No. 287.4: EXTRA! When Donnie Meets Kimmie (a prediction)

To be sung to the tune of "If Momma Was Married" (with apologies to Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim)

Email subscribers click here for music. Blog readers click below. 

DONALD

I need to disarm you,

you squat little louse,

I want you to peace-ful-ly

ditch all of your missiles, your nukes, all your jets,

all your tanks, your artillery, your mortars, your slingshots,

your RPGs

I need to disarm you

KIM

If I “disarm” me,

you funny hair man,

I will need a firm guarantee

you'll shut your mouth

when I invade south

and henceforth leave

all Korea to me

If I “disarm” me

BOTH

[Kimmie/Donald], you seem a good guy,

I don't see why

you want to die

[Kimmie/Donald], we're both of us sly

what do you say

we give it a try?

[Donald/Kimmie], say I

I like your style

I must say

DONALD

I'm not being funny

I'll launder your money

KIM

So long as I have things my way

BOTH

Oh, [Donald/Kimmie], let's make peace today!

KIM

It you and I make peace there wouldn't be anymore:

you'll launch fire and fury if I nuke Oahu

Both of us throw fits

DONALD

while the whole world sh**s

KIM

Hello, dotard

DONALD

L'il rocketman

Kimmie, please take my advice,

you little runt

KIM

Donald! be nice

BOTH

[Donald/Kimmie], if we roll the dice

and only this once

nobody thinks twice

it could be so nice

though it couldn't last one whole day

DONALD

So, Kimmie,

KIM

So, Donald,

DONALD

Dis-arm?

KIM

In-vade?

DONALD

. . .What the hell. . .I guess okay

BOTH

Oh, [Donald/Kimmie],

Oh, [Donald/Kimmie],

Oh, [Donald/Kimmie],

Let's make “peace” today!

No. 287.3: EXTRA! Stormy Inform Us

Stormy Daniels. Let's pity her.

Had she been even less prettier,

had her chest been less conspicuous,

she'd have avoided detection

sparing us the infection

of Donald J. Trump, the pediculus*.

*type genus of Pediculidae: true lice infecting humans (see Wikipedia)

No. 287.2: EXTRA! Prediction For Trump Is Stormy Whether Or Not

(with apologies to Harold Arlen and Ted Koehler)   

–

  

When I'm nailed

I am gonna go to jail

stormy whether

if I ain't got my act together

I'm lookin' at hard time

oh, yeah

I been bad

gloom and misery are everywhere

stormy whether, stormy whether

when Bob Mueller puts it all together

oh, I'm lookin' at hard time

hard time, I'm lookin' at hard time

when I'm put away

the Feds'll come and get me

oh and if I stay away

bad prison food's gonna get me

all I do is pray

they'll maybe let me

order Big Macs once more

oh, I want Roy Cohn, want Roy Cohn, want Roy Cohn

I miss tweeting on my phone

stormy whether, stormy whether

since Bob Mueller's has me on his tether

he's gaining all of the time

oh, he's gaining all of the time

oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, gaining all of the time

stormy, stormy,

stormy whether

yeah

No. 287.1: EXTRA! What If We Get Failure To Communicate?

Kim, undoubtedly,

speaks perfect English,

though his accent

makes whatever he says

hard to distinguish

from his perfect

French, German, Spanish,

Russian, Dutch, Portugese,

his, well if you please,

perfect pan-European.

One wonders if Trump

speaks any Korean

for when he's in the mood

for Korean fast food.

No. 287: Oh, The Humanity II

Study humanity

and you will find

we are the one thing
we have on our mind.
This excessive obsession with
our own kind
leaves the rest of “Creation”
in a bit of a bind.

Ignoring what was 

learned by Copernicus,
we persist in insisting 

it's all about us.
Jews, Christians, Muslims
point to the Bible
(a text widely seen
as unreliable)
which says in Genesis 1:26,

we're in God's image, 

his divine Xerox^®.
This grants us “dominion”.
(In our opinion.)

If you study humanity

here's what to expect.

Delusions of agency. . .

and of effect.

[updated 3/9/2018, 2:31 am]

No. 286.2: EXTRA! U.S. State Department Questions Trump NoKo Plan

State Department officials, including Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, were playing down the immediacy of talks in the hours before the White House rolled out the South Korean national security adviser, who made the surprise announcement that Trump would meet with Kim.

— WaPo: Trump’s North Korea gambit blindsides U.S. diplomats (Paywall)

EXCLUSIVE! Theatrical Cement Company News has obtained notes from sources within U.S. Department of State. Herewith our summary:

For all we know

all he wants is

a Trump Pyongyang

Hotel and Casino.

With, of course,

a luxury golf course,

where for Kim each hole's

a hole-in-one

or someone gets shot.

If Trump and Kim both agree to apologize

they may arrange an exchange of technologies.

