№ 667.2: EXTRA! God Is A Joke

Not the Messiah: Trump insists ‘chosen one’ China trade war remark was a joke

• President made initial claim about policies towards Beijing
• Many observers questioned president’s mental state

INSOUCIANCE, ID (August 24)

Let me be clear, I don't think I'm God.
(Though could be God thinks he's me?)
The “Almighty” maybe created Creation
but I was elected by an ENTIRE nation,
bigger and greater than ancient Israel,
which never was a REALLY big deal.
He can keep his heavenly bower.
I prefer my fire power.

Sorry my statement caused a commotion.
I don't want to be God. Who needs a demotion?

№ 667.1: EXTRA! Whipping The Bosporus (now that IS preposterous)

Trump Lashes Out at China, Sending Markets Falling

Reacting to Beijing’s announcement of more tariffs, president raises U.S. tariffs, says ‘we don’t need China’ and takes fresh aim at Fed’s Jerome Powell

President Trump said he “hereby ordered” U.S. companies doing business in China to explore relocating their operations. . .

DELUSIONAL AS USUAL (August 23)

 I hereby order the sun to shine
 twenty-five hours a day.
 When it refuses, I'll say, “We'll see.”
 I always have it my way.
 I hold my breath until I turn orange
 and mommy says, “Oh dear, oh dear.
 Just you wait 'til your daddy gets home,
 I ken he'll orange your rear.”
 But daddy did not, saying, “Du kleiner Rotz,
 you really do have some style.
 Here, have a million, you little villain.
 I think I'm going senile.”

 Roy Cohn taught me to always attack 
 but not to forget to stop for a snack.
 It makes you hungry — being a jerk.
 I make it look easy, but it is hard work.

№ 667: Theme Form Commodus*

COLONIA TRUMPONIANA (August 22)

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(with apologies to Ernest Gold and Pat Boone)

Greenland is mine God gave Greenland to me
Like me he sees Greenland ice free
so when the glaciers melt I can dig out the belt
of minerals that China will envy

So understand Greenland belongs to me
I own Greenland is how it has to be
For I am just the man to cause the tides to rise
as God knows I am never wrong

So understand Greenland belongs to me
I own Greenland is how it has to be
For I am just the man to cause a mountain slide
as God knows I am never wrong
I'll make Greenland my own
I wanna buy I'll buy to make Greenland my own
Though Greenlanders cry Greenland is mine
————————
*Encyclopædia Britannica: Commodus

№ 666: Making Sausage

Danish PM ‘surprised and disappointed’ over cancelled Trump visit

US president faces criticism for calling off Denmark trip after he is told Greenland not for sale

DONNIEWANTLAND (August 21)

(with apologies to Victor Herbert and Glen MacDonough)

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Denmark loan shark
both you'll note rhyme with Deutsche Mark
which next to the dollar
was my favorite currency

until Euro
which rhymes with Politburo
arose to eclipse it
and annoy the hell out of me

If you are an alpha male
as marvelous as I
you can demand a Greenland sale 
or know the reason why 
I want it so I could cry

Denmark mean land
refuses to sell me Greenland
and so I will not visit them
which I hope annoys their Queen

№ 665: Self-explanatory

DONNIE EVEN THINK ABOUT IT (August 20)

I'm the least racist person
you'll ever meet.
I treat EVERYONE equal
beneath my feet.

I'm the least sexist person
who you could know.
Love bitches kennel club 
votes “best in show”.

I'm also the smartest.
I have the best hair.
In kindergarten I had
best clean underwear.

I'm so together,
so set apart,
clearly superior,
state-of-the-art.

Even God wishes
he had my flair.
He especially envies
my humongous pair.

№ 664: Hopeless?

EVERYWHERE (August 19)

Can we — PLEASE! — stop speaking of “race”?
Really, there is NO. SUCH. THING!

Skin color, ethnicity, language, religion.
Nationality! Culture! Those distinctions
that do have some meaning.
Albeit slight, despite what you're feeling.

But were we to recognize “race” has no place,
that still would not heal our schisms.

Plus we would need to invent a new word
to replace what today's called “racism”.

Crick here

№ 663: From Donnie Greatest Fits: Hit The Road In Greenland (not available in stores)

(with apologies to Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer)

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Bye-bye, glacier,
time you hit the road in Greenland.
I'll erase yer
just shut up and eat some cod.

Melt down, glacier.
Time for climate change in Greenland.
In your face, you're
dealing with a demi-god.

You should at least assume
I'm nuttier than any loon.
Gotta say it looks like doom.
A disaster.

Bye-bye, glacier,
time you hit the road in Greenland.
I'll erase yer.
I think I'm divine but I'm really a kind toad.
Time you hit the road.