№ 452.2: EXTRA! You Are STILL In Kansas

LAT: Latino-majority town in Kansas moves its lone polling site outside city limits, triggering ACLU suit (Paywall)

DODGE CITY — This small Kansas town with a majority Latino population has moved its lone polling site to a tough-to-access location outside the city limits, drawing a federal lawsuit that claims the move is intended to discourage voters who have less access to transportation and don’t have flexible work schedules.

The Wichita Eagle reported that after the ACLU initially objected to the Dodge City's single, out-of-town location. [The election official who ordered the move, Ford County Clerk Deborah] Cox forwarded to the state an ACLU letter asking her to publicize a voter helpline.

"LOL," she wrote in an email to Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach's office.

In an eyes-only post script Ms. Cox added:

This ACLU lawsuit is not applicable.

To hint that I'm racist is, frankly, “Deth-spic-able!” 

That, I conjecture, is what Daffy Duck

would say in my place if he were stuck.

In Dodge, we advocate complete voting rights.

(For every last one of our car-owning whites.)

If Juan y Maria have a complaint to lodge,

I would suggest that they “get out of Dodge”.

Marque dos para espanol.

Si Juan y María tienen quejas para presentar 

Yo sugeriría que salgan de Dodge.

№ 452.1: EXTRA! Concerning Megyn — too PC or not PC, that's the digression

Kelly was born in Champaign, Illinois, to Edward Kelly. . .and Linda (née DeMaio). . . .She is of Italian and German descent on her mother's side and Irish descent on her father's. She was raised Roman Catholic. — Wikipedia

Megyn's part Eyetie.
Part Kraut.
Park Mick.

Also a Catholic.
And a good-lookin' chick!
She is delight.

(Of course, she is white!)

Perfect for daytime TV demographic.

A leggy, ex-FOX “Friend”/employee —

maybe not quite as hot as she used to be
now that she's, what?, practically 50!

But she slipped in a quip
about being PC,
“White folk in black face
is okay by me.”
Later adding, “Goodbye, NBC.”
Splash one Prosecco blond,

potato-brain Nazi.

Think this is cruel?
I plead Megyn's Rule:
it's okay to be
anti-PC.
If you don't like it,
go ahead, fire me.

№ 452: Trump Arms At Crossed Purposes?

What is Trump hiding,

arms crossed on chest,  

behind his desk,

when asked a question?

Is he deciding

the kind of lie

he wants to try?

Is it just indigestion

from Cokes and Big Macs,

his bedtime snacks?

(Is it, alas,

that he has to pass gas

and too shy to impart

The Art Of The Fart?)

Does he think he's hiding

his tiny hands?
His fans in the Klan?

Is it itchy sweat glands?

Is it, at this junction,

erectile dysfunction?

A fear of castration

in front of the nation?

Does he need to “make water”?

Is he feeling fraught or

is he distraught for

his favorite daughter?

Is he — dare I ask it? —

contemplating his casket?

How does immorality
confront mortality?

№ 451: Bombast: messages from our lied-er

WSJ: Explosive Devices Sent to Clinton, Obama, CNN, Former Head of Democratic National Committee

Investigators are looking into whether Democrats are being targeted

President Trump, speaking at the White House, vowed to bring those responsible for sending the bombs to justice and said there is no place in the country for political violence.

My great supporters – always – the best,

your apple pies, our flag and your moms.

So, I ask, please, at my behest,

could you knock off this shit with the bombs?

There's no need for violence,

trust me, I'll silence

all of those folks you deplore.

And what is more, I'll settle the score

for today, for tomorrow and forevermore.

(And sign bombers' pardons

in the Rose Garden.)

 

Bombs would be quicker,

but courts'll be slicker.

I gotta tell ya,

blood makes me sicker

than I ever was

with my painful bone spurs,

which set to zero

my chance to play hero

and alone, by myself, win

Southeast Asia Wars.

WSJ: U.S. Stocks Fall Sharply as Markets Extend Rocky Stretch

Nasdaq loses 4.4%, Dow and S&P 500 indexes relinquish their gains for 2018 in late day selloff

The Nasdaq Composite plunged into correction territory after its worst day in more than seven years. . .

There is no crisis.

My Wall Street advisers

will fix share prices

or I'll blame ISIS.

Shares can't go down

while I'm around.

NO interruption

of my corruption.

№ 450: Trump Statement Of Principles

NYT: Donald Trump Is Lyin’ Up a Storm (Paywall)

Me? Lie? Like it's a “crime”

to fool Allah the people Allah the time?

Abe Lincoln wudda if he'd had social media.

But he did not! (You can check Wikipedia.)

So, say sometimes I lie. . .

Mostly it works. A guy's gotta try.

Some of my lies are highly reliable —

chapter and verse — straight from THE BIBLE*.

Okay, I distort, torture with words,

draw conclusions you know are absurd?

Let @failingTimes go fume and cuss.

Mike Pence says, “God is with us.”

_______

*Editor's note: he's LY-ing.

№ 449: Bordering On Insanity (a conspiracy theory)

WSJ: Migrant Caravan Amasses in Mexico as Trump Warns of Foreign-Aid Cuts

Thousands plan to head to southern Oaxaca state; president alerts U.S. Border Patrol and military that the caravan is a national emergency

Curious. . .this caravan. . .creeping our way. . .

marching on toward Election Day. . .

Is it paid for — I mean no joke —

by uber-conservative Chuck 'n' Dave Koch?

To propagandize — ALL DAY ON TV! — GOP fears

of where might be in a few years

if we fail to install Donald's bew-ti-full wall?

I don't know. It could be. Jes sayin'. Is all.

N.B. Never, never, EV-ER, confuse
these “refuges” with the St. Louis Jews!

On Tex-Mex border, amidst chaos and cactus,

will Donald's Proud Boys take “target practice”?

№ 448: Coming Distractions — Republican Frictions & Fractions

Some “facts” are “true”-ish,

some “facts” are not-ish — it

doesn't matter

if there's a profit.

Some things are “right”,
others are “wrong”,
but when we smell money,
we go along.

We'd vote for the devil

and never think twice,

if he says he's down with

Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Although we are

“the party of Lincoln”,

the Fifteenth Amendment

is not to our thinking.

We're for the Armed Forces

expanding their role,

when not winning wars,

policing our polls.

We don't draft legislation.

We're hobbyists!

Crafting the law 

that's for lobbyists.

I'd ruther my son/daughter

marry a New York sewer rat

than settle down 

with some prevert Democrat.

For the good of the nation,

flush rules down the potty. 

End all regulation!

(Except lady bodies.)

Some immigrants just

might be all right.

(IF they speak English,

IF they're pure lily-white.)

(When we appear

on Post Office posters,

will we crowd out

La Cosa Nostras?)