, you got a problem? Go see the Murdochs!

No. 314: Hey, Donnie, You Know A “Good” Lawyer?

NYT: Sean Hannity Is Named as Michael Cohen’s Client

Before Mr. Hannity’s name was revealed in the courtroom,...[Cohen's lawyer Stephen] Ryan had argued that the mysterious third client would be “embarrassed” to be identified as a client of Mr. Cohen’s.

Oh, the humanity!

Both Trump and Hannity

are clients of Michael Cohen.

FOX frenzied eruption

about Dem corruption

is next, I predict, where we're goin'.

“Yes, ‘Judge’ Kimba M. Wood

was appointed by Reagan.
(So we can assume
she's no Democrat pagan.)

BUT Bill Clinton wanted to

make her Attorney General.

If that's not a conflict

then facts are ephemeral!

“‘Judge’ Wood's ruling

revealing Sean's name

was unduly cruel,

sad, really a shame.

Have we forgotten Hillary's email?

And you should know this: 
Judge Wood is a female!

Another one of those 
damned femiNAZIs?

While we're on the subject, 
remember Benghazi!

“No one's saying Sean Hannity 
could be embarrassed

because some dumb broad 
that he never “harassed”

may have signed something 
like, maybe, an NDA.

We are certainly NOT saying at FOX 
(happily working for the Murdochs),

that's the only way girls here ever get equal pay.

“Sean just asked about real estate.

Period. Full stop. End of debate.

So, you say, 
‘If that's all, why 

be embarrassed?’

Well. . .Sean is shy.
It should be clear to you
(as it is to me),
this whole thing is
a Liberal conspiracy!”

No. 313: Paul Ryan's Farewell Address Looks To Bright GOP Future (Eyes' Only RNC Edition)

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(with apologies to Burton Lane and E. Y. Harburg)

On that great Re-pub-li-can Day

Won't it be fun after we've won and have things our way

Do away with anything that's gay

On that great, great Re-pub-li-can Day

Unions will be completely shut down

Voters won't be Black, Yellow or Brown

You can't abort says the Supreme Court

All you can do is stay on your

knees and pray

Glory time's comin' for to stay

On that great, great Re-pub-li-can Day

Come and get it, come and get it

Come and get it

Come and get it

Says here

Says it in the Constitution, it says

What's it say?
A might morning is nigh

Universal Healthcare denied
When we kill your coverage

You DIE

What a day for corporations

What a day for makin' workers crawl

Laughing at their lamentations

As we make 'em slavey

And rip off their balls

Says here

Bells will ring in every steeple

Gonna put the Bible

Back in school

All you white and

Gun-loving people

Forget about fair

And the Golden Rule

Says here

Come and get it

Come and get it

Come

There's gonna be a world shakin’

Deregulatin' day

Great day!

Can I hunt endangered species?

Glory to ya

Can I get pollute the Grand Canyon?

That's official

Hey do I hafta watch FOX?

Says here.

Can I get me a sniper rifle?

Sniper rifle?

Hallelujah!

On that great Re-pub-li-can Day

On that great, great Re-pub-li-can Day

Unions will be

Completely shut down

We'll have a king

Who wears a gold crown

You can't abort

Says the Supreme Court

All you can do is stay on your

knees and pray

Glory times

Comin’ for to stay

On that great, great come grab it

And keep it!

Don't share it!

Re-pub-li-can Day!