№ 437: Dominion (PRESTO!: a GOP/Christian/Libertarian Mephistophelean manifesto)

We are God's carnivores!

God made us free

to eat anything
we decree, 

in any way, 
dumber than we.

We human beings —

God's chosen, US! —

are allowed to eat everything.

What's to discuss?

Interpolating

God's clear intent,

we can DO ANYTHING!

(Except during Lent.

When, for example,

in place of hair shirts

we show we're holy

by skipping desserts.)

It also follows,

as night does day,

the best amongst us

have final say

on WHO gets to live

WHO needs to die

WHO does NOT get

a sliver of pie.

If you are a slave
and I am free
it's what God wants
for eternity.

It's all in accord

with Almighty's plan.

You know, “Almighty”?

Roosian-born Ayn?

Though Jesus is still

our afterlife darlin',

for here and now livin',

we prefer Rand and Darwin.

BONUS FOR US CARNIVORES


Email subscribers click here.

№ 436: Kavanaugh, Above The Law?

NYT: Kavanaugh’s 1983 Letter Offers Inside Look at High School Clique (Paywall)

In a 1983 letter, a copy of which was reviewed by The New York Times, the young Judge Kavanaugh warned his friends of the danger of eviction from an Ocean City, Md., condo. In a neatly written postscript, he added: Whoever arrived first at the condo should “warn the neighbors that we’re loud, obnoxious drunks with prolific pukers among us. Advise them to go about 30 miles...”

In June 1983, Brett Kavanaugh wrote a two-page letter to seven friends about their coming “Beach Week” condo rental. (Some names have been redacted.) NYT

The second page of the 1983 letter to friends in advance of their “Beach Week” jaunt in Ocean City, Md. (Some names have been redacted.) NYT

What did we do,

me and my peers?

1983?

OUR SENIOR YEAR?

All I recall is

lift weights,

drink beers.

We DID NOT “boof”.

We were not queers.

My calender's proof,

we persevered.

Cloudy or clear:

lift weights,

drink beers.

This simple story

clearly coheres.

All of that summer,

all of that year.

All that we did was

lift weights,

drink beers.

There weren't girls

anywhere near.

It's like I said:

lift weights,

drink beers.

(I am not clear

if parents were there.

All I recall is

lift weights,

drink beers.)

It's so unfair,

these vicious smears.

There was no sex.

Lift weights,

drink beers.

And you bet your ass

I was top of my class

and now it appears

adieu career?

Is this the end?

Lift weights,

drink beers.

Let me be clear:

I. DID. NOT. DO. IT!

(but if I did. . .

lift weights,

drink beers.)

BONUS

(WARNING!: Scene of “boys being boys” from 1997 film In The Company Of Men. Viewer discretion is advised.)

Email subscribers click here.

№ 435.2: EXTRA! In Re: Kavanaugh

In re: Kavanaugh,
who happens to have
the teensiest flaw.
In point of fact
his flaws are rife
and a SCOTUS Justice
must be like Caesar's wife.
When FBI says
Brett blatantly lied,
he'll have to be
disqualified.
Naturally, Trump will,
angrily curse
then go and nominate
somebody worse.
Someone who is, however,
perfectly pure
without an obvious
stench of manure.

№ 435.1: EXTRA! Ask Not What Kavanaugh Can Do To, er, FOR You. . .

Okay, lemme see if I get how this works?
Because Brett got older he isn't a jerk?
For upper class preppies, just one of the perks?

Indiscretions of youth are of no account?
If granddaddy had large bank account,
there is no problem you can not surmount?

Oblige the noblest amongst us, the blessed?
Follow whatever path they say is best?
Don't say or do anything to cause them distress?

Kiss the big toes on the glorious feet
of the vastly superior high-born elite
to show you are grateful that they let you eat?

№ 435: A Plea For A Christian Guy's GOP

How dare you say we can't be racist or sexist!

If that's not allowed what's coming next is

a demand we abandon God's commanded opinion

where we're forced to forswear our quest for dominion

over the Earth?  (In His holy name.)

Now that would be really a hell of a shame.

№ 434: Donald Trump Is Easy To Mock

Donald Trump is so easy to mock,
a poster boy for “a laughing stock”.
His lives telling lies while selling schlock.
Donald Trump is easy to mock.

At a young age, Donald went off half-cocked.
He's bragged on his sex life with a shock jock.
What he said there was clearly a crock.
Donald Trump is so easy to mock.

If he were a company, who'd buy the stock?
He'd lie all the time if he were a clock.
If in his Coke someone dropped some hemlock,
he'd be gone. Somewhere. Under a rock.

Donald Trump is so easy to mock.
Though never in combat, he is shell-shocked.
He practices sex in and out of wedlock.
Donald Trump is so easy to mock.

Donald Trump is so easy to mock.
His business is to Russians in hock.
His brain vaporized like Eniwetok.
Donald Trump is too easy to mock.

Donald Trump is so easy to mock.
He loves signing his name like he is John Hancock.
If he believes anything, it's pure poppycock.
Donald Trump is so easy to mock.

Donald Trump was never a jock.
Unhappily “bone spurs” his destiny blocked.
There are days he can't tell Iran from Iraq.
Donald Trump is so easy to mock.

Donald Trump preens like a peacock.
What he see as successes are mostly post hoc.
In Britain, they'd lock him in the prisoner's dock.
Donald Trump is easy to mock.

Donald Trump is a total train wreck
and my poor rhyming can have no effect.
(Because, after all, what can you expect?
But then I figure: Oh, what the heck?)

Donald Trump loves causing a fuss,
throws wives and cronies under the bus.
There is something here we need to discuss:
are we mocking him or is he mocking us?

And by “us” I  mean — please, don't get hysterical —
EVERYONE. Even folks Evangelical
who see Donald Trump as Yahweh's cat's-paw,
whereas, as Donald Trump sees it, “L'etat c'est moi!”

№ 433: Lives Of Two Failed Men

Although playwright Miller would not have admitted it,
Donald Trump is Willy Loman.
BOTH Donald and Willy cheat on their wives.
BOTH are salesmen and showmen.
BOTH have two useless, moaning grown sons
created in their own image.
BOTH taught their sons to steal and to lie.
(And neither said, “Finish your spinach!”)
BOTH are addicted to enormous pomposity.
BOTH demonstrate extreme grandiosity.

People suffering from grandiose delusions believe themselves extraordinary. — Wikipedia

Willy, for reasons unclear,

is considered somehow sympathetic.

While Donald, let me be perfectly clear,

though he endangers us, is truly pathetic.

So. . .tote it all up! You do the math.

Willy's a failure. Donald's a psychopath.