If Trump teaches Kim the art of the smear,

Kim will show him how he makes foes disappear.

[updated 3/9/2018, 6:19 pm]

No. 286.1: EXTRA! Trump - Kim Set To Meet, Hold On To Your Seat

WASHINGTON — North Korea’s leader, Kim Jong-un, has invited President Trump to meet for negotiations over its nuclear program, an audacious diplomatic overture that would bring together two strong-willed, idiosyncratic leaders who have traded threats of war.

— NYT: Trump Is Said to Accept North Korea’s Invitation to Discuss Its Nuclear Program (Paywall)

Is there on Earth a room big enough

to contain two such massive egos?

When they get there will this odd pair

discover they're bosom amigos?

Scheduled for May, a long way away,

this meeting may go nowhere.

Needless to say, Trump and Kim may

be astounded by the other's hair.

Donald, doubtless, will school the dear leader
with details on the art of deal.
And for his part, no doubt, Kim will impart
his wisdom on bringing opponents to heel.

If Donald speaks of Roy Cohn's legal tactics
which cause those you oppose to have fits.
Kim can counter with the best anti-aircraft
you can use to blow them to bits.

[updated 3/8/2018, 9:55 pm]

No. 286: Tell Me Why

Since we don't hate former pets —

dogs, fishes, birds, cats —

and (sometimes) not fathers and mothers,

how do you explain

our near total disdain

for ex-friends, ex-spouses, ex-lovers?

No. 285.1: EXTRA! Jared Goes South (unaccompanied minor)

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - Senior adviser to U.S. President Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, will visit Mexico on Wednesday and meet President Enrique Pena Nieto, amid strained relations over trade and Trump’s demands that Mexico pay for a border wall.

“I see it as one of the few things of consequence that he can do that don’t require security clearance,” said Agustin Barrios Gomez, a former federal congressman and head of the working group on the future of U.S.-Mexico relations at the Mexican Council on Foreign Relations.

— Reuters: Kushner to visit Mexico after Trump tirades, testy phone call

Will this class trip meet with success?

After downgrade does Jared have GPS?

With Mueller now seemingly hot on his trail,

will he stay in Mexico to avoid jail?

Will Mexico greet him with kisses and hugs?

On the trip back will he smuggle drugs?

With Donald floundering gasping for air,

will Mexico care that Jared is there?

No. 285: Game, Set, Match (an old-TIMESY headline)

REACTIONARY ALT-RIGHT

SEIZES FULL POWER

—————————

Progressives Seeking Some Way To Cope

————————

TRYING TO DEAL WITH UNHAPPY FACT THAT

——————

ANGER ALWAYS TRUMPS HOPE

No. 284: One Tariffic Idea

Proponents of tariffs think smally.

You'll recall Mr. Smoot, Mr. Hawley?

Times were adverse

so they made things worse,

starting trade wars
with dumb tariff laws.

Please,

for a change,

can we think longer range?
Plan ahead 

and get something done?

Not too far ahead

for as Lord Keynes once said,
we're all dead

in the long run.

[updated 3/6/2018 1:17 pm]

No. 283.1: EXTRA! Mr. Ryan's Nay-borhood

“We are extremely worried about the consequences of a trade war and are urging the White House to not advance with this plan,” AshLee Strong, a spokeswoman for House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.), said in a statement Monday.

— WaPo: Ryan splits with Trump on trade as GOP lawmakers move to block planned tariffs (Paywall)

Is this, at last, respite from despair?

Have Paul Ryan's balls reappeared?

Has he grown a new pair?

Will the limp wimp stand up to the bully?

OR

for rea$on$ the publi¢ ¢an't under$tand fully,

will Ryan retreat, du¢k ba¢k in hi$ $hell

and let Trump ¢ontinue pell-melling to hell?

What are hi$ in$tru¢tion$ from Brother$ Ko¢h?

Will he ¢ontinue to be a $i¢k joke?

Of course, whatever 

Donald says one day,

can be untweeted the next before noon.

Who really can say? 

We suggest staying tuned.

[updated 3/5/2018, 8:59 pm]

No. 283: No Thing Sucks Seeds Like Excess

“He's now president for life. President for life. And he's great. . .I think it's great. Maybe we'll give that a shot someday.”

— FOX News: 'President for life' not a bad idea, Trump says of China proposal

Only for life?

Though verrrry  late,

Rocketman's granddad,

is still head of state!

When my son succeeds me — 

in twenty-four years 

(Oh, the gnashing of teeth.

Oh, what shedding of tears.) — 

I'll not be forgotten

down under the sod,

like Elvis and Lenin

I'll be a GOD. 
An immortal
looking down on mankind
from my Mar a Sky portal,
expecting to see
in my library-museum
my body encased in
glass and gold mausoleum.