№ 672.1: EXTRA! Pox On The FOX

Trouble in paradise: Trump attacks Fox News – and Fox News hits back

Neil Cavuto becomes the latest network host to reject Trump’s criticism, saying: ‘My job is to cover you, not fawn over you’

HOODATHUNK (August 30)

What went together like bagels and lox?
Spoiler: the answer was Donnie and FOX.
The corpulent jerk and the fawning network,
disproved Aaron Sorkin's contention that lies cannot work.

But something's amiss with Trump-Murdoch bliss,
with FOX correspondents refusing to kiss
the looming ass of this sociopath.
Comme on dit en français, “It is to laugh.”

№ 672: Citizens Trumped

Trump administration ends automatic citizenship for some children of military, federal workers born abroad (Paywall)

Children born overseas to some American parents serving in the military or working for the federal government may no longer automatically claim U.S. citizenship if their parents had lived in the United States for less than five years, according to a new federal policy issued Wednesday.

THISISMYCOUNTRYLANDOFMYBIRTH (August 29)

You're an American citizen by natural-birth right
if your dad was born here, you're male and you're white.
This, clearly, is what the founders intended.
Had we stuck with their plan, it would have been splendid.

By white we mean north European (non-Finn) —
no Greeks, Spics, Eyeties nor Slavs allowed in.
We have in our country no place for Frenchmen,
Belgians, Balts, Balkans nor those not mentioned.

The Irish might be okay “in service”,
but making them citizens would make us nervous.
And though we really do not like them much,
they surrendered New Amsterdam, so we'll treat the Dutch.

If we made a mistake letting slavery begin,
we also erred when we let Scandinavians in.
Though Nordic women are decidedly dishy,
something 'bout Vikings frankly feels fishy.

Like it on not, we made room for Scots  —
clever inventors. . .albeit crackpots.
The Welsh are fine down in the mines.
We don't “mine” them around if they're underground.

Austrians, though they speak German,
are somewhat Papist, we fear.
As, in fact, are so many Krauts.
However, they brew an awfully good beer.

We remain wary of people Hungarian.
And, if you please, please no Maltese.
(Who, by the way, tend a bit gay.)
It would be nice, if THEY ALL went away.

As for the Jews. . .always bad news.
Too often they win, too seldom they lose.
But, let us add, Zion has our respect.
We'll deal with Israel when they use our deck.

America is currently under attack.
No good erasing Liberty's plaque.
Trump's got the guts heretofore lacking.
He'll send both statue and immigrants packing.

№ 671.1: EXTRA! Want Ad

NEVERLAND  (August 29)

WANTED TO BUY
Would-be dictator seeks to buy island
something suitably large
big enough for an oversize ego
where I'd be completely in charge
must not have states, legislatures or courts
though I would not mind a few golf resorts
Will ignore law and codicil strictures
P.S. can't read so send lotsa pictures

Reply Box #1 (the best)
When You're Rich Enough Magazine

№ 671: Family Resemblance?

‘Not nice!’: Trump denies rumors of bedbugs at resort he's promoting for G7

Rumors seem to stem from a 2016 lawsuit alleging an infestation at Trump National Doral brought by New Jersey insurance executive 

HOUSEKEEPING (August 28)

(with apologies to Jule Styne, Betty Comden and Adolph Green)

Bed bugs aren't creeping
and neither are many other vermin
in Trump Hotels and apartment blocks
and if they are I'll change the locks on them
it's not pleasant keeping
my so many so empty beds
where I myself may play around
whenever whoever's my wife's out of town
no woman I want can dare turn me down
I sleep with whomever I want
sleep with whomever I want

Email subscribers click here.

№ 670: Donnie Exposes Himself (what lies within)

JUST A LONELY LITTLE BOY, ME (August 27)

It is easy to think I'm incoherent
if you listen to what I say.
It is not simply that my psyche's aberrant,
teeth and tongue get in the way
of my deep thoughts gleaned o'er the years
having nothing to do with castration fears
(which I've never had — ever at all!—
I prefer to refrain from exposing my balls
by crossing my arms boldly before me),
both mom and dad completely adored me
of all of my siblings I was their favorite
I say this in passing, not to belabor it,
what I mean to convey (please, mommy, don't shove me),
all that I crave is someone to love me.

Click

A six-meter high cartoon baby blimp of U.S. President Donald Trump is flown
as a protest against his visit, in Parliament Square in London, England,
Friday, July 13, 2018. [AP] Tampa Bay Times

№ 669: Goodness Gracious

Why do people do evil much of the time,
and claim they're inspired by THE DIVINE?
Although, I suppose, it isn't that odd —
since we are blessed with a tolerant God,
who, it is said, forgives any sin
so long as the sinner shows deference to Him.

There, therefore, is never a need to repent.
Whatever was done was with His consent.
Nor is there a need to feel any shame
because, as you know, the Devil's to blame.

(Frank Loesser said it better.)

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№ 668: Trump's Waltz

Email subscribers click here.

TRUTHBETOLD (August 25)

(with apologies to Jule Styne, Betty Comden and Adolph Green)

I'm the greatest villain of all time!
Who is Bluebeard?
(Nobody!)
Who is Nero?
(Nobody!)
Who is Jack the Ripper?
(Nobody!)
Ahahaha!
Who's the swine-iest swine in world?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Who's the dirtiest dog in this well-funded whirl?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Husband of Melanie. Father of brutes,
who will landfill for me anyone saying my hair isn't cute!
(It's cute!)
Ahahahah!
Who's the slimiest rat in the pack?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Who's unlovable?
(You!)
Who's unlivable?
(You!)
Whose existence is quite unforgivable?
(You!)
Who would seize little children 
and send them direct to the dump?
(Direct to the dump!)
Humpty Dumpty,
Donald Trump!

All mortals envy me. 
Yet better, perhaps, for Trump to have had less ambition. 
Oh fame, fame, thou glittering bauble.
In searching for thee, what fame have I not lost?
No little children love me. 
I'm told they play at Government and the strongest always chooses to be Nancy. 
They force the baby to be Trump.
The BABY! 
That's where the canker g-naws.
NO!
By Diet Coca-Cola!
NO!
Who's the swine-iest?
(Swine-iest!)
The doggiest?
(Doggiest!)
The slimiest?
(Slimiest!)
Who's the creepiest creep in the world?
(Donald Trump! Donald Trump!)
Who's dispensable?
(You!)
Reprehensible?
(You!)
Who's behavior is quite indefensible?
(You!)
Who's the crawlingest, cruelest, crummiest, plump-iest schlump?
(Plump-iest schlump!
What a prize what a joy!)
Mother Trump's obscene nasty boy.
(The scourge of DC!)
Just happens to be 
DARN old
Trump! Trump!
Trump Trump
Trump Trump
Trump Trump
Trump Trump
So low!

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