No. XCV: Headlines & Propinquity

WSJ: Wall Street Journal fires correspondent over ethics conflict (Paywall)

WSJ: How Uber Backers Orchestrated Kalanick’s Ouster as CEO (Paywall)

Solomon by the Journal gets bumped.
Uber gives Travis a "Lyft" to the dump.
Your name in headlines has consequences!
(Unless your name's Donald Trump.)

I ain't sayin' nutin'. YOU tell me what it means.
John Gotti and Donald bot' grew up in Queens.
An' people against 'em...
(Mebbe sleeps wit' sardines?)

No. XCIV: What's Gnu? (Beest Not Ask)

WaPo: This river kills thousands of wildebeests — then gives life to everything else. (Paywall)

African wildebeests are like clueless couples that get hacked to pieces in horror movies. Time after time, year after year, giant herds of the animals creep to the edge of the Mara River in Kenya and start to drink, seemingly oblivious to danger.

The spectacle in countless nature documentaries can bring viewers to the edge of their seats. They want to warn them. There are huge crocodiles in the river! Don’t they see the danger? But by this point, the herd is already leaping into the water, the crocs have grabbed a few by their throats and are logrolling to rip away limbs. In no time, the hoofs of hundreds of dead wildebeests are pointing skyward.

It looks awful, but according to a surprising new report led by researchers at Yale University, the yearly massacre of 6,000 wildebeest on the Serengeti is good for the Mara River watershed.

Amongst things a human can't

is comprehend life as ruminant
who must cross a river
where crocodiles slither
to be ecological lubricant.

If your role is lion-hyena feast...
Nu? What to do? Call a priest?
What sort of a god
could be so hard
as to create the life of a wildebeest?

No. XCIII: Job Desecration

WSJ: Ford to Import Next-Generation Focus Compact Car to U.S. From China (Paywall)

The auto maker scraps plans to build Focus in Mexico amid Nafta debate

Way to go, Donnie, saving the jobs
of all us hard-working American slobs.
No Fords to be built by Mexican rookies.
They'll come from China. (With fortune cookies!)
China! You know? Those folks who would croak us.
And you will notice the nameplate says Focus!

No. XCII: Sympathy From The Senate (from the desk of Mitch McConnell)

We're draftin' Stealthcare.
Not here. Not there.
In our secret lair.
Out of the glare.
Under the stair.

You're in despair?
Take yourself elsewhere!
Montreal, Canada
your pied-à-terre!
(Can you say, "Pierre"?)
Have you tried prayer?

We do not care
about general welfare.
Healthcare repair
ain't goin' nowhere.
Thas what the facts is.
Now les lower taxes.

No. XCI: What Matters

billionaires bums or otherwise
will be the same size
when the comet arrives
accomplishments will be in retrospect
delusions of agency, an illusory effect