No. 252.2: EXTRA! Cream Puffs At Dewdrop Cabal

(with apologies to Glenn Frey, J.D. Souther, Don Henley and Jackson Browne)

[Email subscribers see blog for music and Eagles original lyrics.]

They were Ryan, Trump, McConnell,
scheming liars without shame.
Slashing regs and cutting taxes,
corporations stand to gain.

“Ayn Randy” Ryan knew it was God's will
he was picked to fix the budget bill.
So “Atlas Mugged” was he that he knew that
her nonsense notion was as good as fact.

Better keep on movin', Speaker Ryan,
till your bad heart sets you free.
Exercise and careful living
can't change genetic destiny.

With Congress under GOP control,
they was waitin' for the White House, 
to reach their final goal.
Someone unencumbered by a soul,
not McCain and, please, not Romney, 
but someone who loved gold.
McConnell-Ryan met the Donald,
grabbin' pussy and oozin' slime.
They smiled and said, “You're perfect.”
And so we left democracy behind.

No. 252.1: EXTRA! Hi No One

Do not forsake us, U.S. Congress
on this midwinter day.
Do not forsake us, U.S. Congress
jes' git along.

I read a most disturbing rumor
that Trump will negotiate
with Dem Senate leader Schumer.
We need plan t' move up to Can'da,
'n learn their song afore it is too late.

[Email subscribers: go to blog to for audio and video.]

[updated 1/19/2018 4:06 pm]

No. 252: Quarrels With Morals

From the masses —

the lower classes —

morality can't be expected.

In the upper class —

where they pamper their ass —

morality can't be detected.

This answers the riddle

why we in the middle

seem so damned dejected.

No. 251.1: EXTRA! Steve Bannon's Thinking

Let me tell you why

Trump's still my guy

despite the fact he kinda sorta fired me.

He assured me that

our bit of a spat

had no impact, that he still admired me.

Yes, I lost Rebekah Mercer

who had been my purser

showering huge fortunes on my causes.

I'm out at Breitbart too. . .

(I blame Jared, THE JEW!

Jews own news and it makes me nauseous.)

I'm still down with Donald Trump.

Do I hear you go, “Hrump”?

See, he's the John the Baptist to my Jesus?

As it's been foretold,

first it gets real cold.

I take over after. When hell freezes.

Keep cool. Just sit tight.

All things will be alt-right.

I bring you national salvation.

After Donald and me

set OUR people free

and America learns to take dictation.

No. 251: Height Jinx, Weighty Matters

Trump’s driving license, issued in May 2012, stated his height as 6ft 2in. Yet according to the report issued by the White House physician on Tuesday, Trump is 6ft 3in.

Eyebrows were also raised at Trump’s stated weight. His mass of 239lb was just 1lb under him being classed as obese. — Guardian

[Email subscribers: see blog for music and original lyrics.]

[with apologies to Percy Weinrich (music) and Jack Mahoney (lyrics) or Ray Henderson (music) and Sam M. Lewis, Joseph Widow Young (lyrics)]

Six foot two? Six foot three?

Two-thirty-nine? Obesity!

Can Donald even see his feet?

Brain all mold, “hair” all gold, 

a stable genius, so we're told.

And, sweet Jesus, does he tweet!

Now, if you like nuts with bloated guts

who love junk food

(three Big Macs for bedtime snacks),

we've got one, and boy he's lewd.

But would he lie, would he cheat,

would he wear a hood and sheet?

Can Donald even see his feet?

(Wash, rinse, repeat.)

No. 250: Dealing With Phone Scams From India

When you try to score

from Bangalore,

I may be rude

and ask if you're nude.

Lower my credit card rate!

Fix my computer!

Gimme a break.

I know you crooks are

tryin' to steal my identity.

Joke's on you —

'sworth bupkis, ya see.

Borsh for karandish,

ecliptic unevin,

yeast gor Miles Standish

ess even Steven.

[कराडिश के लिए बोर्श,
क्रांति असमान,
मील के लिए खमीर Standish
स्टीवन को भी संक्षेप में]

No. 249: The GOP Path Forward

Dems gotta admit to their chagrin

our GOP's free of original sin.

Republican sin from time aboriginal

has never been the least bit original.

Any sin our Grand Old Party commits

is “in God's name”. (Which He permits.)

God loves sinners. God loves boozers,

God loves winners. God hates losers.

Through trial, tribulation, locusts and famine

we've striven to serve both God and Mammon.

The trick is to stick to what's tried and true

never — but NEV-ER! — try anything new.

Keep on, keeping on, do what you're doin'.

Onliest way to avoid certain ruin.

Lost? Don't change course. Drive faster and faster.

Changing direction is courting disaster.

Whenever you encounter a setback,
blame it on a Mexican wetback
or anyone with a natural tan
who, unlike you, is not pale and wan.

No. 248.1: EXTRA! Trump Says He Is Not A Racist

It is obvious.

Trump is no racist.

He holds not one racist view.

Just as no one in Germany
ever hated a Jew.

Also,

he is not a sexist.

He holds all women dear.

If he held even one woman dearer,

it would be ever so queer.

Immigrants yellow,
immigrants brown,
even immigrants black. . .

It's matter of FACT

they lack the “knack”

to be red, white and blue.

Maybe a few —
if they're workhorses —

can earn their keep

at his golf courses,

so long as they work really cheap.

No. 248: Save The Last Walls For Me

Something there is that doesn't love a wall. . . 
— Robert Frost, “Mending Wall”

Something there is that DOES love a wall.

The fretful. The fearful. The weak. The small.

Those who equate foreign with hate.

Walls, by their nature, do not last long —

no matter how tall, no matter how strong.

Matter of fact they ain't worth persuin',

'cept if you're into buildin' a ruin.

It is, by golly,
another Trump Folly,
Trump's off his trolley,
a painting by Dali.

The Persistence of Memory (1931)

No. 247.2: EXTRA! How Do You Solve A Problem Like The Donald?

Rupert Murdoch

thinks he's lazy,

stupider than crazy,

with a hazy

understanding

of all things.

Without a soul

and uncontrolled,

he's unable to withhold

firing pointless arrows

with his slings.

The GOP is stressing

Paul Ryan's near confessing

he wishes he'd become a priest,

save for fearing God

would think his thinking odd: 

Ayn Randy, not Christian in the least.

Hamlet made the point

“The time is out of joint”,

seconded today by Mitch McConnell.

The party of Abe Lincoln

has given up on thinkin'.

There's stupid,

then there's crazy,

then there's Donald.

[Updated 1/15/2017, 4:18 pm]

No. 247.1: EXTRA! Speak The Speech I Pray You

We have reviewed the audio from our interview with President Trump, as well as the transcript provided by an external service, and stand by what we reported. Here is audio of the portion the White House disputes. — WSJ

I'm over the moon

for Kim Jong Un

or would be

if I could speak clearly.

He leads one of my favorite nations.

A country blessedly free of Haitians.

In a world of catch as catch can

I love all places unAfrican.

My excuse:

my dentures were loose

so I sound as dumb speaking

as I tweet thumbs freaking

out fake media

with my alt-fact encyclopedia.

I leave these fakes to their fates.

Gor blesh th' U-n-i-did Schtaetz.