Friday, January 31, 2020

№ 782: A New Christian Prayer (heaven on Earth, ripped from the deadlines)

HOLY APPROPRIATE (January 30)

Let us now pray. Jesus, inspire us.
Please give the Dems coronavirus.
Strike them down dead, dispatch them to hell
along with the Muslims. Hispanics as well.
And also the Mormons. (For Romney's Trump tactics.)
Plus dopey Pope Francis and LIB-ER-EL Catholics.
If you choose to spare Jews, please send them elsewhere.
Eretz Israel instead of near here.

As for all the others who we can't tell apart,
if you “disappear” them, it would be a start
at making the world one White Christian nation
for north Europeans. (With no taxation.)
If you could do this it would be so nice.
We'd have no need for Paradise
We could live on — on Earth! — forever.
Foregoing death. AND heaven. Whatever.

Thursday, January 30, 2020

№ 781.1: EXTRA! Blow Hard

Trump border wall between US and Mexico blows over in high winds
Steel panels being installed between Calexico and Mexicali are part of the US president’s attempt to enhance the border barrier


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A BETTER PLACE (January 30)

Mending Wall
BY ROBERT FROST
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
‘Stay where you are until our backs are turned!’
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
‘Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows? But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.’ I could say ‘Elves’ to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me,
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’

Bonus

№ 781: Peace In Our Crime

JAREDLAND (January 29)


Jared’s incredible Mid East Peace Plan
is one hundred percent gonna work.
And anyone sayin’ it hasn’t a chance
exposes himself as a jerk.
This plan is based on historical precedent
of two peoples living together.
That Israel will be somewhat more powerful
is not a surprise altogether.


Israel will have total control of the land, the air and the water.
Palestinians will have partial authority over their sons, their wives, and their daughters
on reservations which will be destinations 
for planeloads of American tourists
who will buy native handcrafts and take selfie photographs
with these Palestinian “Indians”
who’ll have Jared to thank
for smallpox-laced blankets
premature death and sense of despair
which Trump's Evangelicals and Bibi's land grabbers
see as Biblically fair.
In their corrupt Gospel
it's the only peace poss'ble.

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

№ 780: Revelation In Senate (for friends with benefits)

THE SENATE PIT (January 28)

Jesus (in glory) descends on the Senate,
commanding John Roberts, “SIT down!
You are not worthy of judging my Donnie.
Nor are the rest of you clowns!”


While seraphim gambol, blowing their cornets
and angels sing Hallejuellas,
Jesus seizes the Dems by their horns
saying, “I am returning to rule ya!


“No more abortion, to hell with gay rights, 
women get barefoot and pregnant.
And don’t even mention one man one vote’.
The notion, to me, is repugnant.


“You can forget the ungodly idea
of freely electing your leaders.
Read my lips! ‘KINGDOM of Heaven.’
Democracy’s not for believers.


“And what makes you think ‘all men are equal’?
Totally stupid idea!
Of course I play favorites. (Hint: NOT the Jews).
Have you paid no attention all of these years?


“I’m back, I’m proud, I’m White, I’m loud,
I speak English, NOT Aramaic.
Whoever suggests I do otherwise,
I herewith condemn to Passaic


“or Lodi or somewhere in Jersey
with devils and Kushners and Christie.
Ah, happy days then . . . the Trenton State Pen . . .
It makes me tearful and misty.


“I HAVE RETURNED.
I REIGN SUPREME.
I CALL THE SHOTS.
(Ya know what I mean?)


“Donnie and Jesus.
Jesus and Donnie.
Who’s conning who?
Sing, ‘Hey, nonny-nonny!’”

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

№ 779: What A Re-Bolton Development This Is . . .

WAIT A MINUTE (January 27)
Talk about a bolt from the blue!
Another Never Trump liar!
And after I treated him so very nicely . . .
what a SAD brush-mustachioed guy!
No need at all for Bolton to testify,
I did not do anything wrong.
And if I did it was to show how the Bidens
were the real crooks all along.
The only fair and just outcome is this,
“Disaster” Roberts says, “Case is dismissed.”

Monday, January 27, 2020

№ 778: Fair Is When We Win

REALITY BYTES (January 26)


All is fair in love and war.
Therefore, it is alright to cheat.
And in all fairness, it isn't cheating . . .
it’s simply preventing defeat,
assisting the gods, improving the odds,
ensuring that virtue prevails,
that we come out on top, victors. Full stop.
Ignore the gory details.
If we steal the sign or deflate the ball,
I would not call that cheating at all.
We competed. We happened to win.
Though it did help that the fix was in.