№ 757: A Liberal Lament (plus a hope)

TOMORROW AND TOMORROW AND TOMORROW (December 26)

Now we know how the Romans felt
when their gods got thrown out of town
by that foreign (Mideastern) pretender 
wearing thorns for a crown.

What divine-right kingly sorts thought
when peasants shouted, «Aux armes!»
(Or its equivalent in whichever languages 
were spoken in workshops and down on the farms.)

Our Republican “friends” claim this is progress. 
To us it is not. It's regression.
We view their extremist obsessions 
as closely akin to demonic possession.

We foresee depression. Severe. Economic.
But if Donnie's wars aren't atomic,
we just have to wait until that day when
it is our turn to screw up again.

№ 756: Nancy And Donnie (a love duet) + 1 more

COMING DETRACTIONS (December 25)


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(with apologies to Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt)

NANCY: Well. . .
DONNIE: Well. . .
NANCY: Impeach.
DONNIE: Impeach?
NANCY: You're not beyond my reach.
DONNIE: You know what Mitch'll do.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: I say, “Screw you.”

NANCY Donnie?
DONNIE: Yes, “dear”?
NANCY: I have never seen a man. . .
DONNIE: A man?
NANCY: . . .so low.
DONNIE: That so?
NANCY: It's true. You're as low any man can go.
I have never seen a single man, I mean,
with zero moral sense.
DONNIE: If you want morals, you'll get Mike Pence.

NANCY: Impeach.
DONNIE: You screech.
NANCY: Chuck will put up a fight.
DONNIE: I've got my own Jews, too.
NANCY: Rot in hell.
DONNIE: The same to you.

NANCY: Donnie?
DONNIE: Yes, “dear”?
NANCY: Have you ever had a thought. . .
DONNIE: A thought?
NANCY: . . .that's pure?
DONNIE: I'm not sure.
NANCY: What a boor. Are you really rotten to the core?
Have you ever done a single thing, I mean,
not totally uncouth?
DONNIE: Well. . .I may have done so once. In my youth.

NANCY: Convict.
DONNIE: You're licked.
NANCY: Convict.
DONNIE: You're licked.
NANCY: The Senate will evict.
DONNIE: With Mitch there's not a chance.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: There's not a chance.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: Four more years.
NANCY: We will see.
DONNIE: Go wet your pants. . .


           *    *    *      ¯\_{ºº}_/¯      *    *    *

TRUMPING AT WINDMILLS

THE SKY IS FALLING (December 25)

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(with apologies to Burton Lane and E. Y. Harburg)

I look into a perfect sky
and guess what catch-es my eye
it's enough to make me cry
a Goddamned wind turbine
that darkens my skies
those Goddamned wind turbines hurt my eyes

Germans and Chinks 
want you to think
they got a “handle”
“Clean energy”!
but believe me. . .
can't hold a candle
to good old clean coal

It's just a Chink conspiracy
aimed at killing birds you see,
but Xi, he can't fool a guy like me
You may think that I whine
that my mind's in decline
but Goddamned wind turbines hurt my eyes

Let me just say 
I'm not Xi's sap
“Green energy”!
Take it from me. . .
a load of crap

№ 755: Christmas

NORTH POLE (December 24)

When they graduated from law school eight close friends,

Aram G. Bemerian
William A. Bright
Frederick Douglas Days
Hussein En-Mayal
Angela Mayor
Roger W. M. Mussersbee III
Tinisha X. White
and Iris C. Yorkris,

despite their varying backgrounds, interests and political leanings, vowed to one day form their own firm. 

Twenty-four years flew by.

Though they had kept "in touch" through the alumni bulletin and annual December holiday letters, dispersed as they were to major firms (law and otherwise), private practice, politics, elected and appointed office, they had forgotten their plan until last December when each, completely unbeknownst to all others, mentioned it in the annual letter.

Recognizing that this had to be more than a remarkable coincidence, they decided to talk it over at their twenty-fifth reunion. 

Last June they met and discussed the idea and decided that they were ready to take the plunge. 

Accordingly, each wrapped up his or her practice, job, elected or appointed office and on December 20, they announced the formation of their new firm:

Mayor Days Bemerian Bright En-Mayal Yorkris Mussersbee White.

№ 754.1: EXTRA! From Rudy's Greatest “Hits”

Rudy Giuliani, a Catholic, says he is ‘more of a Jew’ than George Soros, who survived the Holocaust (Paywall)

Rudolph W. Giuliani, President Trump’s personal lawyer, claimed in an interview that he is “more of a Jew” than Hungarian-born philanthropist George Soros, who survived the Holocaust.

