№ 557.3: EXTRA! Report Card Time

Robert Mueller’s Report on Trump-Russia Probe Delivered to Attorney General Barr

WASHINGTON, March 22

...ultimately it will be up to Congress to decide whether any of the facts about Mr. Trump uncovered by Mr. Mueller constitute an impeachable offense.

Mueller is coming.

Trump is running scared.

Michael Pence is hoping

Donald won't be spared,

praying to his God

that sometime after Lent,

Donald will be gone

and he'll be president.

№ 557.2: EXTRA! A New Revelation Revealed (Really!)

Pompeo says God may have sent Trump to save Israel from Iran

US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has said it is "possible" that President Donald Trump was sent by God to save Israel from Iran.

WASHINGTON, March 23

This just in. And it's truly stunning.

Trump is revealed as the second (first?) coming,

come to save Israel from evil Iran

Syria, Qatar and Pakistan.

Actually anywhere Muslims are found

but since Muslims hate dogs, not the dog pound

where all things Trump do tend to go

since none has the ever been judged “best in show”.

Therefor, if one is hunting for witches,

one only need look where these sons of bitches

congregate, salivate, dementedly fulminate:

“We've told you a thousand times if we've told you once,

Trump is the chosen one, Gott ist mit uns.”

[corrected 3/22/2019, 10:30 pm EDT]

№ 557.1: EXTRA! Without (additional) Rhyme — REALLY!

Trump Reverses Additional North Korea Sanctions Announced a Day Ago

President’s announcement via Twitter surprised U.S. officials who had described sanctions as modest but necessary steps

“President Trump likes Chairman Kim and he doesn’t think these sanctions will be necessary,” White House press secretary Sarah Sanders said Friday, shortly after Mr. Trump’s tweet.

Email subscribers click here.

№ 557: You Know What You Can Do With Your Garbage (a message from The People.s Republic Of China)

As Costs Skyrocket, More U.S. Cities Stop Recycling (Paywall)

With China no longer accepting used plastic and paper, communities are facing steep collection bills, forcing them to end their programs or burn or bury more waste.


Email subscribers click here.

(with apologies to Jack Rhodes and Dick Reynolds)

BEIJING, March 21

We don't want your old newspapers
pizza boxes plastic spoons
You can't us what to do
you gross Trumped-up poltroon
We'll build our own world trading
scheme and colonize the moon 
while you wallow in your garbage
you big fat fake tycoon

This is gonna to be our era
it's a fact that China's back
and we will not be faked out
by a loud mouth Trump attack
You now owe us all your money
so we're gonna be just fine
We'll let you pay us slowly
but you better pay on time.

№ 556: High Nunes (shoots foot at the YouTube Corral?)

Goats, cows and Devin Nunes' mom: how a Republican's Twitter lawsuit backfired

In the lawsuit against Twitter and a handful of users, the California Republican claims to be the victim of vicious internet trolls....

WASHINGTON, March 20
(with apologies to Sir John Suckling)

Why so pale and wan, dear Devin?

Prithee, why so pale?

Pretty please, do not tell me

thy ego is so frail.

Prithee, why so pale?

Why thy silly suit, dear Devin?

Prithee, why thy suit?

Being friend to Murdoch's FOX,

thou know'st truth is moot.

Prithee, why thy suit?

Knock it off, thou gormless fool,

thou sniveling Trump toady,

thou dumb-ass bigot, alt-right tool,

thou sad Wile E. Coyote.

If thou construe that insult be,

I invite thee: come sue me.

№ 555: My Budget Buy The Иumbers (by Donald J. Trump, Genius)

Trump Budget Relies on Up to $1.2 Trillion in Potentially Phantom Revenues

Up to $390 billion comes from taxes created by the Affordable Care Act, which president wants to repeal

Trump’s budget blueprint for the next decade relies on up to $1.2 trillion in revenue that might not materialize.

The budget assumes the government will collect as much as that amount between 2020 and 2029 from taxes the administration opposes or from scheduled tax increases that are likely to draw strong business opposition. The $1.2 trillion estimate comes from the Committee for a Responsible Federal Budget, an independent bipartisan nonprofit.

The numbers don’t add up.

As even I can see.

But, of course, such small details

don't mean a thing to me.

I am, you know, a bankrupt.
I corrupt democracy.

Vlad made it my feudal fief.
(Am I not beyond belief?)

I'm Donald Trump. I eat Big Macs.

I give Liberals heart attacks.

If the Dems get in my way,

“Release the Kraken,” I will say.
I'm looking for the least excuse
to turn my (WELL-ARMED) legions loose.

I can start a civil war.

This stupid job is such a bore,
Boring stuff I do not need.
(Like that crap I “need” to read
that gets me feeling apoplectic.)
Some folks tell me I'm dyslexic.
But that's FAKE NEWS I have to say.
Why won't the Times see things my way?
Might stop them failing then because
that's what Rupert's Journal does.

№ 554: Trump, No Racist He (a pome by Donald J. Trump, Genius)

I have never been a racist.

Just ask anyone.

Go and ask my (current) wife.

My daughters or my sons.

Ask anyone who's worked for me —

except rat-fink Michael Cohen

who was to me as Judas was to. . .

you see where I'm goin'?

If Fred, my father, were still here,

you could ask him. Without fear,

he's stand before you and you'd see

he was not completely Nazi.

I love yellows. I love browns.

(Those who aren't Demo clowns.)

I love Hispanics. I love THE BLAXS.

(Those who aren't FAKE NEWS hacks.

And between me and you

those few without a low IQ,

the favored few with brains to see

how smart it is to worship me.)

I love Americans! 

Okay? Alright? 

If they're born here

and they're white.

When it comes to push and shove,
are there people I don't love?
Well, a few. Indians. Maybe.
Whose casinos run successfully.

№ 553: The Hollow Men

(with apologies to T. S. Eliot)

Mr. Trump-he said.

A kopek for the tie guy.

V

Thumbs galumphing goes Donald Trump

Donald Trump Donald Trump

Thumbs galumphing goes Donald Trump

Tweeting at five in the morning.

Between the idea

And the venality

Between the demolition

And the Act V finality

Lie follows lie

For this is the Abyss

Between the corruption

And the causation

Between the self-promotion

And the crowd's adulation

Lie follows lie

This wood be king

Between the conspiracy

And the chasm

Between the frequency

And the excrescence

Between the pretense

And the descent

Lie follows lie

For this is the Abyss

The hollow

“Conservative”

GOP submissive

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends

With this execrable pimple.