No. 292.1: EXTRA! Trump Speaks Through Mouthpiece On McCabe Firing

President Trump’s lawyer called on the Justice Department to immediately shut down the special counsel probe into Russian interference in the 2016 election, in the wake of the firing of FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe.

— WaPo: Trump’s lawyer calls on Justice Department to immediately end Russia probe (Paywall)

Finally, at last, the nightmare is over.

If I drank I'd be pouring champagne.
Here's final proof there was no collusion
between Russia and my campaign!

However could we have been in collusion

since we were one and the same?

(As to the logic of this proving anything

more than that I made Sessions tame. . .

I don't do logic. Or truth. Or reason.

And Donald J. Trump is my name.

No. 292: A Miscellany: Donald, Bernie, Mitch & Paul

L'état, c'est moi 

I, Donald

As emperor, I, of course, refute

any and all attempts to dispute

my view of the world.

Where's my new suit?

Bernie's Backstory

To join in the fight for civil rights,

Bernie moved to Vermont, a state almost all white.

And not just in winter, it must be noted —

all year round when the ground is not snow-coated.

Was it fresh mountain air that lured him there,

the soothing cool breezes through his Einsteiny hair?

Was he unable to resist

being Vermont's pioneer Socialist?

The American public remains unsold.

Bernie must like being out in the cold.

Paul & Mitch

If Paul and Mitch ever come to their senses

drop their defenses, join the consensus,

remember to ask this ding-dong duo,

“What took you so long to see through the cuckoo?”

No. 291.1: EXTRA! Putin Responds To New U.S. Sanctions

WASHINGTON — President Trump’s administration imposed sanctions on a series of Russian organizations and individuals on Thursday in retaliation for interference in the 2016 presidential elections and other “malicious” cyberattacks. It was the most significant action taken against Moscow since Mr. Trump took office.

— NYT: Trump Administration Sanctions Russians for Election Meddling and Cyberattacks (Paywall)

Yo, Donnie, 'sup bro

I thought we wuz frenz

bosom buddies, palz,

fellow strongmenz?

DEAL wuz I help you

you scratch my back.

You remember,

my election hack?

Why you let May

drive you away

on account I

assassinate spy?

Maybe you findin' out

in the long run

bein' a president

ain't that much fun?

With Congress, the public

and a free press

you got problems I don't

iz whut I guess.

What you should do,

sure as shootin',

stay strong, hang tuff,

your fren,

Vlad Putin.

No. 291: Pregunta de Donaldo — ¿Todavía estaré aquí mañana?

(with apologies to Carole King and Gerry Goffin)



Email subscribers click here for music.

Today I'm president, completely

I can lie indiscreetly

Today I'm king and can't be criticized

But will I be here tomorrow

I thought that I could fool yer

And then there came Bob Mueller

Who's finding out how much I'm compromised

So will I be here tomorrow

Today as White House empties
As I say, “Bye-bye, everyone”

In a move pre-emptory

To destroy ev-er-y smoking gun

The day I was elected

The Congress genuflected

What happened then I cannot comprehend

Will I still be here tomorrow

What happened then I cannot comprehend

Will I still be here tomorrow

Will I still be here tomorrow

Will I still be here tomorrow

Bonus track

No. 290: Three Trump Chumps And Middle East Peace

WASHINGTON — The Trump administration is putting the finishing touches on its long-awaited Middle East peace plan, three senior officials said on Sunday, and President Trump is likely to present it soon, despite risking swift rejection by the Palestinians. . . 

NYT: The Mideast Peace Plan Is Nearly Finished. Is It Dead on Arrival? (Paywall)

Middle East peace? 
Easy-peasy 
for three strictly disinterested guys:

Trump's corporate mouthpiece,
Jason D. Greenblatt;

his bankruptcy lawyer,

David M. Friedman,

(who is also his Israel ambassador*);
and Jared^†, 
the all-purpose son-in-law. 

I, myself, though not Palestinian,

am, nevertheless, firmly of the opinion

that these stooges three will be fair.

Each has, I trust, a rich Muslim friend —

a prince or a billionaire — 
who will be more than happy to recommend

their thought-out and ever so carefully penned 
plan to “the Arab Street”, where it might otherwise meet with. . .

oh, forget it, it hasn't a prayer!

___________________________________________________________

*confirmed by U.S. Senate, 52 - 46.
†Jared. You know. Jared! Ivanka's “Prince Philip”? Son of convicted felon? Guy who lost his TOP SECRET security clearance and lied to FBI. That Jared. You remember.

No. 289.1: EXTRA! Looting The Till

Reuters: Trump fires chief diplomat Tillerson after clashes, taps Pompeo

Email subscribers click here for music.

Till-erson is not my guy

And I will tell you why

“Till” refused to adore me

Till I'm free to rule like Xi

Till I end democracy

Till everything is just for me

Then when I'm seen as divine

And you all lay supine

On the floor there before me

I'll take that as a win

And tell you with a grin

The world is mine, mine, mine

No. 289: Voting Slights And Immigrant Fights

This “poem” is brought to you by the Republican National Committee,

a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Brothers Industries.

Voting isn't a right.

It's earned by birth. 
AND what you are worth.
(Maybe not this time
but soon for sure
we'll take the vote
from anyone poor.)

Also of import

is where you're from.

We will never allow

foreign-born scum

to ever again elect anyone
unwhite, unmale, unrich!

Honestly, really!

Why ditch

a system that's worked

for two centuries

that permits us to do

just as we please?

Bad enough

we had to let

Catholics, Jews

and other refuse

pour over our borders,

marry our daughters.

There are still those

we choose not

to live in close 
quarters with.

Men called Señor,
we will not endure.

We'll let in some Hindus.

You know the sort —

those people we need

to staff tech support?

Temp workers only,

not permanent hires,

who have to leave

when their visa expires.

There is a freeze

on all Chinese.

DO NOT ask whyfor!

(You know we're at war?

If not at this moment, 

then very soon.

Say, maybe, Thursday. 

Mid-afternoon?)

And you can bet

we'll make up some grounds

to exclude anyone 
from anywhere 
Muslims are found.

And lest they imagine they'll

slip through the cracks,

let me assure everyone

we need no new African Blacks.

Not that we're bigots,

not by any means,

but we have already

sufficient sports teams.

No. 288: Mea Non Culpa

Sooor-y. Not me.

Not my fault. Alright?

I never said,

“Let there be light.”

Or if I said it

I wasn't thinking.

It could have drugs. . .

I might have been drinking.

Why would I,
good personified,

create creation

where everything dies?

Not only dies,

but suffers as well. . .

I don't know about you,

but I'd call that hell.