The comment came amid a larger, seemingly boundless interview with New York Magazine’s Olivia Nuzzi, in which Giuliani reportedly claimed, without evidence, that former U.S. ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch was “controlled” by Soros. He went on to call Soros, a Jewish billionaire and influential Democratic donor, an “enemy of Israel.”

“He put all four ambassadors there. And he’s employing the FBI agents,” Giuliani said, before continuing the conspiracy-theory-laden diatribe.

“Don’t tell me I’m anti-Semitic if I oppose him. Soros is hardly a Jew. I’m more of a Jew than Soros is,” said Giuliani, who is Roman Catholic. “I probably know more about — he doesn’t go to church, he doesn’t go to religion — synagogue. He doesn’t belong to a synagogue, he doesn’t support Israel, he’s an enemy of Israel. He’s elected eight anarchist DA’s in the United States.”

GONE SOUTH, SPECIFICALLY (December 24)

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(with apologies to Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

I expect everyone of the Dems to make fun
of my loud protestations of fake ev-i-dance
And they'll say I'm naïve as a babe to believe
any fable I hear from some Russian transplants

FOX-ily I'll face them and shout all their doubts away
Boldly I'll sing about Bidens in Kyiv
Endlessly I'll open my fat lying mouth and say
conspiracy is really a Democrat sort of a thing

I'm not ashamed to reveal
the unusually delusional illogical feelings I feel

I'm more Jewish than someone like Soros,
a prime example of pure Jewish joy
Though I claim to be de-vout RC,
I am not really a goy
Nor can they say I'm Mafiosi
unlike — excuse me! — Nan-cy Pel-osi
Though I don't speak Yiddish
I am not at all skittish
which proves I'm not a goy
I am vain and insane and I go to Ukraine
to ferret out “facts”
what kind of critic says antisemitic
that is how I relax
I'm more Jewish than someone like Soros,
(I sometimes wear dresses, but never play coy)
Though I claim to be de-vout RC,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not really a goy

I'm more Jewish than someone like Soros,
(I sometimes wear dresses, but never play coy)
Though I claim to be de-vout RC,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,

I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,
I am not, I am not,

I am not really THAT goy

№ 754: High Crimes And Misdemeanors + 1 more

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THE SWAMP (December 23)

(with apologies to Bob Hilliard and Sammy Fain)

It's time for high crimes and misdemeanors
to bring Bad Donnie down
Because his high crimes and misdemeanors
should get his ass kicked out of town

Just take a good look
at Constitution
You know the Senate knows
Don't need no law books,
Trump's pure pollution
while GOPers hold their nose

And McConnell, why so quick to acquit
this third-rate, strictly low-rent clown
whose high crimes and misdemeanors
should get his ass kicked out of town

           *    *    *      ¯\_{ºº}_/¯      *    *    *

THE GHOST OF IMPEACHMENT PAST

WHERE WE ARE NOW (December 23)

President Nixon* was not a crook.
(Though he did do a few crooked things.)
That said, Donnie, despite Evangelicals**, 
ain't gonna “don” angel's wings.

Born corrupt, Donnie became corrupter
as he was taught to and as he sought to.
He found breaking laws a path to abrupt
stashes of cash. That laws can be laughed at
and people be bought off or silenced with NDAs.
If that didn't work, well. . .there were other ways
gleaned from his mentor, Roy Cohn 
(gangster lawyer, mouthpiece and queer***),
to cause a problem to. . .“disappear”.

Roy, like Trump's pal, Rudolph Giuliani,
would do anything for money and Donnie.
———————————
*not a “bad” person
**mostly “bad” people
***did not make him a “bad” person

№ 753: Presently (a recycling problem)

HERE AND NOW AND THEN AND ALWAYS (December 22)

When there are not enough wars

too many “patriots” live,

ready to credit conspiracy theories

and. . .well, what you'd call, fibs

told by “leaders” like Trump, Xi or Putin

and imagine allergies to things such as gluten.

However, whenever whole nations mobilize

and their crazies march off to fight,

ready — nay, eager! — to kill and to die

for what they, today, think is right,

many, bravely, succeed. AND surcease.

The result of which is what we call peace.

Haply, these interludes don't ever last
and we swiftly revert to our murderous